Monday, November 03, 2008

Election Day Minus One: Decisions, Decisions...

One day left…

In less than 24 hours, polls will be opening up across the country.

From the Atlantic to the Pacific…from Albany to Zanesville.


Americans will make a choice between Barack “I Had Tons of Cash To Spend On this Election” Obama and John “I Sure the Fuck Wish I Had the Money That Obama Had” McCain.

I, of course, will be casting my vote bright and early tomorrow at 6:30 A.M., (Okay, it will be dark and early, but you know what I mean.) and I will be voting for Obama/Biden.

I did not come to my choice lightly. I like many of you, have based my vote on differences in economic, foreign, energy, and other policy stances. I also studied the character and personality factors of the two.

I kept coming back to Obama every time except for one issue…

The Comedy Issue.

If Johnny Mac pulls this election out, while upset at the prospect of him and Sarah “Lame and Tall” Palin seizing the Executive powers...


The antics of those two would dump a shit load of comedic gold smack dab in the middle of my lap.

Obama…not funny. Johnny Mac…funny. Biden…Can be amusing. Palin…Can’t be anything BUT amusing.

Trust me folks, with all of the upside I saw in Obama, I struggled mightily over letting my vote rest on four years of McCain/Palin punch lines, amusing vignettes, and downright Oval Office hilarity.

How could I not? I can hear McCain calling Speaker Pelosi, much like he did to his wife Cindy, a cunt.

Madcap humor will ensue if God forbid, a Vice-President Palin were to become fat and disfigured due to an accident.


Much like he did in the same circumstances with his first wife, Prez Mac would have her resign quicker than the sex life of a fruit fly.

I could write about when he hosts somebody like, Chancellor Merkel of Germany and the State dinner takes place at 4 in the afternoon, and consists of minute steak, creamed corn, and tapioca.

Oh Johnny, watching your attempt to raise your arm to take the oath of office would be a frickin’ hoot. And Sarah? Oh holy baby Jeebus, Sarah…a virtual laugh factory.

I can picture her getting sent to Morocco to attend the funeral of Prime Minister Driss Jettou, and saying…

“On behalf of the United States of America, I want to say Godspeed to Driss THE Prime Minister. Driss Six-Teabag, God loves ya and so do I.”

I can also imagine her using her role as “being in charge of the Senate” to strong-arm Senators into naming her Chairwoman of the Homecoming Committee.

I swear folks, this kind of comedic enticement was hard to disassociate from my candidate selection process.

I think I have made the right choice in Obama, in spite of the allure of the jokes that could be had. Oh there was one other enticement to vote for McCain that I had to fight off as well…

Meghan McCain…



Wow, are those some nice fun bags or what? You Betcha!! Purrrrrrrrrrrr.

Cheers!!

NOTE: I won a contest over at funny man, VE’s site. My reward? He had to do anything that I asked of him. I asked him to take me out for dinner and dancing in Seoul, South Korea. He is posting about our night out today. It will be posted at 10 A.M. EST/7 A.M. PST.

Please stop by VE’s Fantastical Nonsense today, because knowing him, the story will be funnier than hell.

38 comments:

Desert Songbird said...

How in the hell did Johnny Mac get the sperm power to create that wench with the ginormous ta-tas?

Schmoop said...

Songbird: Perhaps Cindy's implants and plastic surgery operations rubbed off on her. Cheers!!

Christo Gonzales said...

Do democrats NOT get the e mails...I have been sending talking points till the cows already came home....I was/is one of those 'independents' but I decided months ago...OHIO needs to kick FLORIDAS butt and get everyone in line.

katherine. said...

new sunglasses....you three need to get some new sunglasses....

katherine. said...

they are starting to remind me of doggy bloggy's....

Jay said...

I noticed that none of the cigarettes in any of your pics are lit. I'm starting to think that you have only one cig and have been using it as a prop for like 5 years now.

I have no doubt that the WIR is actually being drunk though.

Schmoop said...

Doggy: Ohians will vote en measse buy for whom that is a different question. Funny lot here in Ohi-uh. Cheers!!

Kat: Ha. I cannot get new sunglasses. My son gave these to me so I will wear them until they break beyond repair. Cheers Kat!!

Jay: Oh how I wish that were true. If I could rid myself of any of my vices, smoking would be Number 1. Cheers!!

Vodka Mom said...

I am completely distracted now....oh yeah- I'm with you Matt!!!! Also, if you want to see a great, great video, check out Write On Yo's site:

http://writeonyo.typepad.com/


it's fantastic!!!! I'm not kidding.

Schmoop said...

Vodka: I'll be sure to check it out. Thanks for the tip. Cheers VM!!

Dana said...

Someone needs to call Pelosi a cunt! Oops? Did I say that out loud??

Schmoop said...

Dana: Au Contraire...Pelosi is one hot, GILF. Cheers!!

Lu' said...

