Friday, March 14, 2008

Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so deepen my voice, dress me in a 70’s pantsuit, and call me Maude ‘cause I am in a relatively bad mood.

Much like Kramer from Seinfeld, I have an internal alarm clock beyond reproach, but this morning it didn’t go off.

Son of a Bitch…

There are few things in life that really tick me off, but waking up late is one of them. Man I gots lots o’ shit to do today.

I have to do some runnin’ around this morning.

I have to put together something for Vinny’s Site for Monday, and ruminate over the big happenings forthcoming next week.

Boy Howdy!! Next week is HUGE. Palm Sunday Church Disservice…St. Patty’s Day…Our favorite Messiah gets nailed to a Cross on Friday..and…

I’m forgetting something...um…oh yeah!!

Thursday, I will be putting something special into your Easter baskets during a very creepy special Half Nekkid Thursday, The Easter Edition.

Mmmmm the coffee is helping. Did you see the pics of the hooker that Eliot Spitzer spent thousands of dollars on to sleep with?

She’s pretty hot, but c’mon…Five Grand for some nookie?

All I have to do is keep the house clean, make Schmoop a fresh, hand-made cheeseburger, and she’ll have me screamin’ “Praise Jeebus” in no time.

Better still, I’ll be able to lick burger grease from her chin while bringin’ in my dogie. Ride Me Cowgirl!!

Okay, my bad mood is starting to subside a little, as is my use of foul language, dammit. Boo Yah!! Clicky Clack, Clicky Clack.

I’m having my personal stylist completely shave my head next Saturday…

On Easter Morning, I will wake up with a smooth head in honor of The Resurrection. I will then proceed to eat mucho meat-o.

If you leave me now…You take away the biggest part of me…Oooooo ooooo oooo baby please don’t go. I hate Chicago.

I guess I better get this party wound down, because I have to shave, read some bathroom material, and take a shower.

I am in such a hurry this morning, that I better fantasize about Jessica Alba, rather than Barbara Bush while washing my wanker.

No time to spare my friends…

If I don’t respond to your comments right away or get around to your blogs this morning, it just means that I am absent.

Absent in a physical sense, not my typical, absent in a moral and mental sense.

Enjoy your Friday folks, see ya ‘round later and over the weekend.

Cheers!!

65 comments:

Dana said...

Being that you sang a song, I'm assuming you hate Chicago as in the band, not Chicago as in the city - unless you're me - then you hate both! But we know you aren't me (thank goodness!)

Schmoop said...

Dana: Yes the band, not the city. And while I am not you, I do, at times, think of our bodies being as one. Cheers!!

Liz Hill said...

When you get back you'll fin that a couple of your old friends miss you and have left notes on my blog today ;-)

Schmoop said...

TB: I bet they're meaty friends, aren't they? Cheers!!

Jeff B said...

"I'm having my stylist completely shave my head next Saturday..."

Now that you're in the political arena I'm thinking this is code for your going to be soliciting a helmet wash from Tyra Banks with some of the tax payers money.

Lu' said...

Amazing for an IN A BAD MOOD IN A HURRY NO TIME TO POST, post.
:) GOOD DAY MATT.

Schmoop said...

Jeff: Well, it didn't mean that originally, but it does now. Mmmmmm Tyra. Thanks for the idea. Cheers!!

Lu: Thank ya. Have a great Friday Lu. Cheers!!

RW said...

Busy as a suicide bomber who brings a restriction note in from his doctor. Have a good weekend Matt, don't work to hard!

Ken said...

Holy Hozanna in the highest you do have a big week coming!

John: Chapter 20 verse 9
For as yet they knew not the Scripture of Matt, that he must rise again from the dead"

Cheesy said...

Good luck beats early rising. If you get a reputation as an early riser, you can sleep till noon. Give away all you like, but keep your balls.... I mean bills and your temper.

Schmoop said...

Roger: Great...You mentioned "suicide bomber". Homeland Security will be back on my site. Cheers!!

Micky: Oh don't worry. Come Easter Morning and bacon touches my lips, there will certainly be something rising. Cheers!!

