Whadda Ya Mean It's Contaminated?

I caught the opening of Fox and Friends this morning (and don’t worry, I came through the incident just fine), and that blathering, blowhard of Bushlandia, ED “Man Hands” Hill, was whining about the speeches that Hugo Chavez and Iranian President Mahmoud Alphabet gave at the UN this week. Granted, Hugo and Mahmoud may not be wrapped too tightly, and to call the Bush the Devil may be pre-mature, since some clerics consider him to be merely the “Son of Devil”; however, ED and the other two stooges were implying that the two are stupid and/or crazy.

I was proud of ED for following her statements up by proving that Venezuela and Iran do not corner the market on stupid and/or crazy. She mentioned that since the U.S, houses the UN, is paying for renovations, and supplies a great deal of the budget, that these speeches were out of line and just not right, darn it. It seems to her that since we foot part of the bill, only our friends may speak. In other words, “United Kingdom, you’re okay. Germany, hell yes step up to the microphone. France? Well, alright, but only if we get to review and edit your statements first. The rest of yooze can go to hell."

Oh Mizz Hill, you epitomize the monocular thinking and pomposity of this administration and much of America. You can; however, find comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your dumbing of America. Consider the following…

I heard on the news this morning that NEW cases of E.Coli sickness have been reported, this coming well after the initial warnings that took place, oh, I don’t know…..NEARLY A WEEK AGO!!? I mean come on; you don’t have to be a news junkie to have heard about “Spinach Gone Bad” do you? Helllooooooo, TV, radio, newspapers, town crier…Call Pat Sajak and buy a clue for God Sakes.

Oh, but it gets better…well…worse actually. Last winter, in my neck of the woods, a man went to start his car, but it wouldn’t start. He figured that his fuel line had frozen up, but he knew just how to fix the problem. Evidently, he thought (I use the term loosely), if he could get some warm gasoline into the line the rest would melt. Brilliant!!! So he proceeds to pour some gas from a gas can into a sauce pan and takes it inside to warm upon the stove. One huge ass fireball, two waxed eyebrows, and third degree burns later, he remembers that he had flunked his second grade science class. Sadly, I have heard of this type of incident occurring more than once.

On a less harmful, but no less stupid note, a friend of mine drinks Kool-Aid, which of course is mixed with a CUP of sugar. His wife usually makes it for him. One morning, she was headed off to the store, and he told her that he was going to make a pitcher. She said to him that the he would have to get the one cup measuring unit out of the drawer because the one in the sugar container was only half a cup. He burst out laughing, but the funniest thing is that she didn’t understand why.

Ahhhhh, in spite of ourselves, we have managed to exist as a country for over 200 years. These things actually give me hope. Stupidity is not confined to one part of the world or one country. Let’s draw upon this commonality and build a free, peaceful, stupid world.

One last note, my friend suggested a good way to freak out the cashier at the grocery check-out line. Buy a bag of fresh packaged spinach, and when he or she warns you of the danger, just say, “Don’t worry it’s not for me.”

Have a good day, and no Mo, I haven’t forgotten your movie survey, and to all….Cheers.

And Now Our Moment of Hinn…

In today for Benny, the fiery and corpulent man of God, T.D. Jakes.

“I do think we need some Christians who are in first class as well as coach.”

--T.D. Jakes