Looking at that picture of Sarah, the first thing that comes to mind is barnyard foul. I will be voting tomorrow too. I wonder if there is a list of all write in candidates that people chose? How will it feel to see your name on that list :)

Schmoop said...

Lu: Oh if only my candidacy had come to fruition. I would have garnered literally tens of thous--okay maybe ten votes. Have fun at the polls tomorrow. Cheers Lu!!

Dianne said...

thankfully late night talk show hosts are not a large voting block - they'd have to go for McCain/Palin just for the comedy factor you point out.

Schmoop said...

Dianne: I am sure they would rather have Palin/McCain around. Johnny Mac was pretty damn funny on SNL. Cheers!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...you said Nancy Pelosi....mmmmmm.....

Schmoop said...

Phfrankie: Mmmmmmmmm. Nancy. One thing though, she needs to refrain from any further face lifts. One more, and she will go from being a GILF to a Freak. Cheers P-Man!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Yup Mac Man was funny on SNL. Cindy The Grinch was funny too. Sorry, she totally looks like Cindy Lou Who and The Grinche's bastard love child.

Schmoop said...

Starr: Yes she does, and yes, she did her part to perfection. Cheers Starr!!

Anonymous said...

Enjoy your new Messiah, asswipes.

Kick back, enjoy your ill gotten fruits, because soon you freeloading Marxists will be back in the unemployment like(which is what you are used to)always.

Brush off those ACORN Knee Pads and serve Master(baiter) Barry, for how long that lasts.

Cheers indeed!

Schmoop said...

Hoot: Damn, boy. I am impressed that such an event brings out such a breadth and depth of political discourse in you.

As a (ahem) holder of a degree in Political Science, you are certainly showing it. Hell's fire man, when are you going to pen your Nobel Peace Prize winning Hoot Doctrine!?

I can't believe that you don't think McCain can still win this thing. (Which he can.) Such a sunshine patriot you are.

Oh one other thing...

You my good man, are a complete and utter dickhead. Now, if O-Man does win, take your jacks, go home, and ask Mommy to make you your favorite meal. It may comfort you.

Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Bond: Ha. Ol' Hoot probably copied and pasted his comment from the Book of Revelation"S". What a dolt. Cheers Vinny!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

What a fucking moron. I am not now nor have I ever in my entire Democratic Party membership EVER been unemployed. Shoots to shit that proposition.

Schmoop said...

Starr: Hey Starr, I simply must jump your shit for once.

Don't be attacking Hoot. Whether intentional or not, Hoot's a comedic genius. ; )~ Cheers Bay-Bay!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

I see your point. Although if I look at it in terms of comedy then I feel slightly bad. Like I am laughing at a shortbus kid, ya know?

Schmoop said...

Starr: Well I can see that. Hoot is a "special" kinda guy. Cheers!!

Ed & Jeanne said...

Oh matt-man...how can I not be tempted at that first comment by desert songbird:

"How in the hell did Johnny Mac get the sperm power to create that wench with the ginormous ta-tas?"

He had many years experience living in a hole!!!! ha ha ha

Oh and I think Schmoop will have some interesting questions of you about Seoul now.... ha ha ha

Schmoop said...

VE: You're right. Instead of looking at Ayers and Jeremiah Wright, let's look into Meghan's Titty-Gate issue.

As for Schmoop? She has nothing to worry about. My love for the Korean girls was strictly platonic.

Schmoop? Seriously. No really, don't listen to VE's innuendo. Thanks for the great post VE. Cheers!!

Beth said...

Mmmm Hmmm....

Schmoop said...

Schmoop: Can you really believe a guy that calls himself, VE? I only have eyes for you. No, really. Cheers!!

Dianne said...

well I have to back-up what Starr said - this asswipe has never been unemployed and has often held more than 1 job.

and 'Master Barry'!!!!

how fucking hilarious - they can't even bring themselves to type the name

Schmoop said...

Dianne: In a way he reminds me of Setti in the Ten Commandments...

Obama's name shall be removed from every recors, obelisk, blah, blah, blah. What a freak. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Mimi: I will pimp it, but as for my site, I have a surprise for you. Cheers Mimi!!

Schmoop said...

Giggle: Ha. He'd have to catch me first. Love the name, and thanks for stopping by. Cheers Pixie!!

Travis Cody said...

You've demonstrated time and again that your wit is tremendous. I have every confidence that you'll adjust, just like the folks from SNL.

Satire shall live on past Nov 4!

Deb said...

OK. After seeing Meghan McCain, I lost all train of thought........................................


~^~^~^----------------------

Schmoop said...

Travis: Thanks, and I guess you're right. Cheers Trav!!

Deb: Ooooo Baby, isn't she kinda hot? Have fun voting tomorrow if you haven't already done so. Cheers Sexy!!

Sparky Duck said...

7am baby

question, what do I purchase to either celebrate or drown my sorrows tomorrow?

Schmoop said...

Sparky: Win or Lose...Wild Irish Rose, Baby!! Cheers Sparky!!