Cheesy: Ahhhh, very good point. Have a safe trip my friend and Happy Birthday to your Mom. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

My mind shudders to think what you're cooking up for HNT during Holey Week...er, I mean Holy Week.

Surely something truly tasteless, blasphemous, and disgusting.

Heh. Heh.

Bring it, baby.

Schmoop said...

Songbird: Holy HNT will be more of a secular Easter celebration, but yes, my buddy Hayzoos will be chiming in. Cheers Dear!!

Lex Valentine said...

I like you absent in the moral sense. Jessica Alba is hot. Do you like to share?

Odat said...

I have an internal clock too..but lately I've been practicing for retirement...and I still wake up at 6AM!! Can't wait to see your naked head! ;-)
Peace

Anonymous said...

If you're celebrating Palm Sunday,make sure to use a great lube. You don't want to get blisters.

Jay said...

I'm sorry, did you have a blog post to go with that pic of Jessica Alba? I can't seem to see anything else. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I share Jay's concern. If you expect us perverts to read your posts, you have to stop distracting us with pics of Jessica's hot little butt.

That being said, great post!

Angell said...

I'm with Jay & Wormbrain. That is one HAWT shot of the woman.

I'm giggling like a schoolgirl in anticipation of next week's posting. And I have hung signs everywhere reminding me not to be drinking anything when reading, lest the monitor get a cola bath.

SMOOCHES - enjoy the weekend, I'm off to cross the border for a weekend of shopping.

Leighann said...

I'd like to be first in line to buff your newly shaven head :)

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Barbara will be so disappointed to know you threw the image of her glistening naked body aside for some young little blond.

Schmoop said...

Winter: I don't typically like to share Jessica, but I guess if I shared her with you, we could make a movie, "The Fantastic Three." Cheers!!

Odat: Cant wait to see my naked head, eh? Be still my heart. Cheers Odat!!

Metalmom: No need. I have callouses from years of over use. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Jay: I don't remember what I typed myself. She does have that effect doesn't she. Cheers!!

Worm: Thanks, and now excuse me while I continue to stare at her. Cheers!!

Angell: Yes she is. Next week should be blasphemous. Enjoy your weekend and Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Leighann: Mmmmmmmm. I bet your are a bodacious head buffer Leighann. Cheers!!

Bond: It's payback for her spreading her legs and giving birth to Dubya. Cheers!!

Ed & Jeanne said...

While you're having your head shaved, go for the Jessica Alba hair tattoo before you completely get rid of it all. You'll thank me in the mirror later...

The Teamster said...

ok....first of all matt...my tulips are only for one...and those lips go on a she, not a he...

second...if you shave your head (as I do) you need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes....don't cut yourself...it can be very painful

can't wait for the general election.....are you going to be on the official ballot in California?

Schmoop said...

VE: I appreciate your concern but I do this every three or four months anyway. It's not like I have alot of hair left to begin with. Cheers!!

Teamster: Well I hope the K-Woman enjoys them.

I'll clean my carpet but I taint shavin' it. It provides with much needed comfort.

Oh I'll be on the ballot, as the Bagwine Candidate. Cheers!!

leelee said...

Damn Jessica Alba and all her ilk...

She's too hot..damn her

Schmoop said...

Leelee: Yeah she's hot, but would she find me Sponge-Worthy? Cheers!!

leelee said...

who wouldn't??? now run your qualifications by me again?

Schmoop said...

Leelee: Ha...Sorry to have started this, I'll end it now. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Leelee: Have a great Friday. I better see you at Church Sunday. Cheers!!

Ken said...

Don't do it!!!! Matt-Man
Keep your head piece.

Corinthians Chapter 11
Verse 14

Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have no hair, it is a shame unto him?

Schmoop said...

Micky: If that is true, I have been living in three quarters shame for quite awhile. Cheers!!

leelee said...

I be there...by hook or by crook, by golly

Schmoop said...

Leelee: Pax Vobiscum. Cheers!!

Biscuit said...

I'm sorry, I didn't get any further than this:

"On Easter Morning, I will wake up with a smooth head in honor of The Resurrection. I will then proceed to eat mucho meat-o."

