Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Solid As A Rock

A short Sunday Morning Church Disservice today…My face is still swollen. I think it is my body rebelling against my decision to go meatless during Lent…Such a pissy body.

Any of you who have traveled up or down I-75 between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio have probably seen the Solid Rock Church just off to the side of the highway.

In front of the Church, is a great big statue of Jesus coming up out of a pool of water. Holy Water perhaps.


This statue never fails to crack me up instill in me a great deal of reverence. It is a moving work crafted out of holy alabaster plaster.

Pastors Lawrence and Darlene Bishop (pictured above) are the founders of this Godly Get Together Temple.

I think we owe them a word of thanks for having the courage to show their love for Jesus and their unbridled sense of gaudiness by erecting this stirring piece of art.

This Sunday, in lieu of asking God to help clear up my face, please go to their website and leave the Bishops a word of thanks and encouragement for their ministry.

The link to their Church Website is: Solid Rock Church

I emailed them at 7:15 this morning, and told them that while Darlene is a little long in the tooth and seems to have had some plastic surgery, I still find her pretty damn hot.


I hope they write me back.

Amen, and Amen…

And now for our Sunday Serenade…This is a stirring tribute to the Solid Rock Church Jesus statue written and performed by Heywood Banks.

Many of you have probably heard it before, but it is always worth another listen. Especially, today…The Day of the Sabbath.

Cheers!!




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49 comments:

Cheesy said...

It's "big butter jeebus" !!!

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: I have heard it hundreds of time and it still makes me chuckle. Cheers!!

Dana said...

I would have thought Big Butter Jesus would have had better taste - why isn't he drinking the Jack Daniels Single Barrel??

Schmoop said...

Dana: Maybe so, but I do not question the ways of The Lord. Cheers Dana!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Dana makes an excellent point...

OH and your face? It will probably now explode releasing all of the meat you have ingested since last Easter...

Tell Schmoop to keep at least 10 feet away at all times so she is not covered in the digested pounds of animal flesh....

Schmoop said...

Bond: Schmoop usually stays at least 10 feet away from me at all times anyway. Go Figure. Cheers!!

Odat said...

That video is brilliant! I never heard that before....LMAOOOOOOOOO.
I love it.

(GET YOUR FACE TAKEN CARE OF!!!!!!)

Peace

Jay said...

I've driven from Dayton to Cincy before, how did I miss that! I so would have stopped and taken pics of that thing.

I did get pics of Big Bone Lick State Park though.


I'm attending my Sunday Worship services too. I'm watching Food Network and worshiping Giada de Laurentiis.

Jeff B said...

That statue is gaudy...or is that Godly. Either way it fits the plastic look of Lawerence and Darlene.

Schmoop said...

Odat: It is pretty damn amusing. I'll get it taken care of. Cheers!!

Jay: Big Bone Lick State Park is a classic.

Praise be To Giada, her cleavage, and her Bratz Doll head. Amen. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Jeff: You should see a close up of Darlene. Her botox fed face is tighter that my infected cheek. Cheers!!

Sandee said...

Loved the video Matt-Man. That Jesus is downright ugly. Must have been beaten with an ugly stick. Lordy, lordy, lordy. Great job putting this together. Feel better. :)

Schmoop said...

Sandee: I don't know who put the vid together but it is pretty amusing.

I wll be laying on the couch all day. Cheers and enjoy your Sunday!!

desert rat said...

And I thought having my picture taken next to world's largest raisin box was special - now I know better - I feel holier already!

Schmoop said...

Desert Rat: I am glad that, in some small way, I could contribute to your spiritual uplifting. Cheers!!

Leighann said...

Normally I'd be willing to send emails full of sunshine, but being it's for religious purposes I would most assuredly turn to stone. And well, I just can't have that!

Schmoop said...

Leighann: I understand. Hell, I the good Pastor and tell the dude his wife looks hot and I don't even get a response.

That's not very Christian of him. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

I refuse to feel sorry for the idiot Jesus Crispies who get taken by oily "pastors" like those two fake and bakes. If you are so fucking stupid that you would hand over your life savings to two people who look like they are sleazey QVC hosts then you deserve to eat tree bark in your old age.

They are proving Darwin wrong as well with that whole survival of the fittest so that has to warm their hearts even as winter heating bills freeze their toes. I'd love to buy a billboard right next to that with 2 words on it. Bend Over.

