Well folks, Christmas is just three days away, but today is the first day of Hanukkah.So, I think it only appropriate that I take time today to give a shout out and a blow on the shofar to our Messiah Killin’ Jew friends.
Actually, Hanukkah began at sunset Sunday night. That’s appropriate, since the first day of Winter began as well, and…
We all know how frigid those Jew chicks can be. But, this post is about the love I have for my Jewish brothers and sisters.
Hanukkah is also known as “The Festival of Lights” because centuries ago, some Heebs, called the Maccabees, refused to pay retail for enough candle oil to light a recently defiled temple for eight days…
So they cut a deal with God and The Almighty allowed the magic candle to burn for eight days.
Of course, roughly two centuries later the Jews broke their deal with God, and killed his only begotten son.
Give a Jew an inch of candle wick and he’ll take a mile…or your only offspring.
I guess during their pretentious eight day holiday, they sing songs, pass around money to each other that they surreptitiously gained by representing Christians in the entertainment industry, and eat.They eat latkes, pontshkes, and knishes. They eat everything…except for their Jewish spouse or girlfriend.
Kosher chicks don’t dig that, unless there’s a mirror on the ceiling and they can admire themselves while having the hoo-ha humidified or their Shabbat salad tossed.
And well, that’s about it. Oh, there’s the whole dreidel thing, but is spinning a wooden top, really something to get excited about?
I’ll take Santa Claus over a block of wood with Hebrew writing all over it anytime. Hell, the damn thing probably spins right to left anyway. To me, that’s just not kosher.
In spite of all of that, I hope you guys have a lovely holiday. I am, after all, all about the love, joy, and togetherness of the season.
In fact, I hope your Hanukkah is filled with smiles as wide as the West Bank, laughter as loud as an Teheran marketplace, and bacon…
Lots and lots of bacon.
Cheers!!
