Streaming Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness of Friiiiiiiiday, so get your duct tape and put on a diaper because I feel like driving to Cape Canaveral. I am out of my post-birthday funk, and if no one pees on my parade today, I am going to have a glorious weekend. Oh yeah, I am going to throw it down and after I go see Sweetman tomorrow morning, lookout because I am tying one on.

My 12 year old son has his first little crush. He has ordered a red carnation at school for his object of desire. They will be handing them out on Valentine’s Day. I hope she returns the admiration…if the little harlot doesn’t, I will break her legs and tell her that I am banging her mom. Boo Yah!! I feel sad about Anna Nicole Smith. For some reason I liked her or maybe I just felt sorry for her. Go tell it on the mountain over the hills and everywhere…Killer Clowns from Outer Space…Pfffft I have a movie idea that I am going to market to the Martians. It’s titled “Killer Astronauts from Earth.”

A guy from a loan company called last night and started talking to me about my application. I didn’t apply for a loan but evidently a guy named John did. I talked to the guy for about fifteen minutes. Just a heads up John…I gave the guy all of your “info”. You are a construction worker, and your wife, who I named Nancy, is a Nursing Home worker. Both of you are supposed to be in Cincinnati at 5 o’clock next Tuesday. Bring your 05-06 tax information, home owners insurance, and recent pay stubs. Chad will be waiting for you to complete your application. By the way, your house is worth $75,000.00. You can thank me later. What a prick I am.

Schmoop’s brother gave me a nose hair trimmer for my B-Day. I was excited. I spent a good part of Super Bowl Sunday pulling nose hairs out. Oh dear the mixture of pleasure and pain. I used the trimmer last night. The verdict: Bee Yoo Tee Ful…If my nose could predict the future, would that make me Nostrildamus? You know you’re getting old when you get excited about receiving a nose hair trimmer. I wonder what Boy George is doing right now. Do you really want to hurt me? Dusty Springfield is dead.

I need a smoke. I feel tar depleted. FOX News is a fricking joke. Carefree Highway let me slip away, slip away on you. I found out that my…what is that? Anyway, I found out that my brother’s wife buys Rachel Ray cookbooks for him. Disturbing. Schmoop suggested tonight’s cocktail music. We are pulling out the Go-Go’s. She wants to hear “Lust to Love”. I think somebody is feeling randy!! I have never had a glass of goat’s milk…

Enjoy your weekend everybody. I’m spending mine taking pictures of Schmoop naked. Don’t get too excited, she’ll be fully clothed. I’ll be the one naked. The mortified look on her face will be priceless…Cheers!!