Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Help Me Kelly, I'm Feelin' Green

Hi Kids…

See that picture on the right there?

That is our couch/my bed. That is where I sleep, eat, and watch TV.

I call her, “Kelly”…I love Kelly.


She comforts me while I slumber or enjoy a cup of hot coffee while watching the morning news.

She’s a good, good, woman. Today, I need her more than usual.

After managing to escape this past winter and spring without the flu or even much of a cold, I have been stricken by a virulent cold virus.

I think I picked it up while hanging out Saturday with an incredibly adorable 13 year old boy. My son, you perverts, my son!! Jeez.

Little did I know that while we laughed, tossed the football, and sat together watching ESPN, he was also conducting a full-frontal germ warfare attack upon me.

He’s fine now…I feel like crap. And not just any kind of crap…

The kind of crap one might experience after a night of consuming Vienna Sausages, corned beef hash, jalapeno poppers, and cheap Tequila…


Served together in a bowl full of Dick Cheney’s man juices gleaned from his Vice-Presidential prick as he watched Apocalypse Now.

Yeah, that’s exactly the type of crap that I feel like. Not good.

So, have a good day, and I will respond and cruise the internets as best I can, but for the most part I will be laying on top of Kelly...

At least until, I go to pick up my adorable virus factory from school. After that, I am going to drag my ass to work tonight.

If you feel compelled to do so, and you have even the slightest concern for my well-being, send me some soup; soup would be nice. Or, a nice, cozy tit shot of yourself. I like tits.

Until, well…um, until whenever…

Cheers!!

47 comments:

Christo Gonzales said...

I guess I should show up here now and again, how else will I express my dominance?

Jay said...

Maybe Sarah Palin will send you a bowl of moose stew.

Get better dude.

Janna said...

Me too! Me too!
I've been under the weather for over a week now. Just when I think it's starting to get better, I start feeling lousy again.

Here's hoping we both get well soon.

katherine. said...

it ain't easy being green....

what kind of soup do you like?

katherine. said...

where is the little trash can??

Schmoop said...

Doggy: By all means stop by. I admire anyone who isn't afraid to demonstrate their own shortcomings. Cheers!!

Jay: I'd rather eat dirt. Thanks and Cheers Jay!!

Janna: That's wonderful news Janna. Thanks for the cheery prognosis. Get Better and Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Hammer: It is kicking off early around here. I will do just that. Cheers!!

Kat: I went on a year long diet some two years ago, eating nearly ONLY soup. There aren't too many kinds that I don't like.

Trash Can? Cheers Kat!!

katherine. said...

a year long diet? wow. is there a before and after picture?

(sometimes there is a little trash can to delete duplicate comments....but you took care of the that for me....thanks)

you are up way early....or I am up way late....

Dana said...

The kind of crap one might experience after a night of consuming Vienna Sausages, corned beef hash, jalapeno poppers, and cheap Tequila…

Matt-Man (said in my whiniest voice)! You said you liked our date last weekend!! But I told you we shouldn't have kissed on the lips - sorry about giving you my cold *wink*

Schmoop said...

Kat: No good pictures to speak of. But I went from about 265 and today am 186. I wonder why the can didn't show up for ya. How rude. I'm up early...couldn't sleep. Cheers!!

Dana: See how you are? You knew EXACTLY what you were doing. Pure Evil. Cheers Dana!!

Lu' said...

Tits and soup, soup and tits. Now there is a cold remedy. Hope you feel her up, I mean feel better soon :)

Schmoop said...

Lu: Soup, breasts, and rest. The cure for the common cold symptoms. Cheers Lu!!

Anonymous said...

Well I'm too far away to send you soup but I'll send you some titty shots later today ;-) Hope you get to feeling better hon!

Schmoop said...

Lady Jaye: Awwww. You and your girls are too kind. Not to mention incredibly HOT. Cheers LJ!!

Desert Songbird said...

I'm up early too; too damn early. Can't sleep either. Feeling fine, just not sleeping.

Get some rest. Leave Schmoop alone and recharge your batteries.

Maybe that'll help.

Schmoop said...

Songbird: I'll try to leave Schmoop alone, but I can't promise the same for my hands. Cheers!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

....mmmmm...you said 'corned beef hash'.....

Schmoop said...

Phfrankie: I loooooove corned beef hash, just not in combination with the other things. Cheers!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

If only Kelly had boobs! Does Schmoop sew?

Hope you feel better soon!

