It reads as follows:
Matt-Man,
I have been reading your blog site for a couple of months.
At first I found you to be funny but I have come to find you more offensive than anything else. In fact I find you horribly offensive.
Your Christmas and Kwanzaa posts, and description of “Schmoop’s” menstruation were beyond tasteless.
I guess I am letting you know how I feel because you seem to be a good guy deep down and have quite a bit of talent. I hate to see you waste it on the garbage you write.
A Former Reader,
Nicole
Well, blow me down. I am somewhat confounded by this note because I have no idea who this mystery chick is.
I can see perhaps, that a person that I know, maybe one of my regular commenters taking me to task over something, but…
This is someone with whom I have never interacted or communicated as far as I know.
Oddly enough, I appreciate it. She took the time to tell me, a person who only exists in her world on a blog, what her opinion is of me.
True, she bashed me and my writing, but what the hell, she took the time to do it. And maybe, I’ll give Nicole’s opinion some thought.
Perhaps I am over the top in the offensive department.
I could tone down my satire of religion, leave Schmoop’s plumbing and hot body out of my talks, and be nicer.
But then I think, why should I do that? That just isn’t what I am all about on here. Yeah, I am a nice guy, but do people want me to write fluffy, feel good stories?
I guess one thing Nicole did make me think about was this…
What the hell is my niche in the blogosphere? What exactly do people want to hear from me? Is there a certain topic or part of life I should concentrate on writing about?
Here’s what I think. I talk about Jeebus, war, politics, sex, and a myriad of other things that touch all of our lives oft times in a negative and hurtful way and make them funny.
Many times the topics are incredibly taboo or harsh…such as the latest fight going on between the Palestinians and the Israelis, but…
If I was to discuss the situation and relate it to my frequent masturbatory sessions to pictures of Golda Meir, maybe that would elicit a laugh.
I guess what I am saying is that my niche and my response to Nicole is that we are all bombarded by ugliness everyday.
I take that ugliness (or the mundane), and if only for a brief moment while reading my post, a few people can go beyond the sometime shitty reality of life, and laugh.
If that is what you (Nicole), consider as you say, to be garbage, so be it. It is what I do.
I could write about the cruelties of life and echo what we all know to be sad or painful, but to me, that is easy…
Too easy.
To take those common difficulties that we all share and turn them into a brief, humorous release, is much more difficult.
And why is it that I take the more difficult route with all of this?
Well, because Nicole…I’m Matt-Man, Bitch!!
Cheers!!
If that is what you (Nicole), consider as you say, to be garbage, so be it. It is what I do.
I could write about the cruelties of life and echo what we all know to be sad or painful, but to me, that is easy…
Too easy.
To take those common difficulties that we all share and turn them into a brief, humorous release, is much more difficult.
And why is it that I take the more difficult route with all of this?
Well, because Nicole…I’m Matt-Man, Bitch!!
Cheers!!
59 comments:
You are who you are - mundane, witty, satirical, and disgusting all rolled into one. If there is a post that is over the top, well, then so be it.
It's who you are. I take the crap with the good; that's what friends do, and I consider you a friend, darling man.
Now, take your bitch slap like a man, asshole, and get back in the game.
Matty Darling, Choke 'em if they can't take a fuck =)
can you post her email...since she is a former reader...she may not read your post or the comments.
nicole...mateo is frequently funny and occasionally offensive. He does have amazing talent and is smarter than the average bear.
however he is an acquired taste. It is okay to engage him with your objections....(you may get slammed by other readers....but hey...who cares what they think?)
His "crap" as The Songbird calls it appeals to a different demographic than you. But as she says worth taking with the good. And next to mateo's writing...the comments are the best part of visiting Bagwine.
He's good issues...and we tolerate him...just sayin'....laughing..
Hey, you can't please everyone. There are days I might find you over the top, but so what? I wouldn't ask you to tone down or change because in the end, you are damn funny.
Not every blog is for every one. Nicole will find her niche, just as you have found yours.
Songbird: Take it like a man? Are you kidding me? I'm not upset; I dig this kind of shit. It makes life a little more fun. Cheers!!
Starr: Damn straight. I actually took it easy on her. I have no idea why. Cheers!!
Kat: That was the entire email. I'll give her a couple of days and see if she responds to me. And if she does, I'll pass it on. And thanks. Cheers Kat!!
Karen: You know I thought the same thing. I was just kinda surprised that instead of just moving on, she chose to let me know what she thought about it. That was a first for me. Cheers!!
Well, I think we might need to take her OUT! (wait, it wasn't ME was it???)
xoxoxo
Vodka: Did you have too many martinis and email me such hate? Did you!? Cheers VM!!
Please don't quit what you are doing because I come to you for tasteless, offensive and funny garbage. I think of your writing as ironic. You are trying to be ironic aren't you?
Michele: Ha. You're funny. And no, I won't stop. Everyone deserves some offensiveness in their life.
