A Pig And A Poke

Much like in Orwell’s book, Animal Farm, the pigs are pissed, and are exacting their revenge in the form of Swine Flu.

The death toll in Mexico from this porcine pandemic, as of this writing, stands at 149.

It doesn't surprise me so much that pigs are making folks sick, because as my Mom always said to me as I was growing up:

“Matthew, if you lie down with pigs, you’ll get influenza A virus subtype H1N1.”

Yep, she always said that to me. Damn she was one smart woman. Anyhoo…

This outbreak which started in Mexico has found its way into the States.

California, New York, Texas, Kansas, and my state of Ohio, have reported cases of Swine Flu over the last couple of days.

Evidently this strain of Swine Flu can be passed not only from pig to human, but from human to human as well.

In Mexico, and four of the five aforementioned states, the sickness was the result of human to human contact, but let me tell ya folks…

I am almost positive that the cases in Ohio are the result of direct pig to human contact.

You see, while we are a state of nearly 11 million people, there are still vast rural areas in Ohio as well.

Folks in these rural, agricultural areas of Ohio, when not farming or going to a Baptist revival, enjoy three things…

Cow tipping, manufacturing meth, and pig fucking. Yes indeed folks, Ohio is one, huge ass state rife with pig fuckers.

Damn right. In parts of Ohio, animal husbandry takes on an entirely different meaning than what you believe it to be.

Oh sure, it involves injecting livestock with semen, but here in Ohio the injection takes on more of a "hands-on" approach.

It also, oft times, incorporates a case of Budweiser, the soft glow of a Coleman lantern, and a post-coital Marlboro.

Unfortunately, animal husbandry in Ohio, too often DOES NOT involve a condom. Tragic.

While people all over the country are oinking out over the spread of Swine Flu, here in Ohio we have, for years, been very familiar with it.

We just never called it Swine Flu. Any pig fucker ’round here who contracted a disease from a hog was known to have, “Swine-orrhea” or “Sowphilis”.

If you contract the disease by having sex with a sow, sure you’ll initially just get flu-like symptoms, but...

Six weeks later your Johnson(ville) will end up, appropriately enough, looking like it just went through a sausage grinder.

So my fellow Ohioans and any others who have desirous thoughts of getting it on with a porcine princess, if you’re going to do so, make sure you wrap your wank prior to porking the pig.

Better yet, don’t go all the way with Miss Piggy. Instead do what I do…

Simply have oral sex with the pig. And by that, I mean a pig in this form:

And please, don’t forget to wash your hands often when handling raw pork!!

Even oral sex with a pig should be as made as safe as humanly possible.

Cheers!!