Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Making An Ass of Myself...In the Name of Science Of Course

I recently conducted a socio-sexual experiment.

I e-mailed a few bloggers of the female persuasion out of the blue and left the following message:

"I have to get this off of my chest…I want to have sex with you."

I wanted to see exactly what type of responses I would get and/or to see if I would receive a virtual bitch slap.

Only after I received their response did I let these fine women know what I was doing.


With their permission, I am posting their replies anonymously.

The first is fairly typical and considering my degree of lecherousness, well-founded:

I bet you say that to all the girls who comment on your blog. ; )

This next one is a bit more bouncy…playfully demanding if you will:

And yet? YOU’RE. NOT. HERE. Bring it, Sweet Cheeks!!

Ahhhh, I liked that one…

Next, a hot blogger who I have known for awhile, responded in a fashion that illustrates that she has known me for awhile as well:


LOL…Like this is new, Matty? ; )~~

Okay, cute…but I detected a little sarcastic one-upsmanship in that response. But, yeah, she was correct, dammit.

The next one kind of throws me…Is it elated surprise, or utter disgust? You decide:

You’ve got to be kidding me!!

I need to follow up on that one. Next, I think you may know who this is, especially if you read last Friday’s post:

Give it a couple of days and then you can have whatever you want.

That is so warm, so human, so “I bet I have to cook dinner for her first”. And you know damn well, I will.

Lastly, and this made my hard drive melt….This one just makes me say, “Hot Damn, Baby!!":

*blushes* Matt!!

What a way to start *my* Friday morning!! If it makes you feel any better, that thought has scurried across my mind more than once ... and it's happened several times when I had a vibrator in my hand *giggle*

And here I was feeling sorry for myself this morning! I needed that smile Matt - THANKS!!

Now that is a thing of beauty.

I don’t care if you’re an old man, a young man, or a Central American Strongman smoking banana peels from a Cuban-Made hookah…Boo Yah, Baby!!

What are the results of my clever socio-sexual experiment? Two Things…

Number one, I am HAWT…And Number Two…

I have delusions of grandeur, and way too much time on my hands.

I want to thank those who graciously allowed me to use their messages.

Have a great day all.

Cheers!!

83 comments:

Jay said...

I'm honestly hurt that you didn't send ME one of those email. You know how sensitive and jealous I am. It's like I don't even know you anymore. ;-)

Ginormous Boobs said...

Seriously, you dissed me too.

Jay, I have to get this off of my chest…I want to have sex with you.

Schmoop said...

Jay: If I knew you weren't going to spurn my advances maybe I would have written. I feel such shame. Cheers!!

GB: I never realized what a heartbreaker I was. At least you two found each other. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

* checking In Box *

* checking Spa Folder *

* pout *

Cinnamon Girl said...

Ok that was funny. Soliciting via email now, eh Matty? You need to make an account on one of those Hot Singles Passion websites and scare the bejebus and/or vibrators outta chicks there. Or hell, chicks with dicks too.

Desert Songbird said...

Incredulity.

Unknown said...

Interesting, uh, scientific experiment.

Schmoop said...

DB: I didn't realize that I was going to alienate the female population. ; ) Cheers!!

Starr: I prefer to scare people I somewhat know rather than complete strangers. Cheers!!

Songbird: I love that word. Cheers!!

Nick: Always here to help, Nick. Cheers!!

Unknown said...

Damn, Matt-man, do you never sleep? No matter what time I post a comment, you seem to be there to respond.

Schmoop said...

Nick: HA...Yes I do. I typically get an entire 5-6 hours a night. Cheers Nick!!

The Ferryman said...

Excellent experiment. Once again I am irritated that I didn't think of it first.

Ken said...

So how many said yes? [with an address]

Odat said...

What will you think of next???? And that's clever how you wrote that post to fit with putting up that sweet ass of yours again...;-)
Peace

Dana said...

Playing favorites again, are you? Poor Jay ... didn't even have a shot at telling you his true feelings! Are you hoping to be the next Jane Elliot??

Schmoop said...

Mr. Fab: Scientific study and the betterment of the human race is very important to me. Cheers!!

Micky: Addresses? Ha. Would any sane woman let me know where she lives? Cheers!!

Odat: You know me too well. But I like that. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Dana: I feel bad about dissing Jay. I truly do love him. And yes, I think I'll divide up the people into two groups just like she did.

