A Mosque Around Ground Zero? Fuck That!!

So…

Some towel heads want to build a mosque near the sacred ground where the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center towers once stood.

Sean “I Don’t Wear a Wedding Ring” Hannity and Michelle “If You Want To Chill Your Beer, Put It Between My Legs” Malkin, and other right wing knuckleheads are up in arms about this.

Me?

I really don’t give a shit.

Hell, put up a Baskin-Robbins for all I care. It’s just a piece of ground that some time ago got vaporized by some hateful nut jobs.

But…let me ask you this…If a Christian Church wanted to build a facility in the area would that be okay? Of course it would, because…

Christianity is where it’s at…or so Christians think, especially those of the Fundamentalist favor…and fervor.

I am a Christian, but you know what? I dislike many Christians because, well…many have some warped sense of Christianity.

In fact, many Christians have an incredibly fucked up take on Christianity, just as many Muslims have a fucked up view of Islam.

I know, Mohammed was a crazy man who allegedly was talked to by God (he was probably drunk on camel piss), and we Christians know his story not to be true.

And Mohammed, set forth this entire Muslim thing that just fucks up the world of Christianity, and the lives of every living, breathing, freedom loving American.

Anyhoo…

A mosque near the site of the 9-11 attack would be a thorn in the eye of our God. After all, God likes America best…at least that’s what I hear.

What a joke…God likes people based on their own merits, not their religious or political affiliation. And if I am wrong, and He doesn‘t, that’s not a God I give a damn about.

But, back to my original point…

Why do Americans, and people throughout the world feel the need to build memorials?

My mom and dad didn’t die in a horrific act of terrorism, but they are no less dead, and I am sure I miss them just as much as those who lost family who died in the 9/11 attacks.

Why can’t we just miss, honor, and celebrate the lives of those we miss without circus or cultural hyperbole?

Why can’t death be a solemn event of passing and tribute without political debate and posturing?

And…

Why can’t all religions be taken as faith and not as fact? After all…

Faith is much more powerful than fact, and to deny that, is to deny a very fundamental fact of life.

Cheers!!

Al-Hijra: Happy Islamic New Year!!

Shoot those fireworks and bang those pots and pans Bitches, today is Al-Hijra, the Islamic New Year!!

Wait a minute…pots and pans? Fireworks? Muslims? Let’s start over…

Fire off those AK-47s and detonate those IEDs Bitches, today is Al-Hijra, the Islamic New Year!! Yeah, that’s more like it.

Today, Muslims around the world will be entering another new year filled with the same old bitterness, self-loathing, and not knowing the joy of eating a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.

Al-Hijra marks the day that the prophet Mohammed (or is that, Muhammad?) migrated to the city of Medina. While Al-Hijra is not a big day of celebration for the Muslims, it is a day that began a tenet and belief among many Muslims.

You see, when Mohammed arrived in Medina after a long, hot journey, not only was he hungry and thirsty, the schismatic bastard was hornier than hell.

He stopped at each tea house, brothel, and every 7th Century al-Disco club that he could find. He would say to the ladies, “Wanna come back to my place and watch me talk to God?”

Oh yeah baby…Mohammed or Muhammad, whatever, was killin’ with the Arabian babes. He took a slew of them for a Magic Mohammed Carpet Ride. By the break of dawn the next morning..?

Mohammed had done the nasty in camel style with six dozen hot, saucy Saudi chicks. Upon pulling his Muslim Meat Ka-Bob from the last of the six dozen babes he looked skyward and screamed:

“Praise be to Allah; I feel like I've died and gone to Heaven!!”

That is why today, Muslim men think that if they die in the name of Allah they will go to heaven and be received by 72 virgins.

But, other than that and like I said, the Islamic New Year is not a big deal to most Muslims.

Some mark it by drinking a special tea, others with a small gift, but most Muslims simply celebrate the day by taking the only bath that they'll have all year.

I guess it would be difficult for many Muslims ‘round the world to get excited about a new year. I mean, they know it will be just like the last...

A diet of dirt and hummus sandwiches, no alcohol, and the only entertainment is to listen to the incoherent wailing and shrieking of Islamic music on the radio.

Yeah, I can see their indifference to this holiday.

Hell they don’t even have a Baby New Year like we do in here in the States…

Isn’t he cute? Of course if the Islamic world did have a Baby New Year to mark this day, he’d wear his diaper a little differently…

Anyhoo…To all of my Muslim friends out there, of which I have none, Happy Al-Hijra. May all of your wildest dreams come true and your flocks be reproductive.

And now for something completely different…

I will finally get to watch Ryno play tonight. His High School JV basketball team takes to the floor at 6 P.M., and I will be there to root him on.

How will I know which player he is? Because he will look exactly like this…

Boo Yah…What a King of the Court he be.

Cheers!!

P.S. Was it wrong of me to have sent a link of this post to the Royal Saudi Embassy in Washington, D.C? I don't want to start an international incident or anything. Just asking...

Baby Girl Says, "Death to Jeebus!!"

