Happy Father's Day, Drink Up You Bastards!!

Happy Father’s Day to all you glorious bastards out there. I hope you have a wonderful day with your kids, wives, and mistresses.

I for one will be manning the Beer Mine from 11-7 today passing out potent potables to fathers seeking refuge and serenity within a 12 pack of Bud or a 40 ounce of King Cobra.

Sorry guys…No Bagwine sales on Sunday, dammit.

Anyhoo…

Jayman and I broadcast another winning installment of I’m With Stupid last night on Blog Talk Radio. 

If you missed us talking about a myriad of topics from shitty weeks to beer and wings, you missed a classic, but…

You can listen to it right here and right now:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

That’s all I have for today, as I must go iron my T-Shirt that reads: Are You My Dad? so I can wear it to work today.

I will be back here tomorrow with HUGE news and after tomorrow’s post? Well…it’s frightening.

Cheers!!

It's Gotta Get Better, Right? RIGHT!!?

Oh dear God this has been one shitty week.

My travails of hopelessness and despair began on Tuesday.

It took me four phone calls to have a 12 minute conversation with my kid because my wonderful Time Warner service kept going down.

The dropped calls and loss of internet continued as I attempted to talk to Jayman. And then…

While checking on the status of my Federal Tax refund, I found out that some clerical error on my part caused it to be rejected…two months ago!!

No one notified me, so I discovered this little nugget of information eight weeks after the fact. That’s nice.

The IRS doesn’t know why it was rejected and the e-file service I used has been equally unhelpful, so I shall take this chore back up on Monday.

In the meantime, I have one good contact and a pair of glasses that are held together by bailing wire.

Fuck.

I’ve been working on a couple of things this week, and each time I have attempted to work on them, I have screwed something up.

Schmoop began her monthly uterine disintegration Tuesday and has felt like crap all week. Oy…

Gloomy times in the Bagwine digs.

On the upside, since of late, everything that I touch seems to turn to rust, Jayman and I are simply going to shoot the shit over beer and wings at 6:30 PM EDT tonight on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio.

That’s right…We are just going to talk about mutual internet problems we’ve had. Chat about Father’s Day. Discuss the upcoming Summer of ’11, and perhaps talk about the joys of cooking out.

What could go wrong? I mean, other than my phone going out again, BTR fucking up, and/or thoroughly pissing somebody or bodies off?

So join us tonight at 6:30 on I’m with Stupid and even call in if you’d like at 661.244.9852.

To access the I’m With Stupid radio page click HERE.

Off to work the Beer Mine until 4 today…please, wish me luck.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Father's Day

On this Father’s Day Sabbath, it’s going to be a hot one just like it was yesterday, although…

I hope Billy the Kid has a better cleavage viewing day at the Beer Mine than I did yesterday. My much anticipated cleavage shot day turned out to be a bust.

Anyhoo…

Praise the Holy Baby Jeebus and especially his daddy, Supernatural-G…for it is Father’s Day, and the congregation said, Amen…and Amen.

I dug my dad. He was a funny guy, a hard worker, and with nine kids, a bit of a grump at times, but eh, who wouldn’t be?

He’s been gone quite awhile. I may swing out to his and mom’s gravesites and say, hey. Maybe I’ll take em’ both a beer.

This morning I am going over to see the reason that I get to celebrate Father’s Day, my nearly 16 year old son, Ryno.

Good ol’ Ryno. Size 15 feet and an ego to match. And…the little shit is now a shade taller than I am. He is reveling in that.

He is funny, smart, dedicated to basketball, sensitive to others, and loving.

Other than his attention to his school work, or lack thereof, I wouldn’t change a damn thing about him.

He’s a wonderful son…


And an even better daughter…

After I spend some time with Ryno, I shall return to the Bagwine digs, quaff more than a few beers, cook, and color Schmoop’s hair.

We’re trying a different color this time. Instead of Intense Auburn, we are going with Brown Black. It should be interesting…yeah, I’m gay, but only slightly.

After the hair coloring is done, Schmoop and I are going to have hot, sweaty, Father’s Day role playing sex.

I can’t decide whether to go with the Lot and one of his daughters scenario, or Papa John and Mackenzie Phillips.

Either way, I’ll be doing some serious ball slammin’, as I yell, “Who's your Daddy?” Of course…

Since I just typed that out loud, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I am getting laid today.

Larry King would have a better chance of having sex with Schmoop after those remarks.

Be that as it may…To all of you father’s out there…Happy Father’s Day, and tell your mistress or mistresses not to fret.

It’s only one day a year…you can resume your adulterous bangin’ come Monday.

Amen, and Amen.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Happy Father's Day

It's gonna be a sizzlin' Father's Day here in Bagwine, Ohio.

Sunny and 88 Degrees. The Beer Mine will be hoppin', and I'll be sweating my ass off from 11-7 today.