Schmoop said...

Starr: Don't sugar coat it. Tell me how you really feel.

You should email them and let them know that. I am sure they would appreciate your fresh perspective. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Oh they wouldn't care. You and I both know that these people don't actually believe the crap they say :P

It is all about the Show Me The Money!

Schmoop said...

Starr: Are you telling me that my years of worshipping Benny Hinn have been misguided and all for naught? Cheers!!

Deb said...

"Long in the tooth" cracks me up! Did you really say that? You're hysterical. lol

A bit over the top these peeps, huh?

Schmoop said...

Deb: Of course I did. I had to find some form of self-amusement at 7:15 on a Sunday Morning.

They are a bit over the top...To put it kindly. Cheers Deb!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Nah Matt you kept him in tans which in turn stimulated the economy :P

I am out of butter, where bouts is the butter jeebus?

Schmoop said...

The Big Butter Jeebus is about an hour south of me. I'll drive down there and rip off his middle finger.

That should keep you in butter clear up to the time of the Rapture. Cheers!!

RW said...

I have heard this but the images to go along are killing me lol! Thanks for the good laugh, hope your tooth feels better soon or I can tie a string around it & one end tied to a rock to throw at big butter Jesus, but I do have that problem "who so ever is without sin cast the first rock tied to a bad tooth" Cheers!!

the Book of Keira said...

I believe that your face is only huge because you stored up a bunch of meat to get you through your fasting.

I'll pray for you.

Schmoop said...

Roger: The tooth feels fine it's my face that is fucked up. Yes, we all knew that to begin with. Thanks for your warm offer of Holy Denistry. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

108: If only that were true. I would be sucking my own cheek if that was possible. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

I was hoping to see pictures of your swollen....face!

Schmoop said...

Metalmom: Just watch The Elephant Man...I could play the lead role. Cheers!!

the Book of Keira said...

I'm hungry... can I suck your cheek?

Schmoop said...

108: Sure, just be gentle for once. You don't want to hear me scream do you? Nevermind, I know the answer to that. Cheers!!

the Book of Keira said...

Honey, I'm ALWAYS gentle....

Schmoop said...

108: Really? And I so liked you until this point. ; ) Cheers Baby!!

DirkStar said...

Yeah, I emailed em' too!

Feeling better at last and trying to catch up with all my blog buds...

Hope you are feeling better?

Schmoop said...

Dirk: Thanks and glad to hear that you are feeling better now. I guess you are now tan, rested, and ready. Cheers!!

Unknown said...

That’s quite a website they’ve developed.

Strangely, I have driven has section of I-75 many times in recent years and have never noticed the Solid Rock Church.

Schmoop said...

Nick: If you haven't noticed it...You my good man of the cloth, are going to Hell. Cheers Nick!!

Kila said...

Wow, that is quite a statue.

It got your attention, so it achieved its goal!

The church seems similar to the contemporary one I attend. No statues, though.

Kila said...

P.S. Their pastor and his wife freak me out a little. How are they going to reach the common sinner dressed like that?

crpitt said...

This is your official Willy visit from Willys owner :)

Just checking out the final three to see if your worthy of the honour of maybe winning :)

Cinnamon Girl said...

Yes but is it a Slick Willy ;)

Lex Valentine said...

Too funny as usual. Damn. That picture has all the earmarks of this decade's Jim and Tammy Faye. Oh, wait. That position's already been taken by that Osteen dude and his wife.

Schmoop said...

Kila: The Italian tailored suit and the plastic surgery don't appeal to the run of the mill sinner? I am SHOCKED!! Cheers Kila!!

Claire: Thanks for stopping by and tell Willy that I said, Hi. Cheers!!

Starr: From I what I have seen of Claire's Willy it gets slick from time to time.

Schmoop said...

Winter: Thank ya!! Yeah, they are slick lookin' alright. But they have a way's to go to catch up with the Osteens, Rod Parsley, and some of the other charlatans. Cheers!!

crpitt said...

Hey! Willy does not get slick :(

He is a non sex-toy!

:)

Schmoop said...

Claire: That's what they all say, Claire. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

See? This is one of the reasons I always loved Bob and Tom - Heywood Banks. That man is a comedic genius.