Saturday, November 01, 2008

Saturdays With Sarah: Propositionin'

Three days folks…

A mere 72 hours until the votes are cast as is the die.

Who will win? Will Joe Biden be our next Vice-President? Or will that position be held by Sarah “Lame and Tall” Palin?

As a veteran of many a political campaign I never predict.

Too many unknowns that we know about and many that we don’t know about, can affect the outcome in way that is unknown to us even if we should have known that the aforementioned unknowns were a possibility.

Sorry. It’s Halloween night as I type this, and I think I was channeling Donald Rumsfeld.

I was going to ask Joe Biden a few questions for today’s entry, but I really didn’t want to end up with a 25,000 word post.

So, Sarah and I sat down and chewed the caribou fat for a few minutes. What follows are my questions and her answers.

Gov. Palin…Thanks for coming by the Bagwine digs, and Happy Halloween.

Thanks, Matt the Man. Get it? You’re Matt THE Man, like Joe, is Joe THE Plumber. Or like Marian, is Marian THE Librarian…or… lik-

Okay, stop…please. Um, Governor, tomorrow at 2 A.M. we will be setting our clocks back an hour. How do you feel about this?

As you know, I can see Russia from my front porch. Someday, they may want to invade us. Or maybe, sneak into our waters and steal some of our crabs.

Turnin’ our clocks back an hour gives us an extra 60 minutes to deploy our um…you know, our whatever and catch ‘em.

Former Reagan Chief of Staff, Ken Duberstein said on Friday that McCain has undermined his campaign by choosing you as his VP after one interview.

He went on to say that even at McDonald’s people have three interviews before they are hired. Because of you, he is supporting Obama. How do you respond?

I don’t know who this Ken THE Chief of Staff guy is, but sounds to me like he pals around with terrorists. Listen, I will be a voice for job creation, lower taxes, and um…job creation.

And let me say to Mr. Ken, with my experience as a mayor and Governor of Alaska, I could not only get that job at McDonald’s. I could be a manager.

That would make you, Sarah THE McDonald’s Manager!!

Hahahahaha…You Betcha!!

One last thing…What will you do if you and Johnny Mac lose on Tuesday?

Well, I’ll still be Governor of Alaska. With that comes the opportunity to choose myself as Sen. Ted Stevens replacement should he win reelection to the U.S. Senate and then resign due to his felonies.

Or, I may write a book. Maybe write a coloring book. I’d like that. Then again, maybe I’d dump Todd, and have hot bi-partisan sex with you, Matt THE Man…wink wink.

Really? Hmmmmm? Could I be on bottom?

You Betcha!! That would make me Sarah THE Cowgirl. Giddy Up, Matt THE Man!!

She is simply fascinating.

Don’t forget to turn your clocks back before you go to bed tonight.



Winter said...

Lola is totally cracking me up! Great work, Matt! Happy Halloween!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Just think, if the McCain-Palin ticket wins on Tuesday, you probably, considering Johnny Mac’s age and physical condition, have interviewed the first female President of the United States.

Vodka Mom said...

omg that was funny! The drawing was hilarious. I am getting just a tad nervous about tues.

Matt-Man said...

Winter: Lola Rocks. Have a lovely Saturday. Cheers!!

Nick: Ha. Very good point. I am always on the cutting edge Nick. Cheers!!

Vodka: Thanks and I hear ya. I worry about Obama voters staying home because they think the election is in the bag. It's far from it. Cheers!!

Dianne said...

I love the whole know what is and isn't known paragraph


And of course Sarah wants you on the bottom, she's the top of the ticket. Doncha ya know. Betcha. Wink-Wink.

Cheesy said...

Gawg I wubba Lola... is she blonde?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Great post. I'm envious of Lola's boobs--they're so round and firm.

And high.

Jay said...

Lola's boobs are soooooo fake.

Great interview with the next Vice President of the United States.

You okay Matt-Man?

Something I said? haha

Starrlight said...

I've been worried since this whole thing started and I won't be unworried until it is over. When I will get to adopt a NEW kind of worry. Either the "Please Baby Jebus don't let Johnny Mac die" kind of worry or the "Please Baby Jebus don't let some neo nazi racist piece of Hooting shit kill Obama" kind of worry.

Lola is a wise woman ;)

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...didja hear the one about the two Russians looking toward Alaska and the one Ruskie says: "Can't see Palin's house from here...but I CAN see Ted Stevens' front porch."....well, didja?

Matt-Man said...

Fantasy: They are pretty damn perky, aren't they? Cheers Meg!!

Jay: You take a shot at Lola and then give a shout out to Palin...Are you on crack? Cheers!!

Starr: I understand your concerns. And they are not things that have not crossed mind. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. I hadn't heard that one. I thank you for it. Cheers P-Man!!

Matt-Man said...

Cheesy: Sorry to omit you. Lola? She's not a blonde...She's a redhead. ; ) Cheers!!

Jeff B said...

You area a freak of nature Matt THE Man. It's quite an enduring quality actually!

The Teamster said...

i've voted by there a magic room i can go into until tuesday to get away from all the commercials, debates, talk shows, and propaganda?

it's all meaningless information to me at this point..

and i agree 100% with don't want to be late for a period..period...

Another Desert Rat said...

I watched Bill Maher interview Michael Moore and the "last two Republicans in Northern Michigan" last night: I'm cautiously optimistic.

Like Teamster, though, having already voted by mail, I'd like to find a quiet magical place in which to hide until Tuesday

PS - In Arizona (The "Maverick State"), we don't change our clocks! Bwahahahaha!

Evil Genius said...

Every time I see Sarah Palin I just want to say, "Awwww...." and pat her on the head. Or maybe say, "Sarah, you ignorant slut."

But that's probably just me.

Lu' said...

Lola should have thought of that and put the ol' twig and berries in a bag before...

katherine. said...

I actually enjoy going to the polling place and casting my vote...

for all of the disagreement...I don't want to overlook how fortunate we are to live in a land of free election...and freedom to say what we think and how we feel...and not have the boots kicking down our door.

Desert Songbird said...

I've been ill in bed, but I thought I'd check in. Forgot it was your regular Caribou Barbie Ho feature; I think I'll crawl back into bed.

Marilyn said...

She looks just as goofy winking as I thought she would. I hope we have time for one last scandal before the poles open.