It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiday so put a hook on my nose and pour me a Cosmopolitan; it’s time for the Sex and the City movie.I really don’t understand the appeal of Sex and the City. All of the ladies in it are less than attractive.
Sarah Jessica Parker? Ick and Egads, I would rather have sex with Margaret Hamilton. Yes indeed, stuff my ding dong into the wicked witch herself.
That Parker chick is butt ugly. Zowie!! Kim Cattrall is kinda cute in the face, but age has not been kind to her and she has man hands and no breastesses.
Oh well, who am I to question the likes and dislikes of others? I’m Matt-Man, bitch…That’s Who!!
One thing I have heard surrounding the hoopla of the S&C movie release is a sex statistic.
The average woman will have sex with nine lovers over the course of her lifetime.
I asked Schmoop about her numbers. She came up with ten. Such a floozie. I then tried to recall my totals.
As best as I can recall, I have been with 28 different women. Of course, there are probably a half dozen others that I don’t remember because I was drunk out of my mind.
Wow, I really overslept. I was off yesterday and boy, did I woop it up.
I did laundry, cleaned the digs, took out the trash, and DRANK…Much. I also cooked bacon last night. Yum-Oh!!
I think the sarcasm and pornographic nature of my readers‘ comments are starting to rub off onto Schmoop. I sent her an email yesterday telling her what all I had done.
Y’know….the cleaning, the laundry, the promise of bacon. Here’s the email that I got back from her:
“Wow!!…Somebody is getting laid tonight. Guess who? ME! Hahahaha. Bacon and Bangin’…Bacon and Bangin’”
I love it when she acts like such a minx.
Yesterday, I developed a most painful paper cut type of the thing on my left index finger. And me being Einstein, I ate potato chips in spite of it.
Nothing like dipping your hand into a bag of salty chips with a cut on your finger. Damn, that hurt. And yet…I did it over and over.
Screw waterboarding…If you want info from a terrorist, slice his finger and shove it into a bag of Sour Cream and Onion potato chips.
Well, since I did everything yesterday, other than doing the dishes, I have nothing on my agenda until I go to work at five tonight.
I think I am picturing a day filled with exercising my groin and prostate muscles as I watch internet porn.
Care to join me?
Have a wonderful Friday and a lovely weekend. Spend it having hot sex with the Wicked Witch of the West, and Toto too.
Cheers!!
