I thought I was going to have to work on Thanksgiving. Well, it seems now that I will not have to.
So, the ol’ Matt-Man gets to cook a Thanksgiving dinner.
Now, I used to cook an entire bird. And I can say, it was always the juiciest bird around. However…
With it being just Schmoop and I, there was always way too much left over.
So, I asked her if she would pick up a small turkey breast, and I would cook it in Samantha the Crockpot.
She picked up a “small” turkey breast. And here it is…
Yep, that juicy, delicious, mound of white meat turkey boobage weighs in at 6.56 pounds. I am going to cook it in Samantha with some chicken broth, and herbs.
Now, I of course read the recommended serving size on the label, and it says that a serving is four ounces.
That means there are 26.24 servings in that bird. Even at two servings per person, I can have 11.12 more people over for Thanksgiving.
So, if you’re interested, let me know.
On second thought, scratch that. I eat a turkey dinner once a year, and I am going to go down on that bird harder than Gertrude Stein on Alice Toklas.
What else shall we have? How about some sour cream and chive mashed new potatoes? They’re ready to be abused…
Not only do we eat turkey but once a year…Thanksgiving is also the only day that we eat vegetables…
I mean other than ketchup. How about a skillet fried mix of peas, corn, and green and white lima beans?
I’ll cook them up with a couple of strips of bacon, of course. And, now comes the difficult part, the dinner rolls.
Well, you can see that we bought some, so what’s the difficulty you ask? Heating the rolls up is the only job Schmoop has on Thanksgiving.
In our years together one of two things always transpires on Turkey Day.
She will either forget to heat them up or she’ll burn them. So, I have already attached a Post-It note to her forehead.
Maybe I should have attached it to my crotch so she would see it. Oh well.
So there you have it folks. I am off on Thursday and I am gonna be a cookin’ fool.
Oh, I guess I do have one other minor concern. I wonder if that breasty bird will fit in the crockpot. Let’s see, shall we?
Perfect!!
Cheers!!
48 comments:
I can't wait for Thanksgiving!!! It's my favorite holiday...time to pull out the elastic waste banded pants!!! Whoo hoo.
Have a great week, Matt-Man!
CrAzY: I love the day as well. Screw it all...gorge away. I hope you and the family have a fantastic time. Cheers Buddy!!
It's just the four of us for T-Day, so I bought a 2.5 pound Honeybaked smoked turkey breast. It's the perfect size, and all I have to do is heat it up.
Most of the stuff I bought is low prep; mostly fully cooked and just needing to be heated and eaten. Should be a great day for feasting!
I have off the next three days, the better to get going on the cooking for - it is now 18 - on Thursday...We have room for two more, if you two want to drive down...
Songbird: Sounds nice. We also have plenty of tomato and Mayo on hand for the post-prtum sandwiches. Cheers Dear!!
Vinny: I'd love to come down, but we need to eat, drink, and "give thanks" to each other. ; ) Cheers and I'm sure your dinner will be fantastic!!
I'm not cooking. I actually wrangled an invitation for me and my brood! Hurrah! Now, I only have to make sure they do things like not fight.
Did you see that dude on Food Network? He roasted a turkey breast covered with a piece of cheesecloth that had been doused in red wine!
Kanani: Well good for you. You can sip on some Frangelico. I missed that cheeseclth technique. I used to soak my bird in a cooler full of spices and salt water overnite. It really does make them juicier. Have fun. Cheers!!
The term wishy washy was probably coined by someone who met my Hubby's family. Shall we got out for Thanksgiving, shall we stay home for Thanksgiving. They haven't decided yet and I've purchased nothing if they choose to stay home. I think I have decided, we are going out! I asked them if they are trying to tell me something about my cooking? No No it is just so much work he says. I'm like well you guys don't do any of it and I don't complain about it so what's the big deal. It used to be a very big deal for a non-cook like me but I have it down to a science now, clockwork! Have a Happy Thanksgiving Matt-man and Schmoop.
We're going modest here, full bird [10 lbs] stuffing, smashed taters, carrots, corn, squash, cranberry sauce and a pumpkin pie.
Lu: Let them decide whatever and you can come down here. The only help I will ask of you is that you make sure Schmoop doesn't fuck up the rolls. She'll be in the tank by 2 in the afternoon. Cheers, Lu!!
Micky: Sounds good. Make sure you get a fifth of Rose to go with that fine meal. Cheers, Mick!!
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday also. No yams, Matt? No stuffing?
6.56 lbs of breast? I'm thinking Schmoop can give that turkey a run for her money!!
I'm thinking ... contemplating ... cooking a small Thanksgiving meal. We'll see what happens with this lovely holiday!
Karen: I like both yams and stuffing, but this was kind of a last minutes thing. Just keepin' it simple. Cheers Karen!!
Dana: No kiddin'. I'll hold the turkey and her boobs in my hands and see which feels heavier. And if you do cook...Make sure you dice the onions up correctly. Okay? Cheers Dana!!
...eating turkey breast meat is for the novice...the real magic occurs on the bird's back, those two silver-dollar-sized medallions of dark meat sometimes called "oysters".....oh, mommy.....
Phfrankie: So...You are saying that you enjoy getting your birds from behind? Cheers!!
Holy Crap! the Anna Nicole of turkey breasts!! (too soon?)
