Gettin' The Bagwine Train Back On Track

I hate falling behind in my activities.

The last few days have been a departure from my mundane life. I have actually had a few things to do.

Some of my excursions have included fun times with family so it has been good.

I have however, fallen behind in my blog visits, and creative output.

I am deeply sorry for this. I feel much shame and embarrassment for dissing you all.

I have plenty of Bagwine fun in the works…

An amusement park, some religious education for the Lenten season, a look into my soul via a meme that was unfortunately graciously tagged upon me by Sindi, and a cooking segment or two.

I also have some new songs and Jesus pictures to produce and last but not least, a shocking expose' on one, Senator John McCain. This Bagwine expose' will show McCain to be what he truly is…an asshole.

Yes, my friends, plenty of guffaws and bits of learning are in the pipeline, and now I have to turn on the spigot and get it flowing.

So…This is it for today…That’s all there is…There isn’t anymore. I must crack the whip and work on constructing some chuckles for you.

You see, I don’t own Bagwine Ruminations…you do. I work for you, and it’s time for the Matt-Man to put in a little overtime.

Before I go, I will pass this on to you. We had a couple more disturbing dream episodes over the weekend.

I say “we” because evidently my nightly, unsettling dreamcapades have rubbed off onto Schmoop.

Schmoop told me that the other night she was dreaming that she was butt nekkid, underneath a waterfall having sex with none other than William Shatner.

She was quick to point out that he didn’t look old like he does today, but he was looking like Captain Kirk.

He even had his uniform on. I guess this bit of information was supposed to make the entire, sordid episode more palatable.

It didn’t…I was jealous. That should have been me underneath that waterfall having sex with Bill Shatner.

I mean, I’m not gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but who wouldn’t want to get their warp factor on with the greatest actor of our generation? No one, that’s who.

Maybe more disturbing than Schmoop’s dream was one that I had about new Bagwine devotee Leelee. I dreamed that the lovely Lee came to visit me in Bagwine, Ohio.

After envisioning having a few drinks and laughs with her, I fully expected to hop into bed for some romping. But nooooooooo…

We hopped into my car and I showed her around town. Holy Crap!! I can’t even get laid in my dreams anymore. Friendship is a great thing, but throw me a frickin’ bone Mr. Sandman.

Sheesh.

Anyway, today I will refrain from exploring new masturbation techniques, catch up on your blogs, and get to work on making merriment for you all. Enjoy your Monday, and as always…

Cheers!!