In fact as I said to Starr, I should have been much more offensive towards her. Alas, I have a nice streak in me that always sneaks out. Cheers Michele!!
Well hell, some of us are proud to be garbage collectors! Look, if I want regurgitated memes, I can hit that NEXT BLOG button and find thousands of them. If I want original, sometimes over-the-top snippets, I can come pick up Matt-Man's garbage!
So this is like ...Love mail huh?
Careful about how far you take this, Schmoop might get jealous.
I love coming to a blog where I can type 'fuck'. And the fact that you know your Israeli/Palestinian history is even more of a turn-on for me. So keep it up, Matt. No pun intended.
Dana: I think you just called my site a waste dump. I don't know whether to be pissed or incredibly proud. Cheers Dana!!
Micky: It is sweet, no? And trust me, Schmoop is only jealous of you. Cheers Mick!!
Fantasy: And "fuck" is a fun word to use. I'm sure there will be a Israeli/Palestinian post soon. I'll keep it up, and thanks Meg. Cheers!!
I am offended by this post...
How dare you tell us that you are out of line...before you told me, I thought you were normal!
Over the top? Yes you can be. Distasteful? Yes you can be. Funny? Your humor tickles my funny bone, not everytime but nobody is perfect; work on that will ya HA!. Some of your funniest stuff, I think, is when you take a taboo subject over the top. Your humor isn't for everyone, the faint at heart should steer clear, but thankfully it is for me. He is Matt-Man Bitch :) Have a good day Matty.
Take it like a man?? NO WAY!
Take it like a bitch in heat and smile babe..
oh.. and take pics!
OR~~ make an Inky and Lola!
Lu: Ha. Thanks Pal. The more I think about it. The more I want to publish her email address and just ream her. In a good, funny way of course. I mean, I'm not evil...you know...REAL evil. Cheers Lu!!
Cheesy: Ha. Y'know? I have had a two month or so mental block with Inky and Lola. I don't know what it is. But I have lost touch with them. Cheers Cheesy!!
No you're not evil in the, ouch that pitchfork up my ass sure hurts. You're just a little nasty and can't everyone use a little nasty from time to time :)
David: Ha. I am aware of your visits and I appreciate it. She's just trying to help. Ha, yeah right. Meddling Biotch!! Cheers David!!
Lu: Could you use a little nasty right now? Rowrrrrr. Cheers Lu!!
THANKS MATTY...wanna double it and do it together?
ok, I was not crazy about the post on poor Schoomp's monthly visitor either, but some of your others make it entertaining to stick around. I do not quite get what her point was in emailing you, but respect that she did it privately rather than on your blog. I'd rather see you respect that privacy and not post her email address.
it's early and I can't spell..sorry for messing up dear Schmoop's name :)
Bond: Nooooooooo thank you. Schmoop and I are happy as hell living in sin. But best of luck to you two. Cheers!!
Snugs: It was the Beefaroni line wasn't it? But hey the rudeness of that post is balanced by my poetic New Year's Eve post. And I am glad you come back 'round.
Anyhoo...Maybe she's trying to save me from myself. I'll ask her. I haven't emailed her back yet. And hey, do you read my comments? If you do, you should know that spelling doesn't count here. Cheers Snugs!!
A little nasty right now might distract my co-workers so I will just have to leave it in the form of thought and they can wonder what the smile is all about :)
Lu: Well think about this...Me, you, on a beach with six bottles of Wild Irish Rose and a skillet full of Loosemeat cookin' over an open fire. Oooooooh Baby!! Cheers Lu!!
...it is interesting that she took the time to write you...but then, if it is true that the purpose of art is to elicit a response, either negative or positive, then it looks like you hit the mark...
Phfrankie: I was going to mention that very thing, but I went off in another direction with the post. Boo Yah, my good man. Cheers!!
Let's face it Matt-Man, you are an acquired taste. Not everybody is going to enjoy your satire as I do.
Keep on keeping on!
Al: First of all, I hope all is well with ya.
Secondly, I know that I am not for everyone, but I was surprised that she took time to voice her opinion as such.
I will, say, however, it was great getting my first protest email after nearly three years of doing this!! Happy New Year and Cheers Al!!
Good Lord! If I can't come here to be offended I might have to be offended by someone face to face ...
and that would lead to me killing them
and there'd be no bail money
so see - you're saving me from a life of crime
BTW - I think it is so hot that Golda is smoking ;)
What the hell is my niche in the blogosphere?
Are you kidding???? I thought you were a fucking Mommy Blogger!!! Damn, I should quit drinking so much!
Dianne: Dammit, you're right. I am doing both a service to the public and to keep you out of the Big House. I feel better now. And yeah, Golda is smokin' hot. Cheers Di!!
Metalmom: Don't feel like you're going crazy. I was a Mommy Blogger until I had my sex change in 2006. Cheers Metal!!
Songbird: Eh, how could I slap someone who trashed me in such a nice way? The only slappin' I do with everyday folk is when I smack Schmoop on the ass. Cheers!!