The Christmas season is a time of year that I still enjoy with all of the exuberance and joviality that I did when I was but a wee lad.

However, Christmas is a bit of a conundrum as well. It brings out three different things in people.

It brings out the best in people. It brings out the worst in people. And…

IT BRINGS OUT THE STUPID IN PEOPLE!!

See the picture of the cute, innocent looking doll? Don’t be fooled by her puerile charm.

Beneath that girly façade lies the automated heart and soul of an Islamo-Fascist mind control expert.

Her name? Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle & Coo Doll. Her game? Converting your 3-7 year old to the darkness that is Islam.

Mattel, specifically Fisher-Price, is trying to taint the birthday celebration of the Baby Jeebus by marketing a doll that says, “Islam is the Light.”

That is what those chicks with far too much time on their hands over at Moms Ask Mattel for Accountability (MAMA) are claiming…and railing against.

Here’s video evidence…

Stunning, no? I am shocked and outraged that Mattel would permit such a thing. Just think of the ramifications…

This Christmas morning, little 4 year old Suzy will be playing with Cuddly and Coo, and next Christmas she’ll be wearing a burkha and strapping a dirty bomb to herself.

Those bastard toy makers. They knew full well that little girls across America would pick through the electronic mutterings of the doll and succumb to its prime directive…Convert the Infidels!!

Iranians? Pffft, they got nothing. Hamas? Dirt eaters. Al-Qaida? Pussies. These groups are paper tigers in the grand scheme of things.

We should be more concerned about the 9 year old factory workers in China who mass produce these Muslim Mannequins of Death for Mattel.

Our Christianity and American way of life are being threatened by this toy of terror, and I’d like to thank these assholes MAMA for bringing it to our attention.

Godspeed you morons beauties of activism for our Almighty Lord and Savior, Little Baby Jeebus.

And now some pictures…

I splurged and bought us a new tree today. I call her, “Treesa”.

If you read yesterday’s post you may have picked up on the fact that my kid loves Grippo’s Bar-B-Q potato chips. They’re the best. And so, one present I have bought for him is this…

Yep, a whole case…Three pounds of Grippo’s Goodness. Lastly…I bought a new festive chapeau…


Anyone want to sit on Matta-Claus’s lap? Ho Ho Ho.

Cheers!!

Mohammed: Prophet of Punchlines

As promised, I am posting some Muslim humor today. However, the humor isn’t actually mine.

Allah’s prophet, Mohammed, stopped by last night, in quite the fortuitous moment, and we chatted.

The Mohammed-Man is embarking upon a tour of the U.S. in order to instill good will among those idiots folks who think all Muslims are evil.

His choice of good will tactic?

Stand-Up Comedy…although he kneels on a prayer rug as he does it.

So Ladies and Gents, Bagwine Ruminations welcomes, the Prophet Mohammed!! Take it away my good man.

Thank you very much Matt-Man. Oh my goodness gracious, I am very wonderful to be here…

Folks, I just flew in from Baghdad, and boy is my carpet dirty. Baghdad isn’t too bad of a place. I’ve been worse places…

For Allah’s sake, I spent a week in Mecca one night. Bada bin-Bing!!

Knock-Knock…Who’s there?

Allah…Allah Who?

Allahst the combination to the lock on my weapons cache, and can’t blow anyone up!!

Ha. How many of you are from out of village? I am from out of village.

In fact, I was at airport a few minutes ago when a Muslim guy came up to me and said, “Hey Mohammed, that’s a sexy virgin ya got there.”

I said, “That’s no virgin; that’s my wife!!”

I find myself bathed in the goat’s milk of hilariousness, and if this takes off, I may try a movie career.

My new curvy, American friend Starrlight suggested a couple of good Muslim-Themed cinematic offerings:

I could star with that Jew boy Billy Crystal in a movie called, “Throw Mullah From the Train.”

Or, I could hook up with Stephen King in an Islamic horror movie titled, “Children of the Koran.”

I was thinking maybe I could do a film about the 1981 Israeli sneak attack on the Iraqi nuclear reactor and call it, “Torah, Torah, Torah.” Bada bin-Bing!!

Then, I thought that I could very much capitalize by doing an Islamic pornographic martial arts movie named, “Crouching Virgin, Hidden Falafel.”

Unfortunately, I really don’t have the face for the very large screen…

In fact, I was so ugly when born, that the Doctor slapped my mother…And then they stoned her to death!!

I was so ugly when young, that they had to tie a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

The dog finally played with me, ate the pork chop, and then they killed puppy for violating Islamic food Law. Bada bin-Bing!!

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Imam walk into a bar. The Priest orders whiskey; the Rabbi orders wine; and the Imam orders their beheading!!

I never understood the Ottoman Empire. No wonder it collapsed; it was based upon a foot stool. Ha!!

Before I go, I want to thank my brother Ahmed for helping to finance my good will tour. Ahmed is very rich man. He is arms dealer…

He sells rocks and bottles to Palestinians…Boo Yah!!

Thank you for your time…Tip your scantily clad infidel waitress, and Praise Jeebus!!!

Ha, just kidding.

Cheers!!