It's a good thing that after living on only Vitamin Water and sleeping 29 hours between Friday afternoon and 7 o'clock this morning that my stomach flu or whatever it was, has all but passed.

Thus far, the only side-effect I have left from my affliction, is that I am still sweating, alot...which, is probably a good sign.

Anyhoo...I wish all of you dads out there, a Very Happy Father's Day. My wish goes out as well to my Dad...

My dad, who I am certain, was looking down from Heaven at his sick son this weekend saying what he did during every time of injury or illness:

Shake it off.

I would also like to give a shout out to my boy Ryno who some 14 and 1/2 years ago propelled me to the status of fatherhood.

He's my joy, my salvation, my source of constant frustration, but also a source of smiles for not only me, but for nearly all who meet him.

I leave you with a quote about fatherhood from an unlikely source.

This quote comes from longtime MLB first baseman and prolific Home Run hitter, Harmon "Killer" Killebrew:

"My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys.""

I dig that, and Amen.

Have a wunnerful Sunday all...I'll be doling out the Father's Day brew to all the dads in need of a cold one...or twelve. And when I am done with that, I'll be headed over to see my Little Man.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Father's Day

Yesterday…Two people grew up.

My 13 year old son…and me.

I went over to his house to spend some time with him for Father’s Day because today he leaves for Basketball Camp.

He was so bright eyed and excited when I got there.

He had had his Mom buy three pairs of shorts for me that matched three pair that he had.

My son has had some problems of late. Among a few other things, his grades really fell off the last quarter.

He had already gotten a butt chewing over this, but he got it again yesterday…Why?

Because his Mom can’t let things go. She has to harp on things…Instill guilt…Justify her existence. Trust me, I know.

Well, words ensued, because of course, she ended up making the grade issue all about her, as she has with so many other things in the past.

But, for once, in our twenty year history, when she yelled at me for being an uncaring father and a lousy man, I stood up to her.

This guy, who has been guilt ridden for years for walking away, told her everything she needed, and of course, didn’t want to hear.

I have NEVER uttered a bad word about Ryno’s mom in front of him, but yesterday, she pushed the limits in attacking me, and I responded.

While I am sorry, and I apologized to Ryno for yelling, I am not sorry for a damn thing that I said to her. And everything said, was heard by this sweet, little boy.

Am I sorry he heard what was said? Yes, but only because of the manner in which he heard it. I am glad that he heard what was said, and by whom.

Because, let me tell ya folks, she let her own words paint her self-portrait. Wow, move over Dorian Gray!!

I am very confident that his bright little mind digested the differences between his mom and I, in manner, tone, and context.

At one point, he told Mom, to quit reliving everything , because it does nobody any good. I cried, because, it was like listening to myself. The boy is wise.

I have many faults…I mean, just ask Schmoop…but Schmoop will also tell you that I admit them, freely. Ryno’s mom has no faults. Just ask her.

She will also, say that our failure in marriage was entirely MY fault.

More times than not, if a person ever tells you that their marriage failed all because of the other person in the relationship…

They are either bat-shit crazy, or delusional…

While he still loves his Mom with all of his heart (as it should be), I think yesterday, my son found that out.

It has been a painful and tearful Father’s Day weekend for me, but in some aspects, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Amen, and Amen...

I am working 11-7 today, serving beer to all of those fathers who are hiding from their wives.

So, I’ll see ya all tomorrow, and to my Dad who has long since passed on, Ryno and I love ya, buddy.

And now, to lighten the mood….Our Sunday Serenade.

Once again, from his second book, “Credo”, a light hearted look at love by my dad…

CONTRAST

In his Brooks Bros. suit and Florsheim shoes,
He speaks of love so ardently.

But she flaunts her jeans and her gingham smile,
And speaks of love so casually.

He thinks of martinis and filet mignon,
And speaks of love so seriously.

But she serves him pizza and Diet-Rite Cola,
And speaks of love so casually.

Cheers!!

Half Nekkid Thursday: Happy Father's Day

Since I took a picture of myself with June Cleaver for my Mother's Day HNT, how could I not give some props to the Fathers this week?

On your left, Clive Swift, who plays Richard Bucket...oh, excuse me, Richard Boooouquet, in the British comedy, "Keeping Up Appearances". He has an unseen son, named Sheridan.

In the middle, is of course, Dick Van Dyke, who was the father to the completely forgettable, little lad, Richie, in the Dick Van Dyke Show.

And lastly, Dick Van Patten, who as Tom Bradford played dad to eight kids in "Eight Is Enough".

I know. I am the envy of Gay-Town on this HNT. No, not because of my Atlas-Like shoulders, and my Herculean pecs...

It's because I am covered in Dick!!

Happy Father's Day to all of you studly procreators out there, and...

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday to all.

Cheers!!