Happy 18th Birthday Miley Cyrus!!

People across America are asscited because later this week, many across this fine nation, will delight in a four day weekend beginning with Thanksgiving on Thursday.

Thursday for many, will be a day off full of food, drink, football and, fun, yet violent domestic violence calls.

On Friday, also known as Black Friday…

Millions of Baby Jeebus lovin’ Americans sporting NASCAR ball caps, I Heart Sarah Palin T-Shirts, and pajama bottoms will storm the doors of Wal*Mart at 0500 and lay down cash for a well priced Wii while using their welfare debit card to pay for a three month supply of frozen pizzas and Little Debbie snack cakes.

After all, what’s a good game on the Wii or Xbox without something to nosh on!? Well, one must have a drink as well, so add a case of Mello Yello and Tahitian Treat to the public bill of fare as well.

Anyhoo…

It’s the official kick-off to the Christmas Season, but as for me?

My Thanksgiving feast and kick-off to the 2010 Christmas Season begin today, November 23rd. For on this day, Miley Cyrus turns 18 and becomes legal and oh so tender.

That’s right my friends…

Eighteen years ago, Billy Ray Cyrus and his wife Tish Ray Cyrus watched excitedly as the lovely Miley popped out from Mrs. Ray Cyrus’ vagina.

After the medical team employed Billy Ray’s mullet to wipe the placenta residue from Miley’s face, it was apparent to all, that this child was on her Hollywood Walk of Fame path to stardom.

Ever since I came across pictures of Miley Cyrus during a late night Google Image search that accidentally contained the words, “Hot 12 Year Old Babes”, I have been enthralled by Miley’s beauty.

And now, six years later…I no longer have to fear Chris Hansen and public scorn hide my very adult feelings for Miley.

Today I can openly and gleefully say…

I long for Miley’s misshapen cheeks, her crooked front tooth, her small yet oh so nubile breastesses, as well the adipose tissue that lies sensually above her pubic bone.

Indeed my friends, indeed. For me, Christmas has already come…several times over.

I have even written a Christmas song for Miley, and I hope that perhaps she, in all of her new found adulthood, will come to Bagwine and record it with me.

It’s called, “I Came Upon You at Midnight Dear.”

That would make for the bestest Christmas ever. So Miley Cyrus, my dear…

When you blow out the candles on your cake today, think of it as your Emancipation Proclamation from sexual bondage.

And think of me as your Great Emancipator. In fact…

You and I can get naked tonight and play a sweaty game of, Newly Freed Slave Girl and The Horny Abolitionist!!

While you are on top of me riding my rock hard 13th Amend-meat to the land of milk, honey, and womanhood, I want to hear you scream to the world…

“Free Me, Abra-Matt Lincoln, Free Me!!”

So I shall, Miley, So I shall.

Happy 18th Birthday to Miley Cyrus.

Working a long one at the Beer Mine today, so I shall see you all later tonight or early Wednesday.

Cheers!!

Miley Cyrus 18th Birthday and Bill Ray Cyrus' Divorce...It's A Family Affair!!

Happy Tuesday Chuckleheads!!

Time to discuss a couple of very important milestones in Pop Culture.

You know what today is? Today is exactly a mere two weeks before Miley Cyrus celebrates her 18th Birthday.

My middle-aged libido is all a-twitter. Woo Hoo!!

My fantasies cannot wait until November 23rd comes and I get to celebrate Miley’s legality. And celebrate it I shall!! How you ask?

I shall celebrate her 18th Birthday with a birthday cake, Google Images, and a bottle of Gold Bond Medicated lotion. Hummina Hummina, I’ll have a hard on bigger than the Hannah Montana sky!!

Some of you may find my remarks disturbing, but there’s something involving Miley that is even more disturbing.

Just recently her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, filed for divorce from his wife and Miley’s mom, Tish. Coincidence? I think not.

I think the timing of Billy Ray filing is more than a coincidence, as it comes on the precipice of Miley Cyrus’ 18th Birthday.

I sense that Billy Ray is planning a little Papa John and Mackenzie Phillips action on the newly legal Mizz Miley.

I know…I know. I find it troubling as well, however…

At least Billy Ray has waited until Miley turns 18 to leave his wife and attempt to precipitate some paternal Cooter Scootin’ Boogie on the nubile Mizz Miley.

I admire that, and let me tell you…Come November 23rd, I’ll be admiring Miley Cyrus in a whole new way as well.

Our second pop culture milestone to celebrate is a follows…

Yesterday, Monday November 8th, was the 1,700th post on Bagwine Ruminations. How big is that!?

Figuring conservatively at an average of 350 words per post, that’s nearly 600,000 words that have graced the pages of Bagwine Ruminations.

That’s a lot of words…Many of which have been actual words. And my friends, what have we learned through my myriad of words?

Not a damn thing, and I like that, because it gives me something to shoot for. I like having goals.

Lastly…

Remember that Jay and I are looking for folks who would like to have their blog pimped out on our I’m With Stupid show on Blog Talk Radio that airs on Fridays at 11 PM EST.

If you’d like to be interviewed by Jay and I on the air send us an email and we’ll schedule you for an interview.

The first installment of the pimp out will be this Friday.

Have a wonderful day all, and as always…

Cheers!!