Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Baby Girl Says, "Death to Jeebus!!"

The Christmas season is a time of year that I still enjoy with all of the exuberance and joviality that I did when I was but a wee lad.

However, Christmas is a bit of a conundrum as well. It brings out three different things in people.

It brings out the best in people. It brings out the worst in people. And…

IT BRINGS OUT THE STUPID IN PEOPLE!!

See the picture of the cute, innocent looking doll? Don’t be fooled by her puerile charm.

Beneath that girly façade lies the automated heart and soul of an Islamo-Fascist mind control expert.

Her name? Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle & Coo Doll. Her game? Converting your 3-7 year old to the darkness that is Islam.

Mattel, specifically Fisher-Price, is trying to taint the birthday celebration of the Baby Jeebus by marketing a doll that says, “Islam is the Light.”

That is what those chicks with far too much time on their hands over at Moms Ask Mattel for Accountability (MAMA) are claiming…and railing against.

Here’s video evidence…




Stunning, no? I am shocked and outraged that Mattel would permit such a thing. Just think of the ramifications…

This Christmas morning, little 4 year old Suzy will be playing with Cuddly and Coo, and next Christmas she’ll be wearing a burkha and strapping a dirty bomb to herself.

Those bastard toy makers. They knew full well that little girls across America would pick through the electronic mutterings of the doll and succumb to its prime directive…Convert the Infidels!!

Iranians? Pffft, they got nothing. Hamas? Dirt eaters. Al-Qaida? Pussies. These groups are paper tigers in the grand scheme of things.

We should be more concerned about the 9 year old factory workers in China who mass produce these Muslim Mannequins of Death for Mattel.

Our Christianity and American way of life are being threatened by this toy of terror, and I’d like to thank these assholes MAMA for bringing it to our attention.

Godspeed you morons beauties of activism for our Almighty Lord and Savior, Little Baby Jeebus.

And now some pictures…


I splurged and bought us a new tree today. I call her, “Treesa”.


If you read yesterday’s post you may have picked up on the fact that my kid loves Grippo’s Bar-B-Q potato chips. They’re the best. And so, one present I have bought for him is this…


Yep, a whole case…Three pounds of Grippo’s Goodness. Lastly…I bought a new festive chapeau…


Anyone want to sit on Matta-Claus’s lap? Ho Ho Ho.

Cheers!!

51 comments:

Ken said...

Looks to me like...Grippo's is the light!

Schmoop said...

Micky: Ha. In the name of the Bar, the B, and the Q, praise Grippo's. Cheers Mick!!

Karen said...

Those chips crack me up. You are quite creative. You sure Ryno doesnt want that doll?

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...looks to me like if I sat on your lap I might lose an eye to the hot end of that magnificent cigarette...

Schmoop said...

Karen: He digs stuff like that (the chips, not the doll). He'll be quite amused. Cheers Karen!!

Phfrankie: And you would find that searing pain exquisite, wouldn't you, you kinky bastard, you. Cheers P-Man!!

Desert Songbird said...

I'm not so sure about sitting on your lap. If you were to offer an alternative spot, that might be considered...

snugs said...

Oh, I think I'd like to sit on your lap...I've been a very good girl this year, I'd like to see what Santa has for me..

Schmoop said...

Songbird: Wanna spend some time alone with me in my igloo? Cheers Dear!!

Snugs: Ha. That would be lovely. I think you'd probably feel what I got for you before you saw it. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

Sure baby doll. Might have to snuggle close to keep warm.

Schmoop said...

Songbird: So let it be written, so let it be done. Mmmmmmmmm. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

Well THAT'S a bit on the scary side! If I sit on Santa Matt's lap.. do we get to discuss the first thing that pops up?

Cheesy said...

Oh forgot to finish my thought... Son's best friend got him 210 bottles of Mountain Dew and 210 bags of Cheetos for his 21st birthday a few years back... I should have gotten him porn -so his daddy parts would have been orange~

Knight said...

What did you call me?

I remember when I was four and my dolls were trying to make me hate America.
Why doesn't Mattel invest in a set of crazy moms that could listen to baby coos for hours on end so they can determine any possible phrases that it might sound like before production?

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I need to see that video later...

Grippos huh? OK, I'll bite...send me some for Christmas too.

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: Screw the discussion of my parts...Let's just experience them. 210 bottles of Dew? Wow. Did his heart explode? Cheers Cheesy!!

Knight: I know how ya feel. I got Chutes and Ladders one year for Christmas and developed a rash from my perpetual slide riding. Cheers!!

Bond: I am mentioning you prominently in my post for tomorrow. It may be better than Grippo's. Cheers Vin!!

Michele said...

I suspect that the hat is no reflection of what's in your lap, right?

Schmoop said...

Michele: Ha. You would be correct. And I have confirmation on that. I'm like a Chihuaua. Cheers Michele!!

Kanani said...

I'd have to say that those Mothers For Accountability should beware: those toy guns they're buying Tommy and Judy have a few live rounds of ammo.

Cinnamon Girl said...

You know what that picture of you is missing? Russ Meyer worthy boobage!

I got nuthin for those stupid beyotches, other than the sincere and feverent wish that their husbands would bang them more often as they obviously are hella wound up.

Jay said...

I knew it! Obama hasn't even taken office and this country is already turning Muslim!

I wonder if that mommy group has ever listened to Hanna Montana songs backwards? If they do, they'll hear her tell all teenage girls to post videos of them and their BFFs having lesbian sex on the internet.

Kanani said...

No darlin'...I think you said that!

