Streaming Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiiiiiday, so lock the doors and hide the children. I woke up at 4:39 A.M. this morning. That was redundant. I was awakened by a nightmare. Katie Couric was chasing me with an axe and just as she was getting close to lopping off my head, Leslie Nielsen stepped in and smashed her face in with a shovel…WTF? Onamontapeia, I love that word….Ka-BOOM, CLANG!!...Whoosh.

As you know, tonight my 12 year old son debuts as a comedian of sorts, and I am in a quandary, Do I cheer loudly, or say “Dude, you suck, get off the stage!?” I played Ali Hakim in the musical “Oklahoma!” in High School. I have been in several plays over the years. Interesting? Eh, not so much…Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry. Does anyone get scurvy anymore? When I take you out in my surrey. Lack of Vitamin C causes that. With the fringe on top!! Ooo, pardon me, I just belched.

I am running around to do some errands today. I mean, not as we speak, but later, around noon. I am wearing boxers today. Ninety percent of the time that’s what I wear. About five percent of the time I wear briefs, and the remaining five percent I take a page out of the Britney Spears play book. I find thigh high stockings and hi-heels sexy. They look pretty good on women as well. I’m just kidding…I don’t intentionally cross dress, but one Sunday morning a couple of years ago I woke up with Schmoop’s panties on. We don’t know why it happened or how I managed to squeeze my ass into them. It looked like I was wearing a thong…Not pleasant for either of us.

Oh good lord, I have some serious gas. WOW!! It’s not childishly humorous gas that makes funny noises. It’s more like what Saddam used on the Kurds…great googly moogly. You know, if I were to…hold on. I had French Bread pizza last night. Yum-Oh!! That was pretty much my bread allotment for the week. Can’t wait to have Dave shave my head Sunday. There once was a blogger named Matt-Man…Whose mind was that of a trash can…He begged his readers to lay him, but he couldn’t persuade them. So he said, “Screw it, I’ll just use my left hand.” Not bad…

It’s tough sometimes being left handed, but it’s a great excuse to sit at the head of the table or on the outside of a booth when eating out. Ya don’t want me elbowing you, do you? Cacophony is a cool word as well. Sounds dirty….goes well with orgasmic. He sent her into an orgasmic cacophony…see? Dammit, there’s never any scorpions around when you need one…

Hey y’all Desert Songbird’s Birthday is this weekend so click HERE and wish her a good one. Desert, I will fly out tomorrow to personally deliver a thorough spanking…Have a great weekend all, and I’ll see ya Monday.

Cheers!!