Can you believe it?In less than three weeks, the holiday season will begin once again.
First Thanksgiving, followed less than four weeks later by the birthday of the Holy Baby Jeebus, and nestled ‘tween the two, the celebration of Hanukkah for the followers of those who killed the Holy Baby Jeebus.
Ironic, no?
This year is a bit interesting because Hanukkah begins at sunset on December 21st. Thusly, its eight day run will overlap Christmas.
Hmmmmm. Christians and Jews whoopin’ it up at the same time? Can this be good? And exactly how can one incorporate the two?
I have a couple of ideas.
Instead of hanging mistletoe, I thought of hanging a bouquet of bitter herbs in the doorway.
And instead of kissing the person one may meet ‘neath it, the two can kvetch about their bursitis, how their kids just don’t call anymore, and that Palm Beach just isn’t what it used to be.
I really like the song Ave Maria, but this year I’ll be singing Oy Vay Maria. I will make my dozens of Christmas toasts using Manischewitz instead of Wild Irish Rose.
Jewish Bagwine at its best, Bitches!! Or should I say…Jewish Bagwine at its best, Chalerias!!
I will still put out a bowl of Egg Nog, but the edibles at my Christmas soiree’ will consist of not only a ham, but a make-your-own knish table as well.
I really like the song Ave Maria, but this year I’ll be singing Oy Vay Maria. I will make my dozens of Christmas toasts using Manischewitz instead of Wild Irish Rose.
Jewish Bagwine at its best, Bitches!! Or should I say…Jewish Bagwine at its best, Chalerias!!
I will still put out a bowl of Egg Nog, but the edibles at my Christmas soiree’ will consist of not only a ham, but a make-your-own knish table as well.
And you know what I will call it don’t ya? That’s right, the Crucifixin’s Bar!! Ha, a timeless Bagwine classic.
Living in an apartment building, I don’t have a chimney, but if I did, instead of an inflatable Santa on top if it, I would place an inflatable Moses holding two large fruitcakes atop the roof.
Mo, Mo, Mo, Merry Hanukkah, kiddies!! I tell ya, this has possibilities. The Christmas lights around my living room window? This year they will be blue and white.
I guess I should come up with a name for this combination celebration.
Hanukkristmas? Christmakkah? How about, Three Wise Men and a Jew
Day? I’ll get back with ya on that. Feel free to offer suggestions.Oh, one other new tradition…
On Christmas morning, instead of hosing Schmoop beneath the Christmas tree, I’m gonna stick my schmeckel in her hoo-ha next to a warm and glowing menorah.
But, keeping with the Christmas feel, the candles will be pine scented.
Have a great Saturday all.
Cheers!
30 comments:
Schmeckel ... I've always liked that word!
D
Dana: I bet you have. You get hot when a guy talks to you in Yiddish, don't ya? Cheers!!
schmeckel and hoo-kah...
Instead of Kris Kringel you could call him Kris Kugel.
Lu: Ha. Indeed we could. Enjoy your new hair cut, Lu. Cheers!!
Didn't George's father come up with the festivus thing? I kind of liked THAT idea!!!
you crack me up.
Vodka: Ha. Yes he did and that is one of my fave episodes. And now, if you'll excuse me, I am off to make a donation in your name to The Human Fund. Cheers!!
Why do I feel like I've just purchased a first-class ticket to hell when I laugh at this kind of stuff? LOL Totally great stuff. Cheers baby!
Lady Jaye: Ha. I don't think that you're alone in that feeling, myself included. Cheers Hot Stuff!!
Its coming too soon for me!! I love the holidays spirit. The Baking, the friends and family gatherings! The food! I hate the shopping though.. Can we just skip that part?
Michelle: I love the Holidays as well. I don't mind shopping. Having six brothers and sisters and several nieces and nephews, I just give them a Christmas Card along with scratch off Lottery tickets. Cheers Michelle!!
Fornication by candle light... Just as it should be!!
:o)
A wasted mind is a terrible thing. Oh wait...
I see you've decided to launch the first scud missile in this year's War on Christmas. Bill O'Reilly should probably be notified so he can gather his troops to defend Jeebus Day.
Cheesy: I think I'll follow the Hanukkah lead on that and do it for eight days straight. Cheers!!
Songbird: What excatly are you implying Mizz Thang? Cheers Dear!!
Giggle: I do so love a schtickle of cream cheese on a bagel. Cheers GP!!
Jay: Oh Boy you are right on. I have many things to post on here about the ongoing War on Christmas. Cheers Jay!!
FOR SHAME! It's Christmahanukwaniza! All that Hoot Shat is wearing off on you ;0
Jesus was a Jew so I think he might really appreciate the bi-partisan spirit of you celebrations. And knish. MMMMMMMMMM.
Starr: I don't recognize Kwaanza. I mean, African-Americans already have the entire month of February cornered for their History. Why give them an additional week at the end of each year?
Give em an inch and they take a mile. Cheers!!
Instead of hanging stocking we could hang Mel Gibson...
VE: Ha...I like it. Alot. Cheers VE!!
Remember when Mel used to be hot? I mean prior to the whole lethal weapon Nic Cagesque long hair debacle. Or that last Road Warrior movie with Tina Turner.
Now he is a drunk Britney diddling (you all KNOW you think that was the reason for his "helping" her) christian freak.
You know, I've never really understood why Christians don't celebrate all the Jewish Holidays anyway - I mean, it's the same god right? One set are fans of the man's earlier work, the other set prefers his later career. Kinda like Metallica fans.
Starr: I wanna party with Mel, and share my Lenten posts with him. I think he'd like them...or not. Cheers!!
Boo: Ha. That was a very good analogy. Can I borrow that? Cheers!!
I don't mind in the least if you use my analogy - but watch out for Lars. It's a toss up - he'll either bill you for royalties or kiss you.
Boo: True enough...Lars is a major league asshole. He has to be, in order to keep up with the size of his ego. Cheers!!
Lars. Danish Dill-Hole extraordinaire. No... felch monkey. I have never been more embarrassed for a group of people than I was watching "Some Kind Of Midol, The Metallica Sand In The Pussy Sessions."
Lenten made me think of the Def Leppard opener bar none, "Unta Gleeben Glouten Globen" stuck in my head.
Thanks.
No really.
Starr: I'm glad that I could put that into your head. Ugh, Lars. What a jerk. Cheers!!
I taught my brothers to sing Oy Vey Maria!! It was so early in my career as a heathen, left wing whore that I can't remember the words.
BUT - I do remember Sister Mary Mary Quite Contrary hearing us whispering and giggling. She went to smack me and I ducked and said "better watch that hand bitch"
to this day it is one of the first stories told at Christmas gatherings - sets the tone ...
Dianne: HA. I like that tone. Can I come visit at Christmas? Cheers Di!!
LOL...OY VAY Maria...LOL!!!
hugs!
Leelee: Ha. Thanks cutie. Cheers!!
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