No, not the car crash in which he was involved this past Friday morning. I am talking about him getting married to Elin Nordegren some five years ago.
What a maroon!!
Listen, five years ago Tiger was a mere 28 years and known all over this big blue marble of ours. A superstar. An icon. The penultimate mans’ man, and women’s man. The world was his oyster and he had life by the golf balls.
What did he do with his future full of sand saves and holes-in-one? He shanked it by getting married to Mizz Nordegren. Oy Vay!!
What in the hell is a good looking 28 year old single dude who has more money than Dick Cheney has thoughts of hooking fully juiced jumper cables to the testicles of starving kittens doing getting married?Nothing good can come of that…and his bruises, mashed car, and visions of Elin swinging a five iron at his head are indicating such.
Why would Tiger do such a thing? I can hear him lo those years ago, “Elin is beautiful inside and out, and our love for each other is deeper than the rough at St. Andrew’s.”
Gimme a break. Ain’t no love worth risking half a fortune that is bigger than the combined GDP of Portugal, Cameroon, and Tonga. Nah, baby, nah.
Did Tiger want to get married in order to have kids? Pffffft. He could have had a baby making session with just about any woman he wanted to.
If he wanted a kid without any attachment at all to a woman he could have followed Madonna’s lead by traveling to Africa and buying a child or two.
If he happened to be looking for a child in a whiter model, I’m sure that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar would have happily sold him a couple of their brood.
Tiger…Tiger…Tiger…You are a guy who when you need a new car you can call up the folks at Buick or Cadillac and they’ll frickin’ give you one. They’ll even pay YOU to drive the damn thing.
What a shame…Oh, and by the way you might want to give those fine car folks a call. Your SUV looks a bit dinged up.
Anyhoo…The speculation over what precipitated this early morning accident has and will continue to run like a bad case of diarrhea.
Is Tiger cheating on Elin with Rachel “Not Bad Boobies” Uchitel? Was Elin upset about rumors circulating in the National Enquirer? Did Tiger only nail Elin twice Thursday night and write down three on his score card?
Pay no attention my friends. The cause of this unfortunate incident was set in motion years ago when Tiger married Elin.
Sadly, Tiger had failed to see that his future smorgasbord was much bigger than that of his Swedish girlfriend’s.
Heed my advice all of you young gazillionaires out there…Falling in love and getting married is like playing Putt-Putt.
You pay a lot of money to be surrounded by kids, clowns, and play the same course over and over. And, when the game is over you don’t get your balls back.
Remember all of you rich young studs…Once you join the real golf tour, stay on the tour. For as long as you possibly can.
Cheers!!