Schmoop said...

RLL: Yes, Schmoop can sew. She can also cook, clean, and do many other things. She just chooses not to.

Maybe that's why I am so run down and my immune system is suffering for it. Cheers, Sexy!!

Ken said...

What about man-tits, will they help?

You asked for tits!

Schmoop said...

Micky: Oh what the hell...send em' along. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Schmoop: The tits that you could have sewn onto Kelly, right? Not yours, right? Right? Don't mess with me while I am ailing. Schmoop? Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

oh how boobies make the world a better place.. *sigh*..

cheers to feeling better...

Schmoop said...

Anais: There are few things better in life than a nice pair. Especially when they are in my warm, wet mou--- Wow...I better go lay back down. Thanks for stoppin' by. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

fer a split second you forgot you were sick..*cough*

Knight said...

You requested soup before boobs? Holy crap you are sick. Hope it passes quickly.

Schmoop said...

Anais: Rising testosterone levels are a powerful thing. Cheers!!

Knight: Ha. Yes I did, and I meant it. Mark this day down, Knight. Cheers!!

Deb said...

I was hysterically laughing at Jay's comment regarding MOOSE STEW! haha!

Well isn't Kelly a lucky gal! ;) I hope you feel better!!! I've been down with a cold and have my my own "Kelly" at home, but it doesn't look as cozy as yours! Can we trade for a day?

*sending you chicken soup*

{{hugs}}

As American as Apple Pie said...

Apple Hubby has been fighting the bug also. His is more a headachy, sore throat, cough sort of thing. If he contaminates me I will be PISSED.

Feel better Matt-man! *kisses*

Schmoop said...

Deb: Sorry to hear that Deb. And yes, whatever you'd like to trade, I am all for it. ; ) Feel better and Cheers!!

Apple: Well, I hope you escape the affliction. Thanks and Cheers, Apple!!

Anonymous said...

Waa Waa, Waa!!!

*feel better.Or feel your own titties!

Schmoop said...

Metal: Now that was just plain hurtful. Cheers!!

Angell said...

Dude that sucks. Feel better baby - and have Schmoop feed u the soup nekked.

How does one send tit shots these days? What's that email address again??? XP

Jeff B said...

Here ya go:

A B C D E F G H I ...

Float these in a bowl of chicken broth and you should be back on your feet in no time.

Schmoop said...

Angell: Thanks. She would probably actually do that for me. Cheers Angell!!

Jeff: The only problem I have with letters in my soup is that it gets cold because I spend too much time trying to put together dirty words. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Burning question....was it the extended director's cut of Apocolypse Now?

Sorry ya feel bad, Matt =( I myself have that weird "off" feeling I usually get before a cold. Not happy about it.

Schmoop said...

Starr: I think it's a French cut porno version. Sorry to hear that. I feel like shit, and am gettin' ready to head into to work. Cheers Starr!!

Karen said...

Feel better, Matt. A nice day in bed should help.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

See now, when you put together a string of words like:

The kind of crap one might experience after a night of consuming Vienna Sausages, corned beef hash, jalapeno poppers, and cheap Tequila…

Served together in a bowl full of Dick Cheney’s man juices gleaned from his Vice-Presidential prick as he watched Apocalypse Now.


It scares the bejeebus out of me... One shot of man-tits on the way this evening...

Tiggerlane said...

Um...I have a cozy tit shot, but I sent it to another blogger...

Soup? I make a mean tortilla soup!

Hope you feel better soon...illness is always tougher when we get older.

You can Call me AL said...

You're sick as hell and you still want to see TITS!

Damn, You DA MATT-MAN......BITCH!!

Schmoop said...

Karen: I couldn't sleep but Schmoop picked up some good meds for tonight. Cheers!!

Bond: Even when ailing, I gotta be me. Cheers!!

Tigger: Dang...I'm always the bridesmaid. Tortilla Soup sounds yum-oh. Thanks and Cheers, Tigger!!

Schmoop said...

Evil: Thank ya. It's been awhile so I can't complain too much. Cheers to ya!!

Al: Ha...What can I say? I love tits. Cheers Al!!

Anndi said...

Would you like a sponge bath?

Feel better sweetie!

Travis Cody said...

Hang in there!

Lex Valentine said...

GAH! It was bad enough and then you had to add Cheney to the mix? You are evil when you're sick! Oh, don't mind the name thing. I'm experimenting with my pen name. I'm still Winter. ;)