![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM7jBmnNtrx5ZjE_7lTVPv7wbtjnJmsBjeMo9Kvghqls887T4UxiTNk4nOPJ0SL-yHkLfOLmoodf9Y0oWwB6bh3mgUESi25jBzTZ8w_pGmJrQcKSnTJ44_OVIhCI2SV3FIgWs1/s320/John%2520McCain.jpg)
I had plenty of time to think while I was lying around
My mind was bordering on boredom and delirium when I jotted down the following mentalisms.
(Yep, I just invented another new word.)
I was watching TV as John McCain and Sarah Palin worked the uber-conservative Southwest Ohio crowd in Lebanon, Ohio.
My thoughts were this…
I am probably sick because Johnny Mac and Sarah, Lame and Tall were just 42 miles south of the Bagwine digs.
And then, as the flag waving, adoption-only, mouth breathing crowd cheered while Old Man Mac beamed at her, it hit me…
Johnny Mac is an old, girly mama’s boy.
Sure, his 96 year old mom, Roberta-Mama, said just that in a video clip at the GOP convention, but it is confirmed by his life story. Follow me, now.
His mama raised him and he still uses her to deflect the age issue by telling voters he obviously has good genes that will allow him to live beyond the insurance actuarial charts.
But after becoming an adult, he needed a mama with whom he could have sex. In 1965 he married swimsuit model, Carol Shepp. They had a family. He went off to Vietnam.
He was shot down, captured and beaten up for five years. Carol was in a horrible car accident that crushed much of her body.
Upon his release, he was broken, as was his wife. Carol, being overweight and literally two inches shorter due to her injuries led Johnny Mac to ask, “Who will take care of me?”
Enter USC cheerleader, Cindy Lou Hensley…A lovely, nubile chick, whose father had money and political connections.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdlUddLtOhyphenhyphenCh_eDjM7vgCQ1Yow-LuM2nC9_hn-GrEhH2AsvLGlB1_TgCM6gLpUEFBSKrfR-uEsSppCylfD-pGrBjMnMQQsxWeRfsYvyQ2JX9XwgtpEqcU7Qo2wTw76uAt8dXL/s200/cindy-mccain-pic.jpg)
The Mac Man was eaten up, so to speak, by this babe who was 18 years younger than him. Johnny Mac divorced Carol. He and Cindy married, and had kids.
Relying on Roberta-Mama being married to an Admiral, and Cindy-Mama having money and daddy’s influence, a Congressman was born in 1982.
Or is that re-born to a new mama? I dunno.
Fast forward to 2008. McCain’s Cindy-Mama has helped him win the GOP nomination but the convention is fast approaching and his poll numbers aren’t so nifty.
Johnny Mac ponders upon his low numbers as he lies on his Posturepedic bed, curled in a fetal position, sucking his thumb, and peeing in his adult diaper.
And then in all of his infantilism…it comes to him. Through his cathartic, child-like cries he screams:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgF_OBbjz8xtmeq8n1nWyBQoBMWpz0Zw6aiJIveYkImQRhnutr0PVg6jnrmwtI6s2Y_ahht86HeczuSgM9x6WC0_EGbRVKL2S5KfEoODfU_ExRT7Rf7HRyvyn5vzO2lUhk3w1j/s200/palin5.jpg)
“Bring me Sarah-Mama!!”
And thus, Sarah, Lame and Tall, Governor of Alaska, is tapped to be his Vice-Presidential running-Mama…er mate.
Take care of little Johnny Mac, Sarah-Mama. He can’t do it on his own. He needs you to be his “special electoral needs mommy.”
John McCain…War hero? Eh, no more so than the millions of other Americans who have served.
John McCain…Maverick? Pffft. He is as old and unexciting as yesterday’s news.
John McCain…He is first and foremost a Mama’s Boy, and he is so looking forward to saying:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKqWJTRmxdTgi-ti0uml3neVlaxmyRY6MhRQHg5IXMHWacjV5zu_lgxje2rCMUHeIoMyFcQCNzRxC9M6LSSbiUlvaBOfMwBEQXUhlAnoBe2ajfN7rdBeISXPPUlur0qp_uT5qK/s200/norman_bates.jpg)
“Oh we have 15 vacancies. 15 cabinet positions. 15 vacancies.”
Just don’t cross this Mama’s boy or his mama, because as he would tell you, “A boy’s best friend is his mother.”
Cheers!!
