It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiday so put a hook on my nose and pour me a Cosmopolitan; it’s time for the Sex and the City movie.I really don’t understand the appeal of Sex and the City. All of the ladies in it are less than attractive.
Sarah Jessica Parker? Ick and Egads, I would rather have sex with Margaret Hamilton. Yes indeed, stuff my ding dong into the wicked witch herself.
That Parker chick is butt ugly. Zowie!! Kim Cattrall is kinda cute in the face, but age has not been kind to her and she has man hands and no breastesses.
Oh well, who am I to question the likes and dislikes of others? I’m Matt-Man, bitch…That’s Who!!
One thing I have heard surrounding the hoopla of the S&C movie release is a sex statistic.
The average woman will have sex with nine lovers over the course of her lifetime.
I asked Schmoop about her numbers. She came up with ten. Such a floozie. I then tried to recall my totals.
As best as I can recall, I have been with 28 different women. Of course, there are probably a half dozen others that I don’t remember because I was drunk out of my mind.
Wow, I really overslept. I was off yesterday and boy, did I woop it up.
I did laundry, cleaned the digs, took out the trash, and DRANK…Much. I also cooked bacon last night. Yum-Oh!!
I think the sarcasm and pornographic nature of my readers‘ comments are starting to rub off onto Schmoop. I sent her an email yesterday telling her what all I had done.
Y’know….the cleaning, the laundry, the promise of bacon. Here’s the email that I got back from her:
“Wow!!…Somebody is getting laid tonight. Guess who? ME! Hahahaha. Bacon and Bangin’…Bacon and Bangin’”
I love it when she acts like such a minx.
Yesterday, I developed a most painful paper cut type of the thing on my left index finger. And me being Einstein, I ate potato chips in spite of it.
Nothing like dipping your hand into a bag of salty chips with a cut on your finger. Damn, that hurt. And yet…I did it over and over.
Screw waterboarding…If you want info from a terrorist, slice his finger and shove it into a bag of Sour Cream and Onion potato chips.
Well, since I did everything yesterday, other than doing the dishes, I have nothing on my agenda until I go to work at five tonight.
I think I am picturing a day filled with exercising my groin and prostate muscles as I watch internet porn.
Care to join me?
Have a wonderful Friday and a lovely weekend. Spend it having hot sex with the Wicked Witch of the West, and Toto too.
Cheers!!
61 comments:
you made me think of Howard Stern asking SJP - "Sarah! Why the long face!?"
I started thinking of my sex stats and realized I must be a cat! I'm working on life 5.
I would lick your wounded finger and make it all better.
Happy Friday darlin'
*counts*
... 15? +a few others I don't remember.
I've never seen a Sex and the City episode mostly because I agree with you, the women are fugly.
Nah, you got your plans all "laid" out, bacon grease, pain and sex.
Have a great weekend!
Dianne: Ha. I wish I had said that.
Thanks for the lick, and my, you are prolific, ubiquitous, and evidently HOT. Cheers Di!!
Talisman: Aren't they though? The one with the dark hair is kinda cute, but certainly nothing to write home about. Cheers!!
Micky: When you put it like that, it is a pretty good agenda isn't it. Cheers Mick!!
So Schmoop got the pickle again huh? Damn.
My stats? No one will ever know that. ;-)
(I grew up in the sixties and seventies) Sex, drugs and rocknroll....need I say more?
Peace
I grew up at the same time as Odat...and the calculator is broken remember...so I can't get an accurate accounting...
Remember the government monitors internet pornography use...your bid for the White House could end up splattered all over your bedspread...
Odat: Mmmmmmm, interesting. Need somebody to help you with your memoirs? Cheers!!
Bond: You vixen, you. I think that the average Joe and Jane would feel safer with a President who is pre-occupied with sex. Less chance of war. Cheers!!
Abacus ... I need an abacus ...
Never seen an episode of Sex in the City, maybe because I was working on my own script?! *wink*
Dana: I love that word, "abacus". It's fun to say. Can you work a guest appearance for me into that script? ; )~~ Cheers Dana!!
I'm still a virgin :)
Leighann: Ha. You may have just "uddered" the Comment of the Week!! Cheers!!
Two things:
1 - You totally just promoted beastiality on your website. AWESOME!
2 - If the average woman sleeps with 9 men in her lifetime I am far above average.
LadyJaye: Rowwwrrrr. I bet you are. And hey, beastiality isn't a bad thing. As long as it's consensual. Cheers LJ!!
Every time Kidlet sees SJP she screams out the Austin Powers, "That's a MAN, Baby!" line. Or she simply refers to her as the hermaphrodite. It nearly killed her to find out she was married to Ferris.
Like your idea for the day. I will be working 12 hours and then going to the frickin Fred Meyers again to try to find my damn name badge I left there last night. Go me. But pr0n is good. That is porn for the non gamer peoples out there. Sometimes I am just overcome by my l33tn3ss :P
Starr: Ha. You rock. And it is apparent that your kidlet does as well. Let's hook her and Ryno up. He has used that line on more than one occasion himself.
Tell Fred and the gang I said hi. Cheers Starr!!
bacon and bangin'... yum.
(and your little dog too....)
Kat: Ha. Very Good. But don't be mistaken; my little dog's bite is bigger than it's bark. Cheers Kat!!
yeah....but can your old dog learn new tricks?
laughing....
I feel the same way about those ugly ass cows on sex and the city.
I'm surprised they can get any action without a paper bag and a fifth of everclear.
I have a Skank avatar somewhere. I need to start using it because I think I've lost count, but I know it's more than 12. It could be more than 15... I guess I better go look for that avatar now.
