Not one to just sit back and attend…The O-Man decided that when in Las Vegas do as the Las Vegans. So, he did a brief stand-up act.
Thanks to the work of the crack Bagwine staff, I give you the joke by joke transcript of his comedy act…
Hey y’all. What a good looking crowd, albeit very white. In fact, I haven’t seen this many white people in one place since I saw a video on You Tube of an Air Supply concert. Ba Dump Bump.
How many of you are from out of town? Me too. In fact…I just flew in from D.C. and boy…my arms aren’t tired at all. Ba Dump Bump. Ha. Hell, I had a nice steak dinner and then took a two hour nap aboard Air Force One.
Have you seen all the smack down that is going on of late between Dick Cheney and Colin Powell? I know exactly how it all got started.
A couple of weeks ago, Dick Cheney and Colin Powell walked into a Chinese restaurant. And they both ordered the Kung Pao Chicken.
Powell saw, that unlike Cheney, he didn’t get an egg roll with his dinner.
Powell asked the guy at the counter. “Sir, Cheney and I ordered the same thing. Why did only Dick get eggroll?”
“Ahhhh so verly sorry Mr. Powell, but with five militarly deferments, person get egg roll.” Ba Dump Bump.
Some people say I am here to help raise money for Harry Reid’s 2010 Senate reelection campaign. That’s only half true.
While I am here to help raise money for Harry Reid, the money is not for his campaign; it will be used to buy Harry a personality. Ba Dump Bump.
I was going to do a little Siegfried and Roy thing for ya, but the only one capable of trying to eat me alive was busy. Yes indeed…Rush Limbaugh said that tonight was no good because he had a date with his Richard Nixon Blow-Up Fuck Doll. Ba Dump Bump.
Boo Yah!! Gimme another rim shot on that one, Rahm. Ba Dump Bump. Rahm Emanuel on the punch line drum, ladies and gentlemen.Rahm wanted to do his own little bit, but the owners of Caesar’s said that Sam Kinnison was dead and they wanted to keep it that way. Ba Dump Bump.
Ha Ha Ha. Yes indeed, Rahm has quite the foul mouth on him. In fact, he’s the only person in D.C. who can get away with telling Dick Cheney to go fuck hizzself. Ba Dump Bump.
I guess by now you’ve heard that I have picked Sonia Sotomayor to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court.
She’s the Bronx born daughter of Puerto Rican parents. If confirmed, she will be proof positive that even on the Supreme Court, a white man can be replaced on the job by a Hispanic. Ba Dump Bump.
Southern Conservatives, such as Jeff Sessions and Evangelical groups, such as Focus on the Family will be up in arms over my selection.
Why, you ask? Her views on things such as abortion?…No. On Drugs?…No. On Guns?…No.
You see, Ms. Sotomayor wanted to become a lawyer while growing up watching Raymond Burr portray TV lawyer, Perry Mason.
Because of her early idolization of Raymond Burr, some on the right feel that she will give preferential legal treatment to homosexuals. Ba Dump Bump.Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Miss Sheryl Crow. And let me tell ya, that’s some Crow I wouldn’t mind eatin’…Ba Dump Bump.
You’ve been a great crowd. Make sure to try the veal and tip your waitress. ‘Cause chances are…they voted for me.
Yeah…That’s how it all went down…because I believe it.
Cheers!!