Schmoop said...

Biscuit: Ha. That is so sinful of you to turn my Road to Salvation into somehting littered with the potholes of obscene sexuality. I rebuke you, and your unholy hotness. Cheers!!

leelee said...

necnon vobis

HUGS!!

Schmoop said...

Leelee: Domi Nos Pizza. Cheers!!

leelee said...

lol

Unknown said...

I cannot lie...
1. I am scared of what Thursday will bring, my mental visions get more intense each minute I think of the crazy things you could do.

2. I am fantasizing after that picture of Jessica Alba, that is a hot one.

3. How late did you sleep? I am sure I overslept more than you!

Raven said...

Being morally absent is so much fun!
So what are you planning for your first meat filled meal this year?

Schmoop said...

Mama: No matter how disturbing Thursday may be, it will be HAWT!! I slep until 6 AM...I'mm usually up by 5. Have a good weekend Sassy, and Cheers!!

Raven: Yes it is...I'm not sure yet. Typically it doesn't matter, as long as it's meat and lots of it. Cheers!!

Jahooni said...

i am more jealous of Schmoop getting to eat your meat, and then you licking the juices off of her mouth!

I would rather look at your ass any day than hers!

Schmoop said...

Jahooni: Don't be jealous. It takes a strong woman to be with me. One with poor eyesight, bad hearing, and a strong stomach. Cheers!!

maryt/theteach said...

You always make my day Matt-man! Thanks for sharing! :D
Sláinte agus saol agat. and
Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig! Ta!

Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

I so hate it when I over sleep... makes for a shitty ass day...

Have a great weekend!

SMOOCHES~

Schmoop said...

Teach: Why Thank Ya...Erin Go Braugh and Patty O' Furniture to you. Cheers!!

Dixie: I'm over it now Dixie. Have a good one yourself, and Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

I am so with you on Chicago. With the exception of Saturday In The Park which tickled me as a child.

80's Chicago...gag me with a spoon :P

I live in fear of your Nekked Thursday Specialness. Please say it ain't Special Sauce.

Schmoop said...

Starr: You are dead on with the Chicago thing. Don't worry about any special sauce flyin' on Thursday...

It's more disturbing than that. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Sweet Jebus. Just promise some decent scroll down warning if you decide to do a Senor Wences of the X Rated variety, mmk?

Or anything sock puppet related. Or your personal take on totem art, pole or otherwise :P

Schmoop said...

Starr: Ha...Sock Puppets Rule!! Cheers!!

Ginormous Boobs said...

What exactly are you busy shaving right now?

Schmoop said...

GB: Nothing, other than shaving points off of my IQ with every drink. Cheers!!

Tug said...

Is it wrong that I want to see you in a 70's pantsuit with Kramer hair?

Anonymous said...

I guess your really in need of a purple bra... *g*

Schmoop said...

Tug: Ha..Very Good Tug. Have a lovely Friday night and a great Saturday. Cheers!!

Sanni: Ooo Baby. Only if it's yours. With you in it. Cheers Sanni!!

Travis Cody said...

You know how much I love looking at the pic of dear Ms Alba.

You're a good man.

Jahooni said...

CHECK last post... ;)~ smack

Anonymous said...

SweetieHoneyBaby?

WAKE UP!!!

You're Mah Bitch for Tha Week!

Schmoop said...

Travis: Yes I do know. And it makes me proud to know you. Cheers!!

Jahooni: I will do that shortly Jahooooni. Cheers!!

DB: Mmmmmmmmm. I wake up at 4:45 AM, only to discover that I'm your bitch. Damn...things are finally looking up!! Cheers!!

katherine. said...

what they say about the virility of bald men is ever so true...who knew?

there is a certain tulip which is a personal favorite...

I am a little afraid of what maundy thursday may bring...the last supper and all....

Marilyn said...

Considering that you aren't a practicing Catholic, you sire are informed about liturgical events.

Schmoop said...

Kat: Damn right...Bald Men Rock.

Thursday is going to be more of a "feast" than a Last Supper. Cheers!!

Marilyn: I try to keep up. Can't wait for the Triduum. Cheers!!