Three weeks from today we will celebrate the miracle of Jeebus Christ Superstar givin’ a big ol’ fuck you to the Romans and the Jews by rising from the dead.Joyous liturgical events will take place across this big blue marble of ours.
I will honor JC’s return, and the end of my 46 meatless days of Lent, with a communion of orgasmic oral pleasure.
I will feast upon greasy hamburgers, meatballs, SPAM, and of course, bacon.
Bacon specifically, and pork in general, was the genesis of the Christian faith.
You see, back in the day, some of those of the Jewish persuasion, were sick and tired of not being able to enjoy a big, delicious Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato sandwich during a lazy summer day.
They were also pissed that unlike non-Jews, they weren’t allowed to purchase a tasty bratwurst or a Philistine-sized pork tenderloin sandwich from the concession stand at the weekly crucifixion events.
One day, a novice miracle maker named Jesus, said, “Screw the Pharisees, I want a Ham and Swiss on Rye…But hold the mayo; it truly gives me the runs.”
On that day, a new religion was born, as was the first delicatessen.
From near and far, rebellious Jews craving a hot piece of pig came to follow this man we know as Jesus.
The masses were drawn to him by his love of the porcine flesh. It didn’t hurt that he could change water into wine either.
The Bible is a great piece of literature, but if you want the truth, come to the Matt-Man.
And now, let us bow our heads and pray…
Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
Father, give Matt-Man the strength to complete his final three weeks of meatlessness and find salvation Easter Morning lying at the bottom of his plate of Corned Beef Hash.
Lastly, O’ Heavenly Hot Shot, please allow the religious experience that took place at the Bagwine abode last night, happen again today.
For all of this, Lord hear our prayer.
Amen, and Amen.
Today’s Sunday Serenade comes courtesy of a guy who is now with Lord. I have never been a big country music fan, but I do so love a good voice.
So, while I go off to help Ryno with a science project, enjoy the great vocals of Conway Twitty as he does a little late 50's be-bop prayin’ of his own.
Cheers!!
32 comments:
Let me know if the Mercedes Benz prayer works, would you? I've been trying to figure out how to get my BMW 745i and I'm willing to give praying a shot!
Dana: I don't know if I should pray to God or to Janis Joplin for that one. Either way, it can't hurt. Cheers!!
Ah, this explains it all....Meat Man Jesus! Thanks!
Peace
Odat: He beats Chocolate Jesus, hands down. Cheers!!
I was letting go of quite a few "oh gods" myself last night!
Think it'll count for anything?? ;)
Leighann: It'll count for something alright. You will have fond memories of life on Earth when you are burning in Hell. Cheers!!
Even more to contemplate whilst I listen to today's homily at mass. You're so accommodating.
Songbird: Trust not the fables that your Priest imparts to you. I alone, speaketh the truth. Cheers Dear!!
Can I get an AMEN and a PASS ME THE BACON!!
Halleujah!!!!!!!!!!
Leelee: Mmmmmmmmm Bacon. Happy Sunday to you lovely one. Cheers!!
Christianity from an entirely cullinary perspective! No wonder you are such a popular food blogger.
So Jesus was kind of like Emeril back in the day. "Pork Fat Rules!" "Everything is better with bacon!"
Jesus was cool, man.
Marilyn: Man cannot live on the Body of Christ alone. There must be prok. Cheers!!
Jay: Amen and BAM!! The Son of God recognized the God Given Goodness of Sausage. Cheers!!
Another execerpt from The Gospel of Matt-Man. I'm glad you brought that to our attention. For some reason I never seem to be able to find that book when I'm looking for it.
Jeff: It is not in any book. It came from God's mouth to my ear. Cheers!!
I just had this discussion with my catholic cheating friend who sleeps with married women and his a total whore.
Anyway, I won't go into details, but lent is ridiculous. Eat that meat, baby eat that meat. I'll give you some.
Ok, now I'm hungry. Maple sausage for me though. Corned beed hash sounds good too... hmmn maybe breakfast out today... I'm praying for the swift end to your meatlessness, Matt. I mean, a man without meat is... a lesbian, right? (Not that there is anything wrong with lesbians.) Happy Sunday Matt!
MMMMMMM bacon.. I think I will have to go play with myself now~~~
I just getting caught up from being gone, I see ya called me a "hack" over on Sindi's blog jeez after I just put up a award for ya! With friends like you who needs enemies!!
Absurdist: I'm not even Catholic anymore. I just do it for some twisted joke upon my mental well being. But your meat does sound delicious. Cheers!!
Winter: Just three moew weeks Winter. Man, hash does sound good. I like lesbians too. I may have a sex change and become one. Cheers!!
Cheesy: One Question...Can I watch? Pleeeeeze? Cheers!!
Roger: HA...I meant that in the most kind way Raj. Cheers, glad you're back!!
LOL I know!!! Hey I did put a award up for ya, "Your Blog Rocks"
Roger: Awwww. You are too good to me Roger. I will swing by soon. Cheers!!
I remember when It's Only Make Believe first came out and Twitty was immitating Elvis. I'm glad he finally used his real voice to record so many wonderful songs.
Now it's my B'day and if that Mercedes come through, I'll expect a real pretty bow on the signed pink slip.
Jamie: I wish I had known sooner. Happy Birthday!! I will talk to the Almighty about getting you a new car. Cheers!!
I see now Matt. Duh I just missed it. I never claimed to be a rocket scientist. I do wear glasses and sometimes even 4 eyes doesn't serve me well.
Lulita: Ha...Glad you found it and left a comment Lu.
I am pretty visually challenged myself. Thanks for stopping by, and Cheers!!
pork fat rules ey?
and jesus told ya so ey?
are we invited to your Pig Feast? Of course, once Lent is over and everything since you are sooooo, like a Christian, etc. ey?
Do you feel my bite sting yet? Check your butt, that is where I left my mark! ;)~
Jahooni: You are more than welcome to feat my pork anytime you'd like Jahoooooni.
Mmmmmm, so that's what that pain on my ass is. Nice to know that your Mojolicious Malaria is in my body. Cheers!!
I don't trust people who don't eat bacon.
Boobs: Are you kidding me? Love duh Bacon. Cheers!!
Post a Comment