This weekend is my last meat-filled weekend until Easter. Ash Wednesday comes this week ushering in the 2009 Lent Season.
And thusly on Wednesday, I will begin my 3rd Annual Meatlessness for the Messiah. Forty-six long days without juicy, delicious meat.
I guess it comes at a good time because I weighed myself last night and was up to 189. Of course…
Much of that was because I had been constipated for a couple of days.
However, the pizza and chili cheese fries I ate last night abated that malady this morning.
I bet I dropped 3-4 pounds this morning while sitting on the can reading I Corinthians. The Bible moves me in powerful ways my friends.
Good ol’ Schmoop weighed herself as well. She is a gargantuan 126 pounds. She’s 5’7” and yeah, you guessed it, she thinks she’s fat.
Unbelievable.
Anyhoo…I will be putting the meat away this weekend. Storing up as it were for my trek through the wildnerness of meatlessness.
In order to prepare myself and to help me through the perilous journey, I have summoned my Dashboard Jeebus and placed him next to my computer.
Speaking of meatlessness, we haven’t had sex in a week. A week folks!!
I work 11-4 today, but when I get home, a certain someone is gonna get a copulation complex. Or would that be a, complex copulation? Anyway…
It ain’t going to be some candle lighting, soft music, Chinese coos of, Me Luv Yu Long Time, kinda sex.
Noooooooooo.
It’s going to be, “Okay I got the perfect buzz now, so let’s go get naked and make each other bruised and wet” kinda sex.
The best thing? I colored Schmoop’s hair again yesterday. It’s going to be like hosing a different woman. Meowwwwwww.
She’s lookin’ HAWT my friends…
It’s too bad that she's so damn fat.
Have a Saturday!!
Cheers!!
19 comments:
Hey Schmoop, 126 at 5'7, I'll trade ya :) Trade hell I'll pay dearly...
Lu: Ha. But just think of all the baggage it comes with...and the bad attitude, oh Dear God, the attitude!! Cheers Lu!!
I'd take the 5'7"...
Bring on the meatlessness, and hold on people. We're in for a hallucination filled ride!
Songbird: Ha. My lack of meat does bring out the best in my posts. I guess it's proof positive that suffering does have its reward. Cheers Dear!!
126? Hell I have a thigh that big....
Oh, and if you DO make that bacon loaf, you need to post photos. It's a requirement.
Cheesy: HEY NOW....While clothed in a pair of jeans, I've seen your thigh. It's a beautiful thing. Cheers Cheesy!!
Songbird: I don't think I'm gonna get to that before Lent. I had a plate full of just plain bacon the other night. Naked Bacon, Rocks!! Cheers!!
Oh Schmoop darling, what I wouldn't give to be 126lbs again, I'm 5'7" too but I've lost soo much weight that I look like a shapeless broom handle, you're a healthy weight - enjoy it and show off those legs - You'll feel better in no time when you see all the heads that turn!
And Matt-Man - is that a boingy sproingy Jesus? How cool! I saw a glow in the dark Virgin Mary once and a demented looking bobblehead Jesus but that one of yours is wicked cool!
Sam: She is ALL legs...well, and boobs. But I for one, do not want heads turning. Mine.
But being the broom that you are, I'm sure you can sweep a person off of their feet. Cheers Sam!!
Sam: Ha. Yes, it "boings". But man, a glow in the dark Mary? I would love to have that. Cheers!!
that Jeebus looks a bit porky to me, perhaps he's been smuggling meat.
HAH! Dianne noticed the same thing I did! Schmoop is fine, but Jeebus needs to investigate Slim Fast!
At least Schmoop doesn't have to go meatless. And by "meat", I mean "schlong".
hahaha!
Matt, You make meatless sound like a bad thing.
Dianne: What the? It's just the camera angle. Don't be dissin' Baby Jeebus. Cheers Di!!
Starr: Have a nice time burning in Hell. Cheers Hot Stuff!!
GP: She will never go "meatless". Nevah!! Cheers GP!!
Michele: I know I do, but yes, I actually like it. I have fun coming up with off the wall meatless recipes. Cheers Michele!!
Now now, Dianne and I are just concerned about the Son of God's cholesterol levels :P
Starr: His HDL and LDL levels are immaculate. Cheers!!
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