Wow…It’s October folks!!Where did the year go?
Ha. Isn’t this about the time every year that people begin asking that annoying question?
I always feel compelled to reply to that question with the following answer:
I don’t know, maybe it went right up your ass, moron.
I know…I should calm myself. Anyhoo…October is a month full of Holidays and incredibly important observances.
In fact, today is the 55th B-Day for my brother Vince, and the 24th marks the 14th Birthday, of Ryno, my sweet, sarcastic son.
Of course, there is Halloween.
I think this year, Schmoop is going to wear a High School Cheerleader’s outfit with her stomach stuffed with a pillow, while I will have on a wig, breast implants, and a lobotomy scar.
Happy Halloween all, it’s Bristol and Sarah Palin!!
Columbus Day will be observed on Monday, October 13th this year…
A day when we honor Christopher Columbus for discovering an existing civilization that was fully aware of their own existence.
To honor this achievement, I will, on the night of the 12th, give myself the clap, and eat a meal of red beans and rice.
When I awake on the 13th , I will wipe away my Morning Drip with a map of the Dominican Republic, and wipe my ass clean of the red beans and rice with a map of Haiti. Very moving, no?
There are some other less well-known, but actual observances taking place this month as well.
If you love to read books about Tuberculosis, Beriberi, or Syphilis, give thanks because it is National Medical Librarians Month.
If you have ever hooked up jumper cables to your car and ended up with a face full of Elephant-Man inducing acid, it means you have probably never observed, Auto Battery Safety Month!!
John McCain is probably on cloud nine for next thirty-one days because October is also, Dinosaur Month.
I plan on getting together with today's Birthday Girl, Real Live Lesbian soon, and doing something sexually with her that will stand the test of time, in honor of Lesbian, Gay, and Bi-Sexual History Month!!
In addition to that excitement, I am on top of the world. Why? October is also, Sarcasm Awareness Month. Why in the Hell was I born in February!?
October, as many of you know, is Breast Cancer Awareness Month…
If you haven’t bothered ladies, get them boobies checked out. We need ya here, and healthy.
Lastly, I want to thank you all for the kind words yesterday in reference to my asking and Schmoop’s acceptance, of my marriage proposal.
You guys rock. If you’d like, swing by Schmoop’s place by clicking HERE and say congrats to her as well.
I’ll have your October Bagwine Whore-O-Scope ready for you all tomorrow.
Until then…
Cheers!!
57 comments:
I do 'get you' by the way and some times it is funny - by the by...but thats jsut me.
Hey now ... I think I am a far better candidate for working with RLL to create a little Lesbian, Gay, and Bi-Sexual History *wink*
Oh if you were ever the poster child for anything, Sarcasm Awareness Month, this would be it :)
Doggy: Wow. You Okay? Cheers!!
Dana: See? You just considered it "work"...How gauche, I would consider it a pleasure. Cheers Sexy!!
Lu: Thanks. I was so happy to see that it was an actual observance. Cheers Lu!!
Wowie Zowie! I actually got up this morning and the first thing in my mind was get under the hood and check my battery. That's some powerful awareness right there I'll tell ya.
Happy birthday to your bro!
It's also my birthday month, btw... just in case you wanted to give me a birthday smooch or something...
I am happy to say my Honey will give my boobies a thorough check this weekend.
Seriously, I had a scare quite a few years ago and since there's been breast cancer in my family I check the boobies a lot.
Micky: Good Man. I'd hate to see you become another auto battery victim. Cheers!!
Anndi: Well I hope you enjoy both your B-Day and your boobie groping. Cheers Anndi!!
Why in the Hell were you born in February!?
So you could have 8 months to work on your schtick!
Cheesy: Ahhhhh. You never fail to find the answers to Life's mysteries. You are wise. Cheers Cheesy!!
I'm kinda pumped about dinosaur month. But I'm just a total dork like that. And I for one will be feeling my boobies a great deal this month. Not necessarily because of breast cancer but I just kinda like touching them. Anyway so glad to see that Schmoop accepted! I stalked you all day til she finally answered!
She said Yes! Yay!!! I'm so happy for you both. I'm blocking the entire month of June off for the pre-wedding, wedding, and post-wedding festivities. Wait...might this run into July?
Lady Jaye: I love it when you stalk me. Purrrrrrr. I have always been fascinated with dinosaurs. If I had boobs I would play with them all day, every day. Cheers LJ!!
Apple: As my life is a perpetual party, you can stop by and have fun with us anytime of the year. Cheers!!
pssssssssst dude...TurnBaby was on LAST NIGHT!
Guess the prenuptial celebration rattled your brain!
Bond: Ha...I was thinking today was Tuesday. Thanks for the update. Man, I need to drink more. Cheers Vinny!!
What Vinny said;-)
And I was going to mention the lovely Anndi's birthday as well(it's Friday) and I am still SQUEEEE over yesterday. I even mentioned it on the show last night.
Smooch
TB: Ah Friday, eh? Well thanks, I'll listen to the archives while masturbating of course. Sorry to have pimped you a day late. Cheers TB!!
Congrats to you and your brother.
You are one blogger who knows his imperialist history.
(My) Che caps off to you!
The reason you were born when you were and not in October is because God knew you needed to be an Aquarius. Right? Right.
So, go grope Schmoop and make sure her tata's check out okay.
OOOO....If you and Schmoop are doing Sarah and Bristol maybe I can get me a paste on cro-magnon brow piece, a plaid shirt and a some manly wrinkles ala the Marlboro Man and be Hubby Todd!
