I am disgusted with American cable news, political pundits, talk radio egos, and our government, all of which are loaded with right wing nuts, left wing kooks, and plain and simple, crazy people.
So…
I am leaving the country as quickly as possible. “To which country will you flee, Matt?”…you ask?
None. They all suck.
No my friends, I am not leaving this nation in the physical sense. I am leaving the United States of America in a ideological, political, and constitutional sense.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am seceding from the Union. So move over San Marino, Liechtenstein, and Vatican City…The Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine is about to be established and become the newest and tiniest nation in the world.
There a few bugs to work out and things to think through, but I am already working on these things.
First of all…
The secession and this new nation involves only this apartment, so when I send my letter of secession to the U.S. State Department, they will likely consider it to be the mere ramblings of a mad man and probably won’t dispatch the military to quash my rebellion.
Secondly, I need to establish a Head of State, so…
I am appointing myself, Philosopher King of Bagwine. I haven’t cleared this with the other resident of this natal nation, but I’m sure Schmoop will express her agreement when I tell her, by saying to me:
“Whatever Mahoney.”
That pending, yet certain response may seem to be indifference, but what it really is, is a mandate.
And in all fairness, and since Schmoop is the only other human resident of the Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine, in my infinite wisdom, I will appoint her to several cabinet positions.
This is all I am at liberty to publicly disclose for now, but no worries.
I am going to work Monday on my letter of secession that I will be sending (and don’t think I won’t) to the State Department, and will share that with you and any response that I may get from them (which I’m sure I will).
Additionally, I will be contacting the Chinese Embassy to see if they will back my secession through diplomatic and monetary aid. I will let you know how that works out for me as well.There you go…The seeds of secession have been sown, and now it’s time to fertilize them by working on some details and writing and sending out a few well-placed e-mails.
Let Freedom Ring, Bitches, and as always…
Cheers!!