However, they, will be adult women with big breatsesses and all will get equal attention. Cheers!!

- said...

Oooooh U Hawt Man U,
I like the way you experiment! (giggle*giggle)

Every woman wants a man with too much time on his hands, yes!?? ; ) (tee*hee*hee)

Kimmie said...

There is that green shirt again and that same pose of your ass. I think we need another view. What do you say girls???

Too much time on your hands....hmmmm...probably alot of something else also! ;-) Ha!
Hugs,
Kimmie

Sparky Duck said...

way way way too early for that picture

Schmoop said...

Smile: I'd rather have something else in hands. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Kimmie: My hands are reserved for God's work. Cheers!!

Sparky: It's never too early for genetic perfection. Cheers Sparky!!

Kimmie said...

Ohhhh Bay-bey...I like that answer... ;)

RW said...

Thats your ass, I thought it was a fat mans knee lol! Great experiment Matt, it's always a party over here!

Schmoop said...

Kimmie: Mnnnn that's great. Cheers!!

Roger: Ha. You are on a roll this week Roger. Cheers!!

Leighann said...

Filing this post away under Sexual Harassment 101!

Teach me oh wise Matt-Man....

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...you are blinding me with science!....

Schmoop said...

Leighann: No, no, no...It's Sexual FULFILLMENT 101. Cheers!!

Phfrankie: That's a first...I usually blind people with my gonnorhea. Cheers!!

desert rat said...

Dude, speaking as a scientist, did you obtain a statistically representative sample? Or were your selections biased?

(...was it my giant mushroom that put you off? - I know it would be a tough act to follow - perhaps the fear of rejection given my obvious affinity for large objects...?)

desert rat said...

BTW - you kill me!

Schmoop said...

Desert Rat: Ha. Thanks. It was representative in the following way...I chose people with whom I was relatively sure wouldn't call the Internets Police and report me.

As for your mushroom...there is no bigger fungi than me. Cheers Rat!!

Lex Valentine said...

You should totally have a contest like Fab's, where your readers have to guess which blogger goes with each comment.

Schmoop said...

Winter: I thought about that and it's a good idea, but I don't want people to know who I may be dorking in the future. ; )~ Cheers!!

Leighann said...

Ah see, I'm forever learning from you! I'm like a willing sponge soaking up your....

okay even I can't go there!

Knight said...

Did anybody reply with "You are such a damn pervert! Can't you make it through one day without harassing me?"
By the way, have I ever mentioned you remind me of my boss?

Knight said...

For the record, that is not how I reply ;)

Schmoop said...

Leighann: Oh c'mon you can go anywhere. You're Wonder Woman dammit. Cheers!!

Knight: Oddly enough I got no "cease and desist" orders. As for the comparison to your boss, I take it that that is not a favorable one. Cheers Knight!!

Schmoop said...

Knight: Rowwwwwwr. Cheers!!

Dianne said...

Nice ass!!

And your butt looks amazing too.

and Jay - check your e-mail ;)
have your helmet on when you do.

Schmoop said...

Dianne: Thanks Dianne...My butt and I thank you.

However, I am a bit verklempt that Jay gets Viking Helmet inducing e-mail from you and I get nuffin'. Cheers!!

Lu' said...

The Viking Hat suits Jay. I think you would be better suited to a, well I'm not sure. I can actually see you in an airline pilots cap, and uniform for that matter. Hmm what club would you be a captain of? That's right, the mile high club.

Ed & Jeanne said...

I tried that experiment too. My parol hearing is in a couple of weeks....

Schmoop said...

Lu: Ha. A long time ago I had a ship's captain's hat. Would that make me captain of the 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea Club? Cheers Lu!!

Schmoop said...

VE: I could be a character witness for ya. But maybe, that's not such a helpful idea. Cheers!!

Jeff B said...

I'm feeling Jay's pain too. I feel so neglected. Ya dirty ho!

Schmoop said...

Jeff: I'm gonna deliver your mail personally baby. Cheers Jeff!!

Anonymous said...

I'm so totally disappointed that I didn't get an email. I would have totally had virtual email sex with you. :-(

Schmoop said...

Lady Jaye: Mmmmmm. Because of your comment I have just determined that this experiment will be an ongoing study, and I will be contacting you in the near future. Cheers LJ!!

Lu' said...

Are you Captain of a mighty ship Matt-Man or a dingy?

Schmoop said...

