Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Euna Lee, Laura Ling, and Bill Clinton's Egg Roll

Former President Bill Clinton after being out of office for eight years proved on Tuesday that he is still The Man.

Bill Clinton flew to North Korea, or as it is officially known, “Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea” (that name still cracks me up) and less than 24 hours later, he lifted off to return back to the U.S. with recently imprisoned journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling in tow.

The charm, persuasion, and charisma of Clinton was too much for the Crazy Motherfucker-in-Chief of North Korea, Kim Jong Mentally-Il to resist.

After spending time with Clinton, Krazy Kim pardoned the journalists who had been sentenced to twelve years hard labor for illegally entering the paradise that is North Korea.

Hell, I guess the two had a great meeting and good times discussing things other than the fate of the two journalists.

Kim even held a State Dinner for former Prez Clinton.


I don’t know how Clinton felt about that, because it’s kind of hard to get excited about a meal consisting of fettered water, tainted rice and dirt sandwiches. But, it’s the thought that counts.

Anyhoo…Clinton pulled off the release and I say to him…

“Way to go my man. Your years of having Al Gore by your side have given you unparalleled skills in dealing with crazy people.”

Oh how we need to send Clinton elsewhere in this world full of people whose cranial glue has melted.

I truly think his actions and successful negotiations are strokes of beauty. I hope other people recognize that as well. I seriously doubt that anyone else could have pulled this off. Kudos, Mr. Clinton.

It reminds me of the time fifteen years ago when former President Carter visited North Korea. He was smoothing things over on behalf of our two nations…and that worked pretty well too.

Eight years after Carter’s peace and humanity talks with the North Koreans, he won the Nobel Peace Prize and the Koreans had a nuclear weapons program. Talk about your win-win situation!!

I can’t see where this effort by Clinton will win him the Nobel Peace Prize, but I wouldn’t feel too badly for Clinton. Being a man who has no ego, Clinton is not into awards, praise, or acknowledgement.

No sirree; he is into one thing, and one thing only…

Is it personal success? Is it his sense of duty to his fellow man? Is it simply his adherence to the Golden Rule? No…

Bill Clinton is really into chicks of Asian descent. And trust me, while he won’t get a major award for his actions, all the way home, he was eatin’ at Euna and Laura's Sushi Bar.

I hope the three of you had an incredibly hot, steamy, and bumpy flight home together.

Congrats to Bill Clinton and a warm welcome home to Euna Lee and Laura Ling.

Cheers!!

31 comments:

Jay said...

He also reminded us that you have to be rich, powerful and have a private jet to pick up two Asian chicks. For white chicks you only have to be rich. Asian chicks have much higher standards. Which is why they always reject me. LOL ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Come to Bagwine dude. You don't have to be rich to p/u white chicks. You just need a a couple of 40's of King Cobra and a pack of Marlboros. If you have access to meth? Oooooo-Weeeee, you're Gold, baby!! Cheers Jay!!

Jay said...

Holy crap! I'm there! Luckily, unlike Asian chicks, I don't have standards, so Bagwine is the perfect place for me.

Scott Oglesby said...

I can just imagine the convo in the back of the jet; Bill would say, “Ha ha, don’t you think 12 years of your lives is worth at least a blow job each, ha ha?” Asian Chicks, “Um…well….” Bill, “Ha, no no, I was totally, completely kidding…...…unless you were going to do it..” After a long pause, Bill again, “Oh God, please don’t tell my wife.”

I think the logical next step would be for Clinton to take Larry David to Iran and meet with Ahmadinejad. After a weekend partying with those two, Mahmoud will trade his nuclear program for a night with Monica and a box set of ‘Curb your Enthusiasm.’

Matt-Man said...

Jay: You would have a blast visiting Schmoop and I in the Bizarro world of Bagwine...and you would have much to blog about. Cheers Jay!!

Scott: Ha. Since Hillary is in Africa, Bill still has time to work it with those two. Your plane with Clinton and David is a freakin' stroke of genius. Cheers Scott!!

Micky-T said...

You just KNOW that as those woman are coming up those stairs, he's sportin a tingle to his wood.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Well of course he is. Just another reason as to why I dig the guy. I answered your email Mick. Cheers!!

Michele said...

I'm sure the he de-briefed them on the way home.

Dianne said...

I think all those dark suited guys watching work for Hillary

I'm so very pleased that they are both home

and regardless of his human flaws I have always thought Bill was 'the man'

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Ha. I hate you. Why didn't I think of that line? very Good. Cheers Michele!!

