Matt-Man: Givin' Everyone the Bird

Man I am drained. The elections, Rumsfeld, and the resulting 48 hour ejaculation frenzy over it have worn me out. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I am one used up piece o’ meat. Today is a day where I feel such exhausted happiness that it’s hard to be funny. However, this is a good day to take some time and plan to be funny.

With all that has happened recently, I began to think of all the things for which I have to be thankful. In two weeks we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for this year, that I can’t keep it to myself. I need to share my joy with others. What better way to share it than inviting interesting people from the past and present over to the Bagwine digs for a huge Thanksgiving celebration? That’s right folks; the Matt-Man has cleared it with Schmoop and is having another dinner party.

If you recall, late last summer, the Matt-Man had President Bush, Joe Stalin, Jesus Christ, and the lovely Gina Lollobrigida over for a dinner party and hilarity ensued. I had dinner items prepared in honor of each guest. For example, I had pastrami, goat cheese, and other kosher items that the guests could use to personalize their very own knish. In honor of Jesus, I called it the Crucifixins’ Bar!! Ha.

Anyhoo, it’s time for another big time blow out. Who should I invite this time? Napoleon Bonaparte would be fun, especially if he showed up in full uniform. Crazy Don Rumsfeld has free time now, but I doubt if he would be in a very good mood. Plus, he would probably try to bully the diminutive Frenchman. Henry the VIII, Buddha, Leonardo DaVinci, Mel Gibson, and Ariel Sharon would all make fine male guests. In fact if Sharon attended that would give me a ready made vegetable for dinner. But what about the ladies?

Catherine the Great would be, well, great. I could find out if she really did get it on with a horse. Anita Ekberg, Jayne Mansfield, Eva Longoria would add some sexiness to the shin dig, but they’re kinda one trick ponies. I always thought that the former Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto, was pretty hot in her day. Hmmm…Mother Teresa, I bet she is laugh riot down deep. So many choices, and only two weeks to go….

I would certainly appreciate any suggestions as to who should be invited, what should be served etc. If you aren’t sure as to what goes into or on during my dinner parties, please refer to links below which take you through the events of my last blow out. I appreciate any help you can offer. Cheers…

Who To Invite...

Transportation Issues...

Party Prep...

Pickin' Up the Prez...

The Play by Play Party Highlights...


P.S. If you’re thinking of inviting anyone from the Narragansett Indian tribe don’t bother. They weren’t too thrilled with what happened after the first Thanksgiving.