Monday, March 30, 2009

Do Not Give Me This Day, My Daily Bread

I started my meatless Lent at 187 pounds.

A week ago I was at 181, and yesterday I hopped on the scale to check to see if I had cracked that mythical 180 mark and perhaps would weigh maybe 179 or so…

Ha…Pictures don’t lie, Bitches!!


I’m back up to 1 frickin’ 85!! WTF!?

How could this be? I eat egg salad, tuna fish, beans, salad…I’m at a loss.

Okay, maybe it’s all of the mayo in the tuna and egg salad, and of course I put that shit in sandwich form. I eat biscuits with my beans.

I eat grilled cheese and this past week we had cheese pizza twice. Ya see a common theme with these things?

Uh-huh…BREAD!! It’s been a Bread-O-Frickin’ Rama ‘round here of late.

Hell, bread based foods have even invaded our health food cabinet.


Crackers, Cheese Nips, Cheesy Fries, Brownies, Swiss Rolls, cookies, corn chips and more…frickin’…bread. Unbelievable.

Except in its beer form, I am off the bread until Easter. No Mas. And guess what else I’m going to do…

Come Holy Week, I am going to fast (once again, that doesn’t count beer and Bagwine) completely on that Thursday, Good Friday, and Saturday.

No food for those 72 hours. I am going to hit that 179 pound mark and come Easter Morning I’ll be one holy, woozy, hung-over son of a bitch.

So let it be written; so let it be done.

And now, to end…a pretty picture for your Monday morning.

Schmoop and I aren’t big Birthday people, but I did buy some flowers for Schmoop for her Birthday the other day.


Pretty, no? And what’s more romantic than placing them in a Budweiser beer stein? Nothing. Even Jeebus liked the array.


Praise be to Jeebus and to a pretty bunch of Alstromerias.

Have a lovely Monday, all.

Cheers!!

41 comments:

MysteryChick said...

Obviously the problem is your scale. It's broke dude! Keep the bread, ditch the scale.

katherine. said...

you have realllllly looooong toes!

Schmoop said...

Mystery: Nah...Bread is no good. I gave it up once and lost a ton. I'm going to do it yet again. Cheers Chick!!

Kat: Ya think? I've never really thought about it. I try not to look at my feet. Cheers Kat!!

Dana said...

You know what they say about men with long toes - they wear holes in their socks!

Michele said...

The key to a vegetarian diet is variety. It sounds like you like your mayo and cheese also. I would never fast in a million years. I like food way too much. Good luck with that.

Jay said...

First meat and now bread? Dude, that's crazy talk. ;-)

Schmoop said...

Dana: Yeah, but my holes are usually in the heels. What's that sya about me? Cheers!!

Jeff: Ha. Hey that's cool. I once wanted to be a florist. Love the beer, hate the bread. Cheers!!

Michele: Cheese is da bomb. As fo rthe fasting thing...it should be interesting. Cheers Michele!!

Schmoop said...

Jay: Hell I did the non-bread thing for 2 and half years once. Only ate any type of bread or pasta once or at the most twice a week. Dropped 70 pounds. I can do it...

Doesn't mean I'll like it though. Cheers Jay!!

Ken said...

It all sounds painful to me. No meat, then no bread, then no food!!

Schmoop said...

Micky: Just call me a Matt-So-Chist. Cheers Mick!!

Ken said...

OK, your a fricken mattsocist.
But I think I get it! Whats the point if you don't get to 179?

Schmoop said...

Micky: The point? Well, if I only lose two pounds, that's two more pounds my heart does not have to take care of. And...

For 46 days every year, I prove to myself that I am not completely without discipline. Cheers Mick!!

Dianne said...

Jeebus looks so happy in those flowers, he clearly doesn't know what's coming!!

Schmoop said...

Dianne: He always knows. And he knows that tomorrow I am unveiling my Easter installment of the Bagwine Holiday Tree. It's bee-yoo-tee-ful. Cheers Di!!

Cheesy said...

Could be the salt?

Hehehe you said Cheese Nips!

snugs said...

maybe it is just bloating, you've got sympathy Flo visiting you...

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: Hahahaha...I guess I did. And I bet your Cheese Nips are the freshest around. Mmmmmmm. Cheers Cheesy!!

Snugs: I thought about that. With Flo here, I probably have a couple pounds of spooge back up. Schmoop and I will have to take care of that this week. Cheers Snugs!!

Schmoop said...

Snugs: Or...were you speaking of yourself? If she's with you, I hope it passes soon. Cheers!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...long...skinny...crunchy...warm...loaf ...sourdough...(with Italian dry salami)...

Schmoop said...

Phfrankie: Uh-huh...Satan sent you to test my will, faith, and colon didn't he? Well, it won't work. P-Man!!...I Rebuke You!! Praise Jeebus. Cheers!!

snugs said...

no, I was speaking of you, I got rid of Flo a long long time ago..that is why I am always so happy!

Schmoop said...

Snugs: Well good for you. It must be nice. Oh yeah, that must be pretty damn nice. Cheers!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Some fugly feet dude...

Two days of fasting? You are one sicko puppy

Schmoop said...

Bond: Vin. My feet are much better looking than your math skills. That would be THREE days, dude. Cheers!!

Ken said...

You sound defensive.
Come on, you got to lose more than 2 lbs to make that a practical thing to do. What are you, a mattsocist. Oh were back to that again, he he he......anyway
Hell you could lose 2 lbs in a weekend doing something active. Just saying. And I know self control is something we all should practice often.

Schmoop said...

Micky: Defensive? Not at all. It's something I enjoy doing. It makes me feel good whether I lose one pound or several. As I do it for myself, I have no need to explain it. Cheers Mick!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Oh man....can I put in a request for a video blog on about hour 56 of this fast?


And those are in my top 5 flowers =)

Lu' said...

Hey there puddin' bread is the staff of life. I know you think yours is but it is bread. I'll take a loaf of sourdough any day of the week and twice on Sunday. My Momma raised bread people. Give me bread or give me death...

Schmoop said...

Starr: Ha...You're funny. And I looove those flowers. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Lu: I love bread. But damn, it's to me, like the Man keepin' me down...or up...whatever the case may be. Cheers Lu!!

~SugarBear~ said...

Love your blog. Flowers are beautiful! Good luck on the fasting. I plan to fast the weekend as well. Should be interesting since family is coming in from out of town & Mom cooks like we're feeding the entire population of Chicago!

Schmoop said...

Sugar: Why thank ya and thanks for the comment. Good luck with the fast, don't let them berate ya!! Hope you stop back by. And I'll stop over at your blog after work tonight. Cheers Sugar Bear!!

Ed & Jeanne said...

You gotta think positive. You went from zero to 185 in one second! Show me a muscle car that will do that...

Schmoop said...

VE: Very good point. I feel better now...and fast. Cheers VE!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Your blog hates me! It won't let me post a comment on your latest =(

Schmoop said...

Starr: Damn blog. I'll talkto it and give it a very stern word or two. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

I want it spanked :P

Liz Hill said...

I am going breadless and chipless for a while starting tomorrow--ugh

Schmoop said...

TB; It's damn painful, is it not