Today is of course something I call “Stream of Consciousness Friday” here at the cozy confines of Bagwine Ruminations. It is of course also Friday the 13th. Pish Pah and Big Woop Dee Doo. In a little while, I am going downtown, stand on a sidewalk crack underneath a ladder and drink a fifth of Rose. When I am finished I am going to find the nearest mirror and throw the empty bottle directly at it. “Matt-Man…Nothing Scares Him”, well except for bugs that have over a dozen legs…well…and clowns, I don’t like clowns.
Have a big problem with my cat, Corky. I live in a second floor apartment that has a huge tree outside, visible from all windows. Corky loves to sit in the sill of the windows and watch the two squirrels that frolic in the tree. The other day one of the squirrels managed to climb the brick wall and put his face right up against the window, coming face to face with aforementioned feline. Corky nearly had a heart attack as she literally flew from the sill and ran under the bed.
It gets worse for the Corkmeister. That day there were only two squirrels. The day after that there were six, and last night it seemed as though there were three dozen, lined up in the driveway staring at Cork. I figure when their totals get to be fifty or so, the Corkmeister is going down, courtesy of the Nut Brigade.
I love women who perform Kegel exercises regularly. I love bacon as well. I really love when a woman cooks bacon while doing her Kegels. Yum-Oh!!
It has gotten cold once again in oHIo. Yep, as soon as I walked outside this morning, I had a George Castanza moment. It shrunk like a frightened turtle. Brrrrrr. But frosty weather does have its advantages…As they say, “The frost is on the pumpkin, it’s time for dickie dunkin’…” No, seriously, people do say that.
I would like to be interviewed by Bill O’Reilly. I think it would be pretty cool. It might go something like this:
BO: Matt, I have seen and read your blog site and frankly sir, I think you should join AA.
Matt: Listen dumbass, I am a drunk not an alcoholic.
BO: And you think there’s a difference?
Matt: Sure there is, you prickish moron…alcoholics got to AA, drunks blog. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…Spin this, you bloviating gas bag HAHAHA…I’m outta here ass-wee-pay!! Got falafel?
Yeah, that would be cool. I hope you all have a great weekend. I am going to spend mine curling up with a bottle of Rose, a platter of bacon, and all the while trying to keep the squirrels at bay. I will also try to…hey what’s that shiny thing? What?
See ya Monday…Cheers !!
And Now, Our Moment of Motto…
New Jersey: “F#*K OFF!!”
Have a big problem with my cat, Corky. I live in a second floor apartment that has a huge tree outside, visible from all windows. Corky loves to sit in the sill of the windows and watch the two squirrels that frolic in the tree. The other day one of the squirrels managed to climb the brick wall and put his face right up against the window, coming face to face with aforementioned feline. Corky nearly had a heart attack as she literally flew from the sill and ran under the bed.
It gets worse for the Corkmeister. That day there were only two squirrels. The day after that there were six, and last night it seemed as though there were three dozen, lined up in the driveway staring at Cork. I figure when their totals get to be fifty or so, the Corkmeister is going down, courtesy of the Nut Brigade.
I love women who perform Kegel exercises regularly. I love bacon as well. I really love when a woman cooks bacon while doing her Kegels. Yum-Oh!!
It has gotten cold once again in oHIo. Yep, as soon as I walked outside this morning, I had a George Castanza moment. It shrunk like a frightened turtle. Brrrrrr. But frosty weather does have its advantages…As they say, “The frost is on the pumpkin, it’s time for dickie dunkin’…” No, seriously, people do say that.
I would like to be interviewed by Bill O’Reilly. I think it would be pretty cool. It might go something like this:
BO: Matt, I have seen and read your blog site and frankly sir, I think you should join AA.
Matt: Listen dumbass, I am a drunk not an alcoholic.
BO: And you think there’s a difference?
Matt: Sure there is, you prickish moron…alcoholics got to AA, drunks blog. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…Spin this, you bloviating gas bag HAHAHA…I’m outta here ass-wee-pay!! Got falafel?
Yeah, that would be cool. I hope you all have a great weekend. I am going to spend mine curling up with a bottle of Rose, a platter of bacon, and all the while trying to keep the squirrels at bay. I will also try to…hey what’s that shiny thing? What?
See ya Monday…Cheers !!
And Now, Our Moment of Motto…
New Jersey: “F#*K OFF!!”
11 comments:
the squirrels v/s corky made me chuckle
it's quite frosty here this morning!
We're under a "severe wind advisory" and the wind chill (I haven't heard that phrase in months!!!) is 25°
!!!
Brrrrrrrrrr
by the way: your short story is now posted at Writer's Ink
Have a great weekend!
Thanks Mo...You do the same.
My tummy hurts from laughing, Matt. Drunks blog? Hahahaha! *takes a swig of beer*
You can tell that a woman is doing her Kegel exercises even if you don't...uhh...get intimate with her?
Lizza, I am blessed to be one of the few people to have been medically documented as having "Kegel-Vision"...
Cheers and have a great weekend!!
You really hate clowns, huh?
Hmmmmm....
Maybe it's not the clowns, maybe it's a latent fear of juggling.
Reading this entry reminds me of listening to a six year old talk on and on about one subject after another non-stop in one of those sentences that never seem to end, because you know, that's really funny kind of like rainbows I really like rainbows they're pretty and colorful like cotton candy that I got at the fair I went to that was so fun oh my god because there was a ferris wheel there speaking of wheels I drove a lot today because my power was out I drove to Panera Bread and Target and the mall and to the pumpkin patch and we went on an itchy hayride!
An itchy hayride, wow, that sounds really itchy just like this weird nickel-sized rash I have below my right boob and I have no idea what kind of rash it is but it's a pretty red wine color just like the sweater I wore today which isn't itchy at all and my coat is wine-colored too which is ironic because I don't like wine at all but once in awhile I like fun stuff like frozen dacquiris or margaritas although I hate tequila because of that icky gross worm in the bottom of the bottle which is really disgusting but hey I wonder if that shiny thing will be friends with me...
oh baby pass the bacon!!!!! and LMAO@ jersey quote... SO true!
I have been warning people about those stalking squirrels for over a year now...finally someone is listening.
I hate clowns too.
It's comforting to know that freaks like all of you exist...Thanks for all of the comments!!
Post a Comment