We have many regulars come through the Drive-Thru on a near daily basis.And, we get to know some of them on a level that transcends the typical patron/employee relationship.
Some of these folks we have come to love.
While I can’t, with absolute authority vouch for Pizza Bill or the owner, Drive-By Mike…
I can think of no other customer we enjoy dealing with more than the following person…
It’s not some young, busty chick who in the summer has sweat dripping tantalizingly down her over developed cleavage.
It’s not an older woman who has received great cosmetic surgery and a huge divorce settlement.
It’s not even the lovable, old lady who unintentionally tries to drive her car into the beer coolers.
It’s a dude. This dude…
This guy is a hoot. We don’t know his actual name. We just refer to him as, Mr. Cubbie.
Why, you ask?
Last month, Drive-By Mike saw him pull in and told me to ask him about the Cincinnati Reds, and he would take his picture.
What follows is the gist of the conversation.
Matt-Man: Hello there…You know the Reds start spring training tomorrow.
Mr. Cubbie: Fuck the Reds!! The Reds suck. I watch the Cubbies. I watch em’ every night on WGN.
Matt-Man: Yeah, but the Reds are goi--…
Mr. Cubbie: God Damn Reds, suck. They don’t even have their own network. They ought to move across the river. Fuck em’. Let’s go to Chicago and watch the Cubbies.
Ha. Now, to get the full effect, you have to imagine this dialogue taking place while tobacco juice is dripping down Mr. Cubbie’s chin.
It’s also a joy ringing up his order of a 12 pack of Old Milwaukee and a 12 pack of Old Milwaukee N/A. Of course when he orders he will say…
Gimme one and one, Big Boy.
When I tell him the total he usually says this…
God Damn It!! What the hell is your boss doin? It’s not this expensive anywhere else. He’s a God Damn racketeer!! You’re all fuckin’ racketeers!! I’m gonna go home and watch the Cubbies.
Sometimes he will go to the club he belongs to and watch the Cubbies or a football game, especially when they are supplying free hot dogs.
If he comes through the Drive-Thru afterwards, this is what can typically be heard…
Gimme one and one, Big Boy. I went down to the God Damn club to watch the Cubbies. They were giving away hot dogs and the sunzabitches ran out during the third inning. Fuckin’ racketeers.
I’ll go home and watch the Cubbies on WGN. They’re playing the God Damn Reds. They suck.
I guess the best way for you to experience the total essence of our favorite customer is to hear him.
While I can’t do him justice quite as well as Drive-By Mike, I will attempt to do so in the following video…
Ha…He never gets old with us.
Cheers!!
