In Judaism, this 25 hour period of Yom Kippur marks the end of the annually occurring High Holy Days, or as I call it… Jew-a-Palooza.As the name, The Day of Atonement implies, it is a period of repentance.
Those of the Hebrew faith will be asking for absolution from God Almighty for their lapses of good behavior and transgressions against the Heap Big Holy Cheese, Hizzelf.
Many of the Torah Toters will be praying, fasting, and avoiding work. Some will participate in other, more disturbing Yom Kippur rituals…
No Wearing of Leather Shoes…I don’t get that. I can see where they might not wear shoes made of pigskin, but leather?
No Bathing or Washing…Holy Moses!!
I bet that today, there are quite a few packed synagogues that will smell less like a gaggle of Jewish chicks at a Palm Beach perfume counter and more like a gang of sweaty Palestinian arms smugglers burrowing a new tunnel through the Gaza Strip. Whew!!
No Marital Relations…Ha. I guess if one is married to a Jewish babe, why should this day be any different than the rest of the year? I do wonder, however…Does this mean that Extra-Marital relations are acceptable?
Anyhoo…
While I am not Jewish, I think I too, will seek atonement with the G-Man today. I will ask forgiveness for throwing a goose egg at the High School Marching Bad Director and hitting him on the ass at the start of my sophomore year.
I will atone for agreeing to an appointment with a window salesman who drove around for an hour looking for my house when all along I was living in this apartment complex of some 100 units.
I will beg forgiveness for the existence of Carrot Top. God won’t take responsibility for him, let alone any mortal, so on behalf of all humanity, I will man up and accept the blame. Please forgive me.
Today, while Glenn Beck is sneaking a Big Mac or six on his National Day of Fasting and Prayer to Save Our Republic, I the Matt-Man, will be on my knees in holy supplication mode.
If there are any hot Jewish babes out there who would like to get on their knees with me, I would be more than happy for you to join me.
After all, as I pointed out earlier, only Marital Relations are a no-no on this day, so we could get together and do a little Yom Kippurrrrring.
To my friends of the Jewish persuasion, I bid you, Mazel Tov, Shalom, and a solemn sin shedding Yom Kippur.
And to ye of all faiths, or lack thereof…
Cheers!!
No Marital Relations…Ha. I guess if one is married to a Jewish babe, why should this day be any different than the rest of the year? I do wonder, however…Does this mean that Extra-Marital relations are acceptable?
Anyhoo…
While I am not Jewish, I think I too, will seek atonement with the G-Man today. I will ask forgiveness for throwing a goose egg at the High School Marching Bad Director and hitting him on the ass at the start of my sophomore year.
I will atone for agreeing to an appointment with a window salesman who drove around for an hour looking for my house when all along I was living in this apartment complex of some 100 units.
I will beg forgiveness for the existence of Carrot Top. God won’t take responsibility for him, let alone any mortal, so on behalf of all humanity, I will man up and accept the blame. Please forgive me.
Today, while Glenn Beck is sneaking a Big Mac or six on his National Day of Fasting and Prayer to Save Our Republic, I the Matt-Man, will be on my knees in holy supplication mode.
If there are any hot Jewish babes out there who would like to get on their knees with me, I would be more than happy for you to join me.After all, as I pointed out earlier, only Marital Relations are a no-no on this day, so we could get together and do a little Yom Kippurrrrring.
To my friends of the Jewish persuasion, I bid you, Mazel Tov, Shalom, and a solemn sin shedding Yom Kippur.
And to ye of all faiths, or lack thereof…
Cheers!!
