All and then Nothing

I tell ya. Wednesday, for me, was productive as far as writing goes.

I wrote parts to several posts, but they are seasonal, so they will have to wait until the holidays kick in.

And so, it was with extreme duress that I sat staring at my computer Wednesday night thinking of what to write for today.

And stare I did.

It started after work, at about 9:30 P.M. and the catatonic gaze lasted until almost 11.

I was trying to think of something amusing, because I don’t think my stuff has been very funny of late.

But, because I worked on three or four other posts for Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa during the day, it was as if my humor for the day had been used up.

When I cogitated upon that thought, a cold chill overcame me. I asked myself, “Is it possible to at some point, use up all the humor that is inside of me?”

Yeah, I know some of you are thinking that I used it all up months or even years ago, and to you I say, “Maybe so” “Bite Me.”

Trying to assuage that chilling thought and looking for some inspiration, I turned on the Christmas lights around our living room window.

And some of you, may ask as to why my lights are already up. I never take them down. You see, I have a theory about Christmas lights.

If you take down your lights after Christmas and stow them away, when you put them back up the following year, they never frickin’ work.

I leave mine up all year, and when I go to plug them in as the holidays draw near…Voila!! They work just fine. I’m a genius.

But of course, that’s not really the point here, is it? No, it’s not. And the lights while pretty, never yielded any inspiration.

I was thinking I could write about taking Ryno to the Dentist today, but what’s funny about a dental appointment?

Not a damn thing, especially when he likes his dentist and any made up horror stories by me on the way there would have no effect on him.

Y'know...Damn...I mean....

Damn, sometimes being funny is hard work. In fact, one could say, “Only through the salty sweat of art and labor can the sweet tears of unbridled laughter be tasted.”

But why would one say that? It’s a stupid saying that I just created in desperation. It may have been the most inane thing I have ever said.

Oh dear God, make me funny again. I beseech thee!!

Okay it’s late now, and I have to have this up soon, so this is it for today. My post for today, as my buddy Jeff would say, is nothing more than a, big puddle of spilled fuck.

Well, that is certainly true, and I hope to be able to swim out of it soon.

Cheers!!

Note: NINE people have already emailed me and said, “Yes” to a Matt-Man Christmas Card!!

If you’d like a personalized, handmade Christmas card mailed from me to you, email me (neshobadude @ yahoo.com) and give me your address.

They will be mailed out shortly after Thanksgiving!!

The 5 B's: Burglary, Basketball, Boobs, Blog Talk, and Bagwine

It's always nice to get Christmas cards, but these are special. They come from three of my blogging buddies. Vinny, Jules, and Metalmom, sent these to the Bagwine abode. The best thing is that all the envelopes had return addresses on them. I now know exactly where they live, and when these clowns kind folks go on vacation this summer, I can burglarize their homes.

Merry Christmas to me. Come summer, I'll be enjoying my new appliances and electronics!!



Ladies and Gentlemen, at Shooting Guard...Standing 5'4" tall...From Bagwine, Ohio...Wearing Number 23...Rynoooooo!!

The ex and I didn't always get along very well, but we did produce one sweet, handsome child.




What would the weekends be without an Inky and Lola cartoon? Hmm...Lola's boobs look smaller than usual; I must need a new Sharpie!!





You didn't think I would let today pass without another dose of shameless self-promotion did you? Tune into Turnbaby's BlogTalk Radio Show tomorrow at 8 P.M. EST. TB and I will be butchering singing as many yuletide favorites as we can in an hour.

Call in and you'll get the added pleasure of talking to me nekkid. Double the fun, and when you call in, you be nekkid as well. For TB's show details you can click HERE.

I doubt if my son has basketball practice today, so if I don't need to take him, I'll be here all day. The weather outside is supposed to turn very frightful in a little while, so I guess that being in front of my computer with several big glasses of Bagwine is the best and safest place to be.

The great thing is that Schmoop's brother and Bagwine fave, David, has a brand new 4-Wheel drive Jeep, and has promised to brave the elements, come over to the digs, and drop off a fresh supply of libation later. D-Man, I dub thee Sir David: Protector and Deliverer of the Bagwine.

And to all of you: Have fun, stay safe, and as always, Cheers!!

NOTE: The pictures are much sharper if you click on them and view. I had sizing issues. Of course, I have always had issues with size.

Matt-Man: Live On The Internets!!

There have been many talented and adorable couples throughout history…Hepburn and Tracy, Sonny and Cher, Hitler and Mussolini. Roll up those couples into one and what do you get?

Matt-Man and Turnbaby!!

And when you listen to Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio Show this Sunday, December 16th at 8 P.M., that is exactly what your auditory senses will be treated to. What could be better than that?

I will be co-hosting this Sunday on Turnbaby’s radio show. TB got fed up with my unabashed begging graciously asked me to join her this week and help her kick the Christmas Season into high gear.

I think the main reason she is having me on, is that her show’s ratings are sagging quicker and lower than her ginormous boobies. I think she needs me to help raise them…The ratings...not the boobies, although maybe I’ll get lucky on that one.

The lovely Turnbaby and I will be singing Christmas carols, such as Strokin’ In a Winter Wonderland and Grandpa Got His Herpes From a Reindeer as well as other stirring holiday classics.

We may even discuss our Christmas traditions which in my case involves a fifth of bourbon, a lighted sleigh, and two club-footed hookers from Labrador.

The bottom line is that you, my twisted beloved Bagwine readers, need to listen, call in, and take this from being just another talk show and make it a virtual Christmas orgy. And really, is that too much to ask? Of course not.

To get you into the mood and offer you some details about the show, I am providing you with these links:

Turnbaby’s Blog

Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio Site

Matt-Man’s You Tube Site

Before I go, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that tonight at 7 P.M. my friend Mo is doing his BlogTalk Show. For details on that, you can click HERE.

Enjoy your day. I am off to create some more “soon to be classic” Christmas tunes.

Cheers!!