Be true to yourself Matt, it's all you've got to do - write for YOU, and the true bagwinos will stick around. ;-)
Tug: Mmmmmmmmmm Tuuuuuug. I have been true to myself for the last eight years. Up to that point, I was always lying to myself. Cheers Tug!!
Eight years huh? Is that because of me? Little ole me?? Tell that bitch to go eff herself! You're a great writer.
Schmoop: Yes, that was a reference to little ol' you. And I appreciate your biased opinion of my writing...
And your hotness...I appreciate your hotness. Cheers Schmoopie!!
Whatever...This is exactly what I was talking about. Good luck with your life.
Well THANK GOD you know Nicole opinion about you! How were you ever making it through the day not knowing how she felt about you and your blog?
And now that she's gone what will you do? How can you get by without Nicole's input and approval of your every action?
I got one of those emails once. Telling me that I was wasting my "talent" by posting immature rants and pics of women and stuff like that.
Know what I did?
I emailed the person back and asked which of my old high school teachers they were. Cause I got that fucking lecture weekly back in the day. LOL
I must admit the Beefaroni line made me a little nauseous. At the same time you are one of the few bloggers that can make me laugh on a regular basis. I love you for your shock value and it's too bad not everyone can appreciate your humor. They are missing out.
Anony: Well, if that is you. I will simply say good luck to you...and lighten up. Cheers!!
Jay: Ha. I do feel better knowing that for a brief moment, I had an Ombudsman...or Ombudswoman. And you know what? I cann hear you getting that lecture. I dig it. Cheers Jay!!
Knight: Yeah it was gross...but what can you do other than laugh about things that you can't do anything about? And thanks. Cheers to ya!!
I have two philosophies on anonymous correspondence I receive:
1. If it regards someone else (such as a parishioner), destroy before reading.
2. If it regards me, consider what benefit I can get from the criticism (anonymous stuff almost always contains criticism).
Nick: Well at least she left her name and email address. I mean, if she is really who she says she is. Cheers Nick!!
I wonder if Nicole has been over to my blog. I'm sitting here going crazy not knowing what she thinks of me.
Nicole! If you're reading this, please, PLEASE let me know what your opinion of me is!
And send a pic. I need to know if you're hot. ;-)
Jay: Ha. I'll ask her and of course I'll ask for a picture. I'll pass it along to ya if it's forwarding worthy. Cheers!!
...pick me, Nicole!!...pick me!!....
I think you should have reamed her. If you had said anything directly to her that was offensive then by all means she should email you and discuss.
But really, reading a blog for a bit and deciding it is not for you in the Internet equivalent of channel surfing. She should have just changed the channel. The fact that she did makes me wonder what fucking books she wants off the shelf.
Oh and do you think Miss Nicole would like it if say YOUR readers went to her blog and gave her unasked for feedback? What if I found the daily minutia (stole your word Vinny) of her life to be boring as bug fuck?
What if I found her writing style to be pedantic and her complete lack of understanding of the concept of satire to be the equivalent of a Dollar Store Lobotomy? Would that be rude of me? Would she perhaps not wonder why I, someone she does not know, felt the need to let her in on my opinion about her FUCKING INTERNET BLOG? Or do you think she might wonder why I didn't do something more productive with my time?
*headsmack*
Hell, send her over to my seldom used blog, there is still enough left there to piss just about anybody off. You are a crude bastard, but nobody has to read yer sheet, if they don't like it.
Screw Nichole. You write about whatever you want to write about. I'll still be here!
There are other bloggers out there who are offensive and I don't visit because I don't find them funny. Other people find them funny but they don't make me laugh. You don't make me laugh every visit... but most days I get a giggle out of your post, if only for the sheer abandon with which you manage to be offensive to everybody... liberal, conservative, religious, non-religious. You have something to offend everybody.
Phfrankie: Quit being so obvious. It is so unbecoming of you. Cheers P-Man!!
Starr: Don't sugarcoat it. Tell us how you really feel!! Cheers Lovely One!!
Hoot: I'll send her the link, and see what she has to say. Cheers!!
Giggle: And if you are here, not a damn thing else matters. Cheers GP!!
Marilyn: I agree with you however...What do you mean I don't make you laugh every time you visit? Damn. Cheers Marilyn!!
Pfft - who cares?
Matt - you make my day brighter with each musing or rant. If I didn't have you to read on most days I would collapse into a fit of tears and drama that would put Britney and her whole damn family to shame.
THANK YOU for being rude, crude, offensive, and generally YOU.
MMMMMMWWWWAAAAHHHHH. I loves ya baby!
She falls squarely into the group that doesn't function on a level to comprehend satire, irony, or sarcasm.
Why would she be disappointed in you? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Does she expect you to come out with academic discourses on Baby Jeebus? Does she want you to take a feminist stance for Schmooop? I think the only one she should be disappointed in is herself. She became disenchanted with your blog, and rather than walk away, she kept coming back for more.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Write what you write because you want to write it.
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