That’s right…It’s Canada Day!!Today is the day that Canada celebrates its independence from the United Kingdom…um, okay, not really.
It marks the day in 1867 that Canada became formally known as a Dominion…meaning several provinces of Canada united as one under the Crown of the United Kingdom.
See…Canada was never truly independent of the English bastards until 1982. 1982, Folks!! WTF!?
Hell even today, in spite of their “independence”, the Queen of England (and no, I don’t mean Elton John) is still the legal head of state.
What the fuck kind of independence is that, I ask?
Holy Crap…
While Americans are gearing up to celebrate our independence from Britain that took the writing and signing of a “treasonous” document and a brutal war that lasted over six years...
The Canadians are celebrating the right of their provinces to associate with each other under the iron girdle of the British crown.
What a bunch of pussies. Three days from now, we will be honoring great men such as George Washington, John Adams, Ben Franklin, and Patrick Henry.
Today, the Canadians will be paying homage to the likes of Anne Murray, Keanu Reeves, and Howie Mandel. And of course…The Queen.
Let’s do the Canadians…or is that, Canadiens? See? They can’t even settle on the fucking spelling of who and what they are. It all goes back to those damn French in Québec. The French in Québec are kinda like the Kurds are in Iraq.
Anyhoo…Let’s do the Canadians and the Canadiens a favor.
This July 4th, let’s celebrate our Independence Day by fully democratizing the Labatt Blue-induced piss out of the Canadians like we did the Iraqis.
We can fire cruise missiles, and send a squadron of B-2s to level their no-balls parliament.
And then, I’ll personally go to Buckingham Palace to bitch slap Queen Lizzy, and say unto Her Majesty:
“You wanna act like you still have an Empire? Well, free my neighbors to the north and go re-invade the sheep herders on the Falkland Islands…and by the way, Charles’ chick is butt ugly.”
Oh yeah, babies…
This year, if America puts her mind to it, we can celebrate the 4th of July with drunken Canadians being killed by American made bombs instead of drunken Americans losing an eye or a finger to an errant, Chinese made Roman Candle.
I for one, can dig that.
The carpet guys are supposed to be here today, so my computer will be down for awhile at some point. I am a bit saddened by this fact but really…
What better day to be down? It’s Canada Day after all, and seriously, does anyone really give a shit?
Cheers!!
