Raise your heads…Rejoice as One…Wave Your Palms…Hayzoos is in the Bagwine Hizzy!!
It’s Palm Sunday...
A day to celebrate the triumphant entrance of Jebbus riding into Jerusalem on a Holy Ass.
Allow me to offer you a lesson in Judeo-Christian history.
Centuries ago, the denizens of J-Town waved and lay down palm frawns in honor of the Son of that Great Muckity Muck in the Sky.
This palm frenzy thing is much the same way that people in Palestine used to honor Dionysus eons before the arrival of Jeebus.
I have a soft spot in my heart for Dionysus as he is the god of wine. There are many similarities between The Big D and The Big J.
Ressurection, association with wine, eating the flesh and blood…
Of course, Dionysus, unlike Jeebus, was just a myth and in no way whatsoever, influenced the beliefs of the people of JC’s time. No, really.
As Jeebus sat on his ass through the palm strewn roads, the masses waved their palms in deference to his kingliness.
They also waved them because on this day, it was hotter and steamier than Marlon Brando’s ass crack.
And trust me, standing next to a sweaty Jew who has just eaten mutton and bitter herbs is no place to be.
Anyhoo, the Nazarean, waved to the crowds as he trotted through.
Shriners were zippin’ around on wee, tiny chariots pulled by rats.
Lepers, dressed as clowns, cavorted up and down lines of celebrants, tossing their skin and body parts to the kids.
The palm toting crowd smiled and clapped their hands in approval.
Music was provided by the 200 strong, Marching Pharisees Drum and Shofar Corps.
Directly behind them, was a horse drawn flat bed carrying a huge, colorful crucifix made out of papyrus mache’.
Pageantry and foreshadowing abound on the streets of Jerusalem that day.
After the parade, Jeebus, his 12 homies, and Mary Magdalene got together, planned the menu for the Last Supper, and filled out their March Madness™ brackets.
And that my friends, is what really happened on the first Palm Sunday. I hope this information was helpful as well as spiritual.
Amen, and Amen…
And now, our Sunday Serenade…In honor of the return of the Messiah to Jerusalem, I offer you a Bagwine classic.
Matt-Man sings, Nazarean Dandy©. Now, I am off to visit Ryno. Enjoy your Sunday.
Cheers!!
If you can, tune into Turnbaby's Blog Talk Radio Show tonight at 8 EDT. For details, or just to say Hi to TB, click HERE.
Note: Don't worry Vinny; You'll have it sometime today...
36 comments:
Shriners ... they are almost as creepy as clowns!
This is the best sunday school ever..and I was raised Unitarian!
Dana: No Kidding!! It is incredibly disturbing to see a fez wearing 60 year old guy driving a tiny car or scooter. Yikes. Cheers!!
Leelee: Glad I could be of spiritual help to you. Unitarian, eh? Is there anything you guys don't believe in? ; ) Cheers!!
OK, you actually used Crevasse in a song and made it work.... NOW that is talent!
Bond: Ha...Good Observation. I'm still working on your thing...wait...That didn't sound good, did it? Cheers!!
Papyrus mache. ahahahaha.
I feel so much better now that I know the true story!
Peace
Odat: You never fail to pick up on the subtleties. Glad I could put you straight. Cheers!!
This true version of one of Jerusalems biggest days, is so much better than what they taught me in Sunday School. What an inspiration!
I got to go find a palm tree!!!
Micky: The truth is so much more exciting than the bland Biblical version. Good Luck in your quest. Cheers!!
You've got leprosy on the brain lately. Is it because it's Holey Week?
Or is your skin acting up again?
Songbird: Holey Week...Ha. I dunno what it is, but it's been on my mind since I looked down the other day while taking a leak. Cheers!!
Good Palm Sunday to ya Matt: You are something. Very entertaing, all of it. Do you have a cd of all your songs?
Lu: Thanks!! I don't have a CD as of yet. I still have to go back and teach myself the music and re-record them with me playing the keyboard. Cheers!!
Maybe the History channel should stop showing that bullshit story they show every year on Palm Sunday and show yours instead.
Jay: Amen Brother...And now, if you'll excuse me, I am off to get my ass kicked in basketball by my 13 year old. Cheers Jay!!
careful....one day the crowds are singing Hosanna and the next they are nailin' you up on the cross...
have fun with the Ryn man
Kat: People are so damn fickle aren't they?
Just walked in the door. I beat Ryno in Basketball twice; however, I think I will find out in an hour or so that my body was the loser. Cheers!!
OMG, thank you for making me laugh so hard, on what for the Wildcat Nation has been a dark and dreary weekend. I am ashamed to admit that the diva watched your singing Sunday School lesson, not once...not twice...but three times (three is a number with all kinds of magical properties) and if my Wildcats don't get picked for the big dance later today I will be watching your lesson again with a large five gallon bottle of Kosher wine (It IS Sunday after all...one must keep with religious traditions) This might get ugly ("We have a Diva down...I repeat, the Diva is down!)
Diva: My pleasure. Three times, eh? I am flattered. My advice to you is even if KSU does make the tourney to go ahead and drink the wine.
If they don't make it, I'll call the paramedics for you. Cheers Diva!!
OK, explain something to me...if this is the day Jeebus entered the city...why does the frickin date change every year? He couldn't make up his mind? Somone lost his day planner?
Explain this to me...I'm so confused.
Raven: It doesn't change. It's always the Sunday before Easter. ; ) Cheers!!
Happy Selection Sunday! Enjoy the day with Ryno.
Thanks for the Palm Sunday reminder - I'll be looking for the little palm crosses my family in Cleveland makes every year. Another cross for the car visor...yeah!
Travis: Just two and a half hours away!! Cheers!!
GB: Ha...We have a few in the car ourselves. Cheers!!
Shit! we are having Easter on 27th April this year. Goddamn yanks always want to get in first.
Lol. And another song, you are spoiling us:)
Cathy: It's good to see ya.
I think Easter falls on the same day in the Greek Orthodox and the Roman Catholic and other Western Churches every four years or so. I think the next time is 2011. Cheers!!
This story proves that a good ass can really take you places and bring great rewards. As to the palms, if you must have plants make them implants on the opposite side and higher than the good ass.
i don't need church when i have you... preacher man! you can sing to me any Sunday. ;)~
Jamie: You always sum things up so well. I like that. Cheers!!
Jahooni: Lalalalalalalala...That was singing in case you didn't notice. Cheers!!
Hope you had a great Sunday...I went to the beach....again ;-)
Leelee: You Suck!! ; )
I Hope you had a great time Lee. It wasn't too bad for the middle of March here in Bagwine. Cheers!!
OMFG.
Hilarious.
One time, I went to palm sunday with my catholic ex boyfriend and his family.
The priest, or whatever, was Indian.
They came down the rows, and waved palm leaves at us. As I was waved at, I was sprayed with water. Holy water.
WTF???? My hair was totally fucked after that.
Loved the video.
"Oh god, why hast thou forsaken me?"
Christ was afraid. Christ was not perfect. He sinned. It's okay. He was human.
Absurdist: Thanks. I'm surpised that your hair didn't catch on fire. ; ) Catholics are such a fun bunch. Cheers Abs!!
Palm Sunday is that one day every month where I give the old lady the day off and take matters into my own hand.
If you know what mean...
Dirk: Ha...Bada Bing!! Cheers!!
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