Tiger Woods and His Mistresses: Whores One and All!!

I’ve been thinking about Tiger Woods and his steamy, adulterous, sexcapades with his nine or whatever mistresses during his short marriage.

I think, “Holy Cow!! Nine different women!? It’s a shame that he got busted at the turn or he could have played an entire course.”

I also think about the women with whom he has cheated. I can’t help but think that as much as any golfer hates to be in the rough, all of Tiger’s babes probably have shaved hoo-ha’s.

But I guess those facts and/or hopes of mine are quite inconsequential…anyhoo…

Poor Tiger…I heard late Monday, that his wife, Elin Nordegren has moved out of their palatial estate, helping to deliver a blow for justice for his evil, sinful, cheating behavior.

Tiger is now merely another pig shit sucking man who got caught fooling around on his wife. May the women of the world rejoice. And they do.

During the coverage of Tiger-Gate I have heard women (and some men) describe Tiger as a jerk, cheater, immature playboy, and selfish.

Yeah, maybe so, but…

Tiger is a big boy and can handle all of the names that people are throwing at him, but I think he deserves a break from the verbal assault.

How about we take a day or two off from attacking Tiger and level pejoratives and names at the opportunistic skank ho’s who slept with him?

That’s right…The mistresses? Pfffft, they’re not mistresses. They’re money grubbing bitches who care nothing about anyone but themselves, and they all knew what they were doing, who they were doing, and how big the potential payday was.

I have heard a couple of them say, “I really thought he loved me.” “We just clicked on a number of levels.” “Blah, blah, blah.”

Gimme a break. Tiger was into the cheating in order to keep his sex skills sharp by practicing on different courses, and the nine or whatever bitches were in it for an eventual payoff.

Well, the whores have their payoff. Elin has Tiger’s balls, and Tiger is left holding the bag. Tiger is certainly guilty of screwing up, but I think his amorous accomplices are getting off without being outed for what they truly are…prostitutes.

And why are they not being vilified? Because they’re women…Women who were obviously "unwillingly and unknowingly spellbound" by that lecherous and conniving man, Tiger Woods. Fuck em’, they’re as guilty as Tiger.

As for Elin? I have mixed emotions. She was cheated on and that in a word, hurts.

However, if she is re-negotiating her pre-nup and asking for guaranteed money to stay with Tiger without a thought as to how she and Tiger truly feel about each other, isn’t she just doing it for the money as well?

To me, Tiger is not alone in this mildly amusing yet sad episode. And, this unfolding scenario isn’t pitting a lone man, a chorus of concubines , and an estranged wife against each other.

It is evident that it is pitting a group of rattlesnakes against each other and each and every one will soon be spitting venom in order to protect their fortunes or promises thereof.

Cheers!!

Tiger Woods, Elin Nordegren, and Rachel Uchitel: Whose Lawyer Will Complete The Foursome?

What in the hell was Tiger Woods thinking? I swear to GOD, he really screwed up.

No, not the car crash in which he was involved this past Friday morning. I am talking about him getting married to Elin Nordegren some five years ago.

What a maroon!!

Listen, five years ago Tiger was a mere 28 years and known all over this big blue marble of ours. A superstar. An icon. The penultimate mans’ man, and women’s man. The world was his oyster and he had life by the golf balls.

What did he do with his future full of sand saves and holes-in-one? He shanked it by getting married to Mizz Nordegren. Oy Vay!!

What in the hell is a good looking 28 year old single dude who has more money than Dick Cheney has thoughts of hooking fully juiced jumper cables to the testicles of starving kittens doing getting married?

Nothing good can come of that…and his bruises, mashed car, and visions of Elin swinging a five iron at his head are indicating such.

Why would Tiger do such a thing? I can hear him lo those years ago, “Elin is beautiful inside and out, and our love for each other is deeper than the rough at St. Andrew’s.”

Gimme a break. Ain’t no love worth risking half a fortune that is bigger than the combined GDP of Portugal, Cameroon, and Tonga. Nah, baby, nah.

Did Tiger want to get married in order to have kids? Pffffft. He could have had a baby making session with just about any woman he wanted to.

If he wanted a kid without any attachment at all to a woman he could have followed Madonna’s lead by traveling to Africa and buying a child or two.

If he happened to be looking for a child in a whiter model, I’m sure that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar would have happily sold him a couple of their brood.

Tiger…Tiger…Tiger…You are a guy who when you need a new car you can call up the folks at Buick or Cadillac and they’ll frickin’ give you one. They’ll even pay YOU to drive the damn thing.

What a shame…Oh, and by the way you might want to give those fine car folks a call. Your SUV looks a bit dinged up.

Anyhoo…The speculation over what precipitated this early morning accident has and will continue to run like a bad case of diarrhea.

Is Tiger cheating on Elin with Rachel “Not Bad Boobies” Uchitel? Was Elin upset about rumors circulating in the National Enquirer? Did Tiger only nail Elin twice Thursday night and write down three on his score card?

Pay no attention my friends. The cause of this unfortunate incident was set in motion years ago when Tiger married Elin.


Sadly, Tiger had failed to see that his future smorgasbord was much bigger than that of his Swedish girlfriend’s.

Heed my advice all of you young gazillionaires out there…Falling in love and getting married is like playing Putt-Putt.

You pay a lot of money to be surrounded by kids, clowns, and play the same course over and over. And, when the game is over you don’t get your balls back.

Remember all of you rich young studs…Once you join the real golf tour, stay on the tour. For as long as you possibly can.

Cheers!!