I always thought the point of Sex & the the city or in the city... whatever it is, was that they were fairly ugly women. It gives average women hope that they will break the nine lovers barrier. I know I would like more women to get more experience so I wouldn't look like such a whore.
Wait, did you say bacon?
Kat: He is constantly learning and evolving. Cheers!!
Hammer: Ha. You summed it up better than I. Cheers Hammer!!
Winter: WHORE!!! Good luck with the search dear. Cheers!!
Knight: That may be true, but your last words were more to the point. The world revolves around the greasy goodness of bacon. Cheers Knight!!
My very first C.O.W??!! I would so honored and will keep my fingers crossed that I am chosen!!
Of course, you'll be choosing it because of my honesty.... right?
Ahhh... nothing like a sip of bagwine to start the weekend.
Mmmmm.... potato chips....
Leighann: Of Course, dear. It's your (ahem) honesty. Cheers!!
Desert Rat: I normally don't eat them, but yesterday I evidently felt the need to feed my snack craving and my latent masochistic streak. Cheers!!
Just be glad it wasn't yesterday and you got a paper cut on your whopper :) I like SJP and I am going to see the movie, 'cause I'm Lu' bitches! HA! Who cares...
I knew that eventually this virginity would lead me to something big and meaty!
Lu: Ha. You are Lu dammit. Follow your heart and the beat of your own drummer. I love ya no matter what you do. Cheers!!
Leighann: And it's syphillis-free. At least I think it is. Cheers!!
Your stream was very coherent today. Musta been the salt in the wound. Cleared the gray cells.
As to sex statistics, I can't count that high. Let's just say I was making up for years of being "the good daughter." *grin*
Dammit this thread is pissing me off. I was a serial monogamist from the time I started dating and I so wish I had just been a slut instead :P
5 guys. 2 of whom I married. 1 of whom was the best friend of husband #1 and the cousin of husband #2.
Want to know the definition of awkward? Try seeing movie with 75% of the men you slept with. That was some small talk :P
Who says I wasn't a serial monogamist, Starr? It's just that I had lots of..ahem..."relationships." *grin*
Screw relationships, I shoulda just boned them and moved on :P
Starr, had my share of those, too! Yo, Matty me boy - where the hell are you?
Exercising his prostate :P
Starr and Songbird: If you'd like, we can all get nekkid and continue this discussion elsewhere. Cheers!!
Crisco!
I really, really hate the SatC chicks. SJP was okay back in "Honeymoon in Vegas" days and I don't know who the others are. I'll NEVER watch that movie. NEVER!
Mmmmm bacon.
"...the promise of bacon..."...that's life in a nutshell, ain't it?
Starr: Mmmmmmm Crisco. Cheers!!
Jay: Easy, there buddy. There's plenty of bacon to go 'round. Cheers!!
Phfrankie: Ha. Is there anything better to look forward to? Cheers!!
Dammit BLOGGER...just lost my whole comment..I hate that!
I don't feel like retyping it.. so
HUGS!!
Leelee: Screw Blogger. The important thing is that I got a hug from you. Rowwwrrr. Cheers Dear!!
(((((((((((((((((MATT))))))))))))))))))))
Are we counting men AND women? Or just one or the other?
Do they count if you don't remember their names? hahaha...gah, that makes me feel old!
Happy Porkin'and Pokin'!
Leelee: Mmmmmmmmm. ((((((Leelee))))) Thanks. Cheers!!
RLL: All sexes count. Sex is sex. I mean, I think it is. Cheers!!
Well if we do not have to remember names then I might be able to come up with a figure...but my brain is slightly fried from years of overindulgence and I am not sure I can remember them all...
Have you seen Cynthia Nixon's real life girlfriend? Or should I say ambiguous truck driver looking partner?
I hate to admit that your consciousness is beyond me, M-Man. I’ve never seen the Sex and City TV program and have no desire to watch the film. As for sex in general, I enjoy it. It is my belief that an honorable gentleman should not say more. Ah-hem.
I don't have enough fingers & toes.
I thought you'd be nice enough to clean MY place today since I'll be working the weekend, too...but no.
shit.
9 in a lifetime? Ha! Those survey participants were either in their 80s or lying. :)
Or at least that's what I'm choosing to believe so that I don't seem like such a floozie. Do not correct me!
Have a great weekend!
Bond: It's okat Vinny. It's not like I am dying to know. ; ) Cheers!!
GB: Yes, not attractive. But beauty is in the eye...blah blah. Cheers GB!!
Starr: Ha. You are a wordsmith. Cheers!!
Nick: I've never seen it either, but I like to stay topical. Cheers Nick!!
Tug: I feel awful about it too. Cheers!!
Covert: I would never dare try to correct you. Have a good one as well. Cheers!!
I can hear it in your voice.
;-)
Tug: Your perception and five state away hearing is impeccable!! Cheers!!
I'll be coy and just admit to having a VERY good time.
Hehehehe.
Travis: Ha. Very stately response Trav. Good Job. Cheers!!
Seems that I am ALWAYS below average.
SJP is skinny. I covet skinny right now. Shoot, I'd trade looks with anyone of those gals. If I could trade, in a few months they would look pretty average too. But Boy oh Boy would they enjoy getting to eat bacon.
Hope you have a great weekend.
Jen
Jen: Don't wish that. Skinny isn't all that it is cracked up to be.
Seriously, you and many other "regular" people look much better than any of them. Cheers!!
I've never seen a single episode of this show. I seem to have a semi-normal life, so I don't guess it's affected me too much. *LOL*
OH! Salt in the wound! At least it was your left hand!
Nine in a lifetime!
Just call me cat.
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