Who Can It Be Now?

A month or so ago I thought this was going to be a uneventful summer…

A summer being passed out on the couch from too much Bagwine.

But now…

My Presidential campaign is beginning to get in gear. I have some outside work now. And last night, things really took off.

When I got home around 9:15, I poured myself a glass of Wild Irish Rose, fired up a smoke, and sat at my computer.

I was bummed at first because none of you Bagwine heads had emailed me with naked pics of yourselves, but then...

There was a rap upon the apartment door.

I answered it. Lo and Behold it was the Holy Baby Jeebus.

Needless to say, I was surprised, because…well…It was Christ of all people…and he hadn’t stopped by the Bagwine digs since Good Friday.

I asked him why he knocked, and came in through the door rather than just appearing…He said that he wanted to surprise me.

What a nut. We just talked for a few…made fun of Pastor Rod Parsley, Benny Hinn, and Joyce Meyer over of few blasts of Rose.

Hay-Zoos is a funny son of a bitch. He was telling me about the time he first met Mary Magdalene.

She said to him, “Are those the Twelve Tribes of Israel ‘neath ye robe, or art thou just joyful to see me?”

He said that he found her smoking hot and very funny so they had steamy, Messianic sex that very night.

He told me the funny thing was, the next morning when they awoke in each other’s arms, he put her sarcasm right back into her face.

He told Mary, “Wow, that was good, but I wish I had had a crucifix nailed to me ‘cause for a minute I thought I was going to fall in.”

HA…J-Man and I laughed our asses off. I asked him if Mary got mad.

He said, “Of course not, I’m Jesus, Bitch.” Hahahaha…He High-Fived me; we laughed again.

And then the Son of a Bitch, through the tears rolling down his face said to me...

“And then, hahahahaha, Matt-Man, I said unto Mary, ha, it’s okay if you gave me syphilis last night…I’ll just heal myself. Hahahahahaha.”

Christ is a Goddamn Hoot, I tell ya.

Man, had I missed him. But all good things come to a end.

He said, “I gotta be going. I have to go appear in one of Michelle Malkin’s dreams. Stupid ho, will probably mistake me for Osama Bin Laden…again.”

Before he left, I asked him if I would still be going to Heaven when I die.

He said to me, “Of course you will…You’re Matt-Man, Bitch!!”

Hahahahaha, more laughs and another Holy High-Five. I love that dude.

Shortly after my holy home boy scooted, the phone rang. It was an old pal asking me if I wanted to go camping with him.

Who was it?

Well, since tomorrow is Half-Nekkid Thursday, I guess you will have to come back Friday to find out.

Cheers!!