Saturdays With Sarah: She's a Brick Igloo

I had a dream last night. It was a bit disturbing.

I dreamt that I was half-drunk, fully naked, and in bed with Sarah “Lame and Tall” Palin.

Her hair was down, and as she lay over me, gazing down upon me, her silky tresses caressed my face.

She smiled at me as her sharp, painted finger nails ran up and down my cheek.

My Bagwine soaked shaft was becoming engorged with fluids and an unnatural lust for the right-wing Eski-Ho.

Her pillow talk about abuse of power, Russians on her front porch, and applying moose piss to her body to attract the giant beasts when hunting was making me hot.

My mind screamed, “Matt-Man, don’t do it…She’s an idiot…A moron…A Republican!!”

But my friends, it was too late. My mental faculties had been numbed by the crazy, koo-koo, Arctic aphrodisiac that she exuded.

I wanted her. I had to have Sarah.

I said to her that we should get it on, and asked her to lay on her back. She smiled and said, “No, Matt-Man.”

As I began to plead with her, she put her finger to my lips, and whispered, “Shhhhhhh.”

She positioned her body on all fours upon the bed.

Completely naked except for her thigh-high mukluks and her Aleutian ass facing me, she looked back at me and said, “I wanna do it sled doggy style, Matt-Man.”

I said, “Wow. You are a maverick.” She winked and replied, “You betcha.”

Just then, somewhere, somebody, cued up the song, Barracuda.

As it blasted through the room, I was humping the aft of the Good Ship Sarah with the fury of a harpoon going through a huge, wet, whale.

She moaned, but that was not all that I heard. I could hear another voice.

It was an innocuous voice shouting out commands. Commands such as…

Hips to the left, Sarah!!…Moan now, Sarah!!…Tell him he’s all that, Sarah!!...Scream, Dear God I’m cumming, Sarah!!

To which she screamed, “Dear God, I’m coming Sarah!!”

I realized then, that something nefarious was afoot.

I withdrew the Matt-Meat from her melting tundra, turned, and I saw, standing in the corner…

Rick Davis, John McCain’s campaign manager.

Davis had been scripting and handling Palin’s every erotic move.

Even in bed, Palin is not to be trusted to perform on her own. Even in my dreams, she is still a moron.

I’m working ALL FRICKING day today, but I hope that you all enjoy your Saturday.

Until the ‘morrow…

Cheers!!