Lu: It's a ship, not the biggest on the seas, but it never fails to get its passengers to to the Isle of Paradise. Sometimes, more than once per cruise. Cheers Lu!!

Jo said...

Cute buns!

That was a fascinating experiment...no one can pepperspray you--very clever!

Schmoop said...

Jo: Ha. Thanks. That reminds me of an old joke:

Mike Tyson cried the last time he had sex with a woman...Mace will do that to a person. Cheers!!

Karen said...

You are a stud Matt-Man! No argument there.

Schmoop said...

Karen: Why thanks, although you may be in the minority in that thinking, I appreciate it. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

For some reason you ass has me sing the "two scoops of raisons" ditty. For the life of me I don't know why.

Schmoop said...

Starr: That is odd, but just knowing that you are singing because of my ass makes me all feel all fuzzy. Cheers!!

Tug said...

My 'box' is empty here... ;-)

And yeah, what Kimmie said about different angles, k?

Cinnamon Girl said...

Glad I could add the fuzz ;0

For the record I am all for other angles, but remember- crack kills.

leelee said...

smokin' hawt!

HUGS!!

Schmoop said...

Tug: Angles...How about I go all perpendicular on ya? Cheers Tug!!

Starr: Mmmmmmm. Your crack is safe with me. Cheers Starr!!

Leelee: Ha. You are so succinct. Cheers Cutie!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

See now, if you had given us the names in random order and asked us to match up the person with the response this post might have been entertaining...

I think I know 3 of the answers...

And how come my response was not up there?

"Come to Memphis and I will make you forget women" was a very inviting response I thought!

Schmoop said...

Bond: You are giving ME tips on what is entertaining?...I don't think so. Cheers Vinny!!

Sandee said...

I just never know what I'll find over here each day. Too funny. See you can have all the sex you want. Bwahahahahahaha. Have a great day Matt-Man. :)

Schmoop said...

Sandee: If only that were true. Thanks and Cheers!!

Lex Valentine said...

Well, you can always lie about the ones you're poking.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

What? You think you know everything about entertaining?

I don't think so

Cinnamon Girl said...

Man fight!!!

Ok boys the only way to solve this is to whip em out :P

As American as Apple Pie said...

Missed you at PeachFest today. I can see you had your hand full though. However, you missed the big group climax with some of the hottest blogger women there are!

Anonymous said...

It's because I'm fat, isn't it?
Is it because I have BOOBS and not titties?
You just don't think of me 'that' way?

*sigh*

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Starr...I would never embarrass Matt-Man in that way..you know he would sulk and slink away into a corner of the bloggosphere...

Durward Discussion said...

You were charming. They were brilliant. They won.

Travis Cody said...

LOL at what Jamie said, although I might put it this way...

You were bold. They were brassy. Tie goes to the runner.

Schmoop said...

Winter: Good point. How did I miss that? Cheers!!

Bond: Of course not, but God does love me most. Cheers!!

Starr: I'd prefer to have a drink off. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Apple Pie: Ha. I was there this morning too, and then fricking forgot about it. D'oh. Cheers!!

Metal: You will always have special place in my wet dreams. Cheers!!

Bond: I don't think I have ever slinked or sulked in my life. No, seriously. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Jamie: You summed up my life story. Cheers Jamie!!

Travis: Ha. "Tie goes to the runner." Good Call. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

I don't know if I'm flattered you think I'm such a nice girl... or offended that you forgot my e-mail address.

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: You win on both counts because yes, I think you are quite nice, and I still have your email address!! Cheers Marilyn!!

Jahooni said...

i go study and then this? i wasn't even metioned!

oh wait, i am a nerdy study worm that gives up her blog to move forward in her career but comes back to be just that, a nerdy book worm. crap, i have lost all my sex appeal....

Cheers! ;)~

Schmoop said...

Jahooni: I didn't want to distract you from your climb up the ladder. However wear a skirt on your climb and I'll hold the ladder for you. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

I know why you didn't send the e-mail to me... you are afraid of my answer! .. CUTE post!

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: Ha. How did I miss that? A good slap in the face would have been refreshing. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

just another one who was overlooked...sigh....

Schmoop said...

Kay: Ha. Y'know...Here I thought I was showing restraint. Silly me. Cheers Kat!!

Liz Hill said...

*giggling*

Schmoop said...

TB: Ha. Uh-huh. Cheers ; ) !!