Let us know how an uncovered crock pot works out for ya. Me and the DIL are cooking for a herd. Hopefully I'll leave the wine alone until everything is done. Then again I do my best work half crocked - and we come full circle.
I dedicated today's post to you Matty - so come on by and feast your eyes.
Matt baby~~ you CAN cut the breast in half and puzzle it in.. will work out just fine!
So you and schmoop don't have a pie on that menu... we should all expect you at the House of Cheese Pie-Noon?? Have a relaxing day cookin'!!
Dianne: I cook best half crocked as well, but there is a fine line bewteen drunken culinary inspiration and just plain drunkenness. I saw your post. GAWD, I love you. Mmmmmmmmmm. Cheers Di!!
Cheesy: Oh there's pie on the menu alright. ; )~ I really don't have to cook too much. Samantha will do most of the work. Cheers!!
My sister has her menu written out except for the dessert. We're still deciding on that. Good thing she loves to cook T-giving dinner for everyone though. Otherwise I'd be going to Shoney's!
Jay: I hope you guys have a good time. Ha. Shoney's. I spent three months in Charelston, WV in 2003 trying to get a Nursing Home bill passed.
I ate at the Shoney's next door to my motel and was always amused by the sign on their door. It read:
"Shirt and Shoes RECOMMENDED"
Ha. Not required...just a neighborly suggestion. Cheers Jay!!
Dude! I bought the exact same breast yesterday for me and my girl.
We're breast twins!
RLL: Ha. Perhaps we were both drawn to the name of the bird. Honey Suuuuuckle. You two enjoy your breasts. Cheers Lynn!!
I don't know what looks better...the breast or the balls...er...taters!
Leighann: The taters will be sweet, but my boys are much sweeter tasting. And mine contain far more protein. Cheers Sexy!!
I WILL remember the rolls, I WILL NOT burn the rolls, and by the way I WILL be tanked by noon, not two! So Ha!!
Schmoop: We shall see. Tanked by noon, eh? Does that mean you will be naked by two? Because I am making gravy, ya know. Slurrrrrrp. Cheers Schmoop!!
Kidlet is with her dad on Turkey Day this year. I get her on Friday. It's just the two of us and the parentals so we do the Boob as well.
I dunno what I am gonna do on Thursday! I'd go see Twilight again but if I go with Kidlet she will cram that turkey boob in a very uncomfortable place!
Starr: Well, if you're alone on Turkey Day, I'll get drunk and give a shout out. What says, Thanksgiving better, than me asking you, "Hey Starr, are ya naked? Gobble, Gobble" Cheers Starr!!
Hrrm...how bout "Is that a baster in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?!"
I'll probably go see the new Bond with the parentals.
Starr: You are such a rebel. Cheers!!
I hope you two have a wonderful Thanksgiving - sounds like you've got dinner well in hand.
Perhaps later Schmoop can give some hand back to you. Ha!
Giggle: She better give back more than a hand. Cheers GP, you people pleaser, you!!
Ooh! This reminds me to do my post. I love how simply elegant your feast is. I don't know why I always insist on doing things the hard way. lol
I've had a series of very depressing Thanksgivings. Usually it involved family members not talking to one another. So last year we went to Tucson to see my aunt & uncle. It was memorable, mildly depressing but funny all at once.
You and your collection of orphanage dwellers may read it here
SCREW the cooking....I'm dragging my sorry ass down to Hog Heaven and down some Rubens, a brat or 2 and wash it down with Milwaukee's Best Light in honor of my new found cyber buddy.
http://www.hogheavensportsbar.com/
Can't we just have pot pies for Thanksgiving? I don't wanna cook.
Step away from the peas!!!!
GACK!
It's going to be just the two of us for 25 Dec, so I think we'll follow your example and go for one of those turkey breasts. That's where all the best meat is anyway.
But we will NOT be having any peas!
GACK I say!
Have a tremendous holiday Sir!
Methinks you just like playing with breasts, dear.;) xo~hope
Allie: I like to keep things simple....much like myself. And by the way...I love that WTF? look on your face in that picture. Cheers!!
Kanani: I'll make sure to stop by and read that after work tonight. As well as linking your wonderful self on my list. Cheers!!
Hoot: I thank you for the beer reference but even more so for mentioning Reubens. Mmmmmm. Reubens. Cheers!!
MArilyn: Pffffft. Have at it. It's not like I am really doing any heavy cooking. I just toss it in the pot. Cheers!!
Travis: What the hell, right. It's easier and you two can just sit back and relax. You dirty, pea hater, you. Cheers Travis!!
Hope: You thinks correctly. Cheers Hope!!
After visiting Hog Heaven via Hoots link I must say, there most definitly IS a part of the keys I miss. Yes sir, the land of very happy hour.
very cheap happy hour, thats what I meant!
A crockpot turkey? I've never tried that.
I prefer an old fashioned oven. I am a master baster.
This post made me hungry.
And made me wish I could cook.
Sigh.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Micky: I just got back home and haven't checked out the site yet. I certainly will though. Cheers!!
Metal: I've never tried it either, but I am the crockpot king, so I'll make some fowl magic happen. Cheers!!
Mimi: Hiya Mimi. I love to cook. Happy Thankksgiving to you as well. Cheers!!
Matt-mans response to Phrankie HA HA HA!
Lu: Ha. And it's always so hard to go one-on-one with the P-Man. Cheers Lu!!
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