BTW Matt, you, me and Desert must hide our heads in shame. Sarah is an aquarian. Suddenly The Gipper is looking better =(
Caribou Barbie may have been born in the requisite time frame to be called an Aquarian, but has she earned the title "Aquarian?" I think not. Decidedly NOT.
In agreement with you there, Desert. Caribou Barbie is good one. I, personally, like Tundra Twat as well.
Prefers: I am a HUGE History buff. And thank you very much. Cheers Meg!!
Songbird: I do make a decent Aquarinan. And Schmoop's boobs, I always check those out with my mouth. Cheers!!
Starr: I know. Her, the Gipper...I hate it so that Aquarian taint. Cheers!!
Are you going to give yourself the clap by having unprotected sex with your Paris Hilton blow up doll?
It's looking like a busy month. I better rest up.
And, don't forget that this week is Sarah Palin Memorial Banned Book Week! So get out there and ban some books in honor of Sarah!
Songbird: He may actually be the Anti-Aquarian. Cheers!!
Starr: Tundra Twat? I like that. Her and her daughter: Tundra Twat and Eski-Ho. Cheers!!
Jay: In keeping with Columbus Day I thought I'd get the clap from three hookers named Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria.
Rest up Jay, and I'll get the firewood for the book burning. Cheers!!
Every month is Dinosaur Month for me. I hate being surprised by those pesky velocoraptors so I am always on the lookout!
Metal: Those sunzabitches are lurking around every corner. I am glad that winter is coming. They move much more slowly in cold weather. Cheers!!
October is a big month in my family too. My 2 best friends, Dad, Mom and Grandpa all have birthdays.
Congrats again on the engagement. I am going to head over to Schmoop's and advise her on a getting a pre-numpt. ;)
Wow... I wonder if there's some way we could honor all those things in one act.
I know! We'll just read your blog all month long. That'll work for most of them.
Karen: Wow. Call Fire Marshal Bill...That's alot of candles. Yes, she's needs a pre-nup in order to protect her vast assests. Cheers!!
Marilyn: I'll make sure to celebrate some of these things. Have a Happy October. Cheers!!
You'd better hurry if we're going to do this without you being in troubles with the little missus! ;)
I'll bring the dinosaurs and the hookers! Should be fun. We'll touch the boobies for good measure!
RLL: No worries, we can get her to participate and/or record it. She's cool like that. Cheers and Happy Birthday, Lynn!!
Evil: I don't want to get rid of my drip. It's a conversation piece. And roll on, with your sarcasm; I love it. Cheers and Thanks, EG!!
Michael: I saw that you were just here. I'll get with ya later tonight. Cheers!!
Thanks babe! I will. :)
Wow matt-man, our kids were born only one day apart. My daughter turns 14 on the 25th. I know what you were doing back in January 1994! ha ha ha
Anndi: See that you do. Cheers!!
VE: Ha. Y'know. Thanks but you just creeped me out. Cheers VE!!
I was gonna send RLL a pic of my near-perfect breasts, but I didn't figure her girlfriend would appreciate it...
And yeah, the only thing more annoying than "where did the year go" is all those people counting down to Christmas. Bleh.
Tigger: Well, you could have sent it to me instead. I am sure I would have liked that. Cheers Tigger!!
...I'm pretty sure this is also Bronko Nagurski Appreciation Month....
Phfrankie: In my world, every month is Bronko Nagurski Month. Cheers!!
It's only the 1st and I'm already exhausted by all the festivities!
I've been drinking since 12:01
I would like to go just one day without being aware of breast cancer.
Amen Sister
Or any Cancer for that matters...
wednesdays are the days I go to chemo with my mama...and I typically in a bit of a mood...rolling my eyes.
on another note:
harmony and understanding
sympathy and trust abounding
no more falsehoods or derisions
golden living dreams of visions
mystic crystal revelation
and the mind's true liberation….
It is suppose to be OUR age afterall…
Something tells me that of all the songs on Hair, Matt would find Sodomy the most humorous.
"Masturbation can be fun" indeed ;)
laughing....oh yeah star...
join the holy orgy
kama sutra everyone!!
What about the Masochism Tango? "I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear". Ok I'm done..
I got kicked out of Girl Scouts for singing Sodomy. The popular beyotches had just annoyed me beyond all measure. Like the second Addams Family movie where Wednesday has to go to camp. That was me. Apparently that didn't count as a campfire sing-a-long ;0
At age 7 my record collection consisted of Hair The Soundtrack, Moody Blues Days of Future Past and The Mary Poppins soundtrack. That explains one hell of a lot about me.
NOW I know what to get the happy couple for an engagement gift!
yeah star...that explains everything!
smile
tonight while checking hubby's allergic "reaction" I'll have him give me my mammogram.
congrats again, you romantic fool you.
xoxox
Dianne: I just plan on drinking all month...kinda like the other eleven. Cheers Di!!
Vodka: Why thank ya. Would pictures be out of the question? Cheers VM!!
Kat/Starr/Schmoop: You guys are full of such lyrical and harmonious conversation. Fascinating. Cheers!!
Beats being full of shit ;)
Every day is a special day for me :) how do they come up with all of these? Is it national Michelle day yet? OH! That is in March!
Starr: Ha. Very Good. Double Cheers on that one!!
Michelle: Who knows? But I can't wait until March. Cheers!!
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