Streaming Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiday…So buckle up, enjoy the ride, and bend over ‘cause I’m a gonna spank ya. Boo Yah. Nancy Pelosi is not just the first female Speaker of the House, in my book she is a definite GILF!! Hummina hummina hummina. I hate the word “proactive”. It’s a stupid word. I mean break it down: “pro”=for and “active”=doing something. I am for doing something….doesn’t mean I will, but by God I am FOR it.

I hate the word “multi-task” as well. I am very good at multi-tasking…Oh really? Multi-Task on this you Jezebel. So overused…Speaking of overused, my liver hurts. I like liver and onions, anyone else? I know Janna doesn’t, because she hates all onions. I may have mentioned my love of liver before, because I recall someone commenting that they don’t eat organ meat…prude. Eating a cow’s liver really puts me in the moooooooooed. Ha.

If I had to be an inanimate object, I wouldn’t mind being Tyra Banks’ car seat. If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening, all over Bill O’Reilly’s head. Wow, it would take an enormous hammer for that big noggin. I had a good chuckle yesterday. I was looking at my stats meter and my hits are exceeding my log. I thought to myself, “I need to increase the size of my log.” But we already knew that, didn’t we? As I was looking at my stats I also saw that someone was directed to my site by Googling “non-surgical circumcision”. Head On…Apply Directly to the Foreskin!!

Paper or plastic? I enjoy popping bubble wrap. I hear that Dubya is going to let us in on his new strategery for the Iraq war next week. I am pretty sure what he will say, “Failure is not an option, our plan is to succeed.” Brilliant!! Here ya go Pretzeldunce, have a 12 pack of Bud and get back with us with something a little less infantile…Moron. I’ve got two eyes, one two. They’re both the same size, one two. I’ve got twoooooo eyes, and they’re both the same size…a Sesame Street classic indeed.

Holy cow my hemorrhoids are acting up today. They’re protruding out further than Marcia Brady’s proboscis in the episode where she got hit in the face with a football. If Steinbeck were still around he could pen a new novel entitled, “The Grapes of Matt.” Zowie, I am on fire and not in a good way my friends. Where in the hell is a Sitz Bath when you need one? Myocardial Infarction, a fun word to say and yet a definition that yields such dire consequences. Ironic, eh?

It’s nearly 60 degrees here on January 5th. I may go outside and run naked through the park…but I won’t…because that would be silly. I mean, why would I run? I would be hacking up tar, nicotine, and gastric bile all over myself while my hemmies drag across the pavement…Screw that, I am gonna lie on my side and smoke. Luuuuucy, you got some ‘splainin to dooooooooo. Shocka shockaaaaah.

Have a wonderful weekend all, spend it playing Nude Twister. See you all Monday…Cheers!!

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