Watch out for the new doll that says "Bagwine is da light."

Schmoop said...

Jay: And I hope they do. Okay I was kidding. I only want to see naked 18 year olds. Okay who am I kidding, 16 year olds would be cool too. Cheers Jay!!

Kanani: Sorry. I was just checking with ya. I really wasn't sure what you meant.

And yes, Bagwine is THE light. Kind of a blacklight, but a light nonetheless. Cheers Kanani!!

Anonymous said...

Can you imagine some little Catholic girl taking that doll to church with her?!

For some reason I have this urge to sit on Santa's lap and talk about the first thing that pops up.

Grippo's.Where in Ohio do you get those? I have never seen them before on store shelves.Then again I don't get out much.

Maybe I should ask for a more exciting life this year for Christmas...

Lu' said...

First off the new cap pic is hot,better than cocoa :)
Secondly, the dolly I purchased can be heard saying "eat more candy, sugar good" It's hard to make out but I know that is what she is saying so that must be the reason I eat candy right" I'm blaming it on the doll. It is all her fault.

Schmoop said...

Islam: You're an idiot. Usually I have some snarky response, but in this case, I'll just say that.

PP: You're kidding? You're in Ohio for Godssakes!!. Send me your address. I'll send ya some Grippo's. You'll be hooked!! Cheers PP!!

Lu: Cocoa? Mmmmmmmmm. Drink me, baby!! And damn right...Those evil marketing genii should be ashamed of themselves. Eat your candy and blame it on them. You deserve no less. Cheers Pal!!

Dianne said...

I wonder - who the fuck is caring for the kids of these loon Moms while they rush around saving toddlers from Islam!?

How much you wanna bet it's the illegal nanny they pay $3 an hour to

anyway - if I pulled on your Christmas ball you'd see the light ;)

Schmoop said...

Starr: Holy Crap!! I swear you weren't there. At least in my field of vision. A Thousand Pardons.

If you doing Mr. Meyer...I suggest "Mud Honey". Mmmmmmmm, Mud Honey. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Schmoop said...

Dianne: Ha. I'd not only see the light; I'd snow all over myself. But what a blizzard it would be.

And yeah, some people need to maybe dedicate themrselves to a bit of a more noble project. Cheers Sexy!! Yeah, I called you sexy.

Cinnamon Girl said...

You are forgiven, Mr. Over-committed. Mud Honey is a good one. Good band too. Your wish is my command. My Wordless will be all booby all the time all for Matt.

Schmoop said...

Starr: Ha. Thank you. Just don't show any of your own boobage. If you did, I would have one helluva mess to clean up. Cheers!!

Beth said...

Psssst...I bought the boots, can I be first to sit on your lap??? Pweeeeeeze!!

Schmoop said...

Schmoop: Did you get a feather with the boots, 'cause you could knock me over with it, with that statement. Be still my heart, and my wanker. Cheers Baby!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Pass the chips!

Schmoop said...

RLL: Will do, and, I might say, you will be in my post tomorrow hot stuff. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

love the seasonal pic (very festive) & treesa. wish I'da thought of that except for the fact that all my trees are boys - ha Ha HA!!! Doug II is a strapping 6.5 ft and quite handsome.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Wait...I am featured tomorrow...

OH, I know it is the "Who Matt-Man Really Wants To be Like" post...right?

Anonymous said...

Be afraid of that doll. Be very afraid.

Oh, and I love chocolates and Starbucks, so keep that in mind since you're buying up cases of the stuff we love. Huh? You're only doing that for your son? Well shit, what kind of Santa are you?

(love the hat, btw!!)

Anonymous said...

Scrawney(is that a word) ass X-Mas Tree...but the new Profile Photo is 2 thumbs up...

Christ, reading through the comments..."Islam is evil" makes Hoot look like a choir boy, what you say Matt?

Schmoop said...

Dice: I bet Doug has lots of balls on him as well. Cheers Dice!!

Bond: Ummmmm.Not Exactly. Ha. Cheers Vin!!

Giggle: How about I deliver myself to ya? Cheers GP!!

Schmoop said...

Hoot: Scrawney? Love isn't measured in height or width...It's measured in depth. Cheers!!

Ken said...

Love isn't measured in height or width...It's measured in depth.

Your wit never ceases to amaze me.

Cinnamon Girl said...

Cause he is deep, Mickey ;)

Anndi said...

But what does it say if you turn it upside down and play with it backwards?

"Sarah Palin is my hero"?

Lulda Casadaga said...

You crack me up...I'm over here laughin and wishing I had a hat to wear and a swig of that juice!

Your kids better appreciate those chips!!

Dana said...

I've decided the WIR will be consumed on Christmas Eve. I can't think of a better day to honor the rose ... and baby Jebus!

Schmoop said...

Micky: I should have made a living being a beat poet. Cheers Mick!!

Starr: You are so good at recoginzing wisdom. Cheers Starr!!

Anndi: That would be much more perverse, indeed. Cheers Anndi!!

Schmoop said...

Lulda: He'll appreciate them alright. And thanks, here have another swig. Cheers!!

Dana: When you drink it, you'll not only honor him...You'll see him!! Cheers Sexy!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Well finally got to see the video...these women are all IDJITS!

Schmoop said...

Bond: Indeed they are. Cheers Vinny. Thank you in advance!!

People in the Sun said...

I didn't hear anything wrong. It was just some gibberish. Now, excuse me while I pray to Allah the Merciful, the Light.

What just made me say that?!

Schmoop said...

PINTS: See? They've got you. Oh the Humanity!! Cheers!!