41 comments:
And so now Johnny McNukem wants to nurse off America's teat.
He does seem to prefer younger beauty queens.
Hey wait. So do I. OMG I'm a republican!!! ;-)
That cold really did do something to your noodle, didn't it? Not that noodle Matt-Man!
Jeff: He's teat nurser from way back Jeff. Cheers!!
Jay: You're not a Republican because you prefer young, beauty queens that actually put out. Cheers!!
Dana: I'm right on the mark. Johnny is so "upset" that Obama "called" his Sarrh-Mama a pig. Cheers!!
LOVE this. You need to call CNN- you could be their next great star.
I'm voting for YOU.
I'm shocked and appalled at your references to Sarah, Plain and Tall. A simple heart, warming story that could only be put onto screen by Glenn Close and Christopher Walken.
Btw, after watching a completely natural labor in that movie I decided at the old age of 8 never to have children.
That was a very well thought out presentation today, you hit it right on the nose. I too watched Johnny dance around on stage giggling and feeling all excited that mommy was going to take care of everything.
That’s an interesting perspective that I can’t oppose.
Vodka Mom: I thank you for your support. Have a great day, Vodka. Cheers!!
Lady Jaye: Walken is Da Man. No kids, eh? Good for you. There nothing but trouble. Cheers!!
Micky: Ha. No kiddin'. The more I wrote, I started saying to myself, "Hey, there really is something to this." Cheers!!
Nick: If that is the case, I must have done quite well. Cheers Nick!!
I have bad thoughts, so I'll just say nice picture of Master Bates.
Lu: Aw, c'mon. Don't keep those bad thoughts to yourself. We all wanna hera them. Cheers Lu!!
...still, she's hot.....
Wow! Lu with bad thoughts that she won't share with Matt-Man.
Somethings wrong with this picture.
Phfrankie: Until she begins to speak. Cheers!!
Micky: I know!! What's up with that? Cheers Mick!!
Must make a person wonder just how bad they are ha ha ha.
Lu, are you trying to make him feel bad.....Ha Ha ha
Not gonna work!
Lu: Indeed it does. How bad are they? Cheers!!
Micky: Me? Who? Must...know...I be lost n'shit. Cheers!!
lol @ what Jeff said
HUGS!!
Leelee: Don't encourage him. He doesn't need it. Cheers!!
hehehehehhe/// Lame and Tall... I like that!
Cheesy: Ha. Thanks. I was amused by that. Cheers Cheesy!!
Hope you're feeling better - the cold certainly doesn't cramp your style!!
I had a sudden image of Johnnie and Lame and Tall and Botox Barbie Cindy in a 3-way. Sarah of course was wearing the biggest dick.
That's two Psycho references in one week. I'm just waiting for you to appear in the wig.
Knight: If you lived near me you would have already seen me in one. Our Psycho comment exchange actually kinda initiated this post. Thanks!! Cheers!!
Aw, c'mon, Matty. One can never have too many Barbies. Johnny Mac NEEDED Caribou Barbie to add to his Botox Barbie and Mama Barbie collection. Besides, he's counting on Caribou Barbie to be anatomically correct.
Songbird: He may have to change his name to KEN McCain!! Cheers Dear!!
Screw Barbie, McCain must have already sent one of his go-fers to order at least one of each of the Palin Action figures.
Barbie is sooo yesterday!
Micky: Ha. I would have a funny retort towards your action figure comment, but I have post forthcoming on just that subject. Cheers!!
OMFG...I need that last part. PERFECT!
Although I'd vote Bates into office before Palin.
behind every man....
none of you can do anything without us.... smile.
Starr: Ha. My name is Norman Bates...I'm just a normal guy... Cheers!!
Kat: My left hand begs to differ. ; ) Cheers Kat!!
Sounds like you're feeling better today.. Don't you think all guys prefer young and beautiful no matter what their political preferences are? Some have the sense to control their urges better than others.
Michelle: Eh, I feel fair. I don't prefer young and beautiful. Beautiful is always a plus, but young? Not so much. Cheers Michelle?
I spewed my tea reading Dianne's comment!
He just wants her cause she's lactating...
Anndi: You dirty tea spewer you. At least there's milk for your tea if you are so inclined. Cheers!!
That made me throw up a little in my mouth...
Anndi: A thousand pardons. Cheers!!
Lex: What's up witht he new moniker? I like it. One thing for certain about McCain...He's an asshole. Cheers!!
I hope you're feeling better soon.
Post a Comment