Cheesy said...

LMAO@ Michele

Lu' said...

Bill Clinton flew to North Korea, or as it is officially known, “Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea” (that name still cracks me up) and less than 24 hours later, he lifted off to return back to the U.S. with recently imprisoned journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling in tow.
I had not heard that. Wow thanks for the morning shivers Matt-Man, twice *wink* I am delighted to hear this. Wow again I say, great.

I'm sure Bill was hoping they'd get on their knees in thanks :)

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: I have and always will think of Bill as, The Man...in spite of NAFTA. Bill Rocks, and I'm glad they are home as well. Cheers Sexy!!

Matt-Man said...

Cheesy: Librarians are so damn clever. Cheers Cheese!!

Lu: Hee Hee...I loooove it when I make you shiver, baby. I'm sure Bill was getting his "just due" or is that his "just do"? Cheers Lu!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...finally, the word "de-briefed" used in a context I can understand.....LMAO!!!!!....

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. Funny stuff from One L Michele. Happy Birthday P-Man. Keep on livin' well and making the funny. Cheers my friend!!

Bond said...

Most excellent job by the Bill-Man...

I can hear him now as the ladies are coming up the gangway and he greets them at the top "Hi, I'm Bill....flyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me."

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Ha. I could even hear his smooth southern drawl as I read your comment. But yeah, I think he, once again, did a fine job. Cheers Vinny!!

katherine. said...

Craig Ferguson had a line about how Bill agreed to the trip when he was told he would be "picking up a couple of chicks"

Everyone is wondering who Iran will want a visit from to release the captured hikers....

I'm thinking maybe you ought to start petitioning for your visit once again?

NAFTA? totally figures that is what detracts from his being "the man" for you....smile.

Matt-Man said...

Kat: NAFTA doesn't detract from loooooove for The Bill-Man. I'm not an ideologue who has to agree with EVERYTHING that a person does. (And no, I'm saying that you do.)

As for my visit to Iran? These two chicks were trying to expose human trafficking when they were detained by the Koreans, those idiots who got picked up by the Iranians were told to go back while having a pleasure hike and went in anyway. Fuck Em. Cheers Kat!!

Lu' said...

I don't believe the "hikers" too stupid to be ture, but then they are Americans right...

Matt-Man said...

Lu: From what I have gathered, they went and crossed the border after explicity being warned not to.

Iran has the right to defend their borders. I know they are Americans, but sovreignty is sovreignity. Cheers!!

MysteryChick said...

Bill Clinton is the only famous person I'd ever want to have dinner with (other than you of course).

He is the MAN!

Matt-Man said...

Mystery: Mmmmmmmmm. I appreciate that. On a far more rude note, Schmoop wants to have sex with him. Maybe we could double. Cheers Sexy!!

David said...

I'm surprised the anti-immigrant crowd hasn't suggested that crazy Kimmie be hired as the new head of the American Border Control Service. Talk about your lost opportunities!

And Bill is the MAN for sure. He can schmooze just about anyone. Oh hell, I'd sit with him in side-by-side recliners for bj's. That beats the hell out of "Which persons living or dead would you like to have dinner with?"

Cheers

Desert Rat said...

Bill is smooth. I always thought it would be fun to hang out a bar with him.

Always appreciate your news briefs - it's how I stay in touch with the world! I realized that one day when someone asked me, "Did you hear about...?" and by gawd I HAD - on your blog! ha!

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha. The Man I'd Most Liek To Sit Next To While Getting A Blow Job? You have invented the new scale of Presidential candidates. Cheers David!!

Desert Rat: Schmoop wants to hose him, always has.

And I am always happy to keep you "in touch" with things. Mmmm. Cheers!!

Starrlight said...

I love Bubba. I don't much care who he fucks.

Matt-Man said...

Starr: Well said. Cheers Starr!!

Starrlight said...

The moralists out there who get all bent about him cheating and then lying about it crack me up. By their standards I am guessing about 90% of the people in this country are in the shit house with Bubba. And I'd bet cold hard cash that half of the Starr commission people fit that category as well. And that is a conservative estimate.

Matt-Man said...

Starr: That is what is always the funny thing about people. Hey, I know all of the things I have done in my life and don't claim to be anywhere near perfect. But others? There are others out there who do, and it will ALWAYS come back to bite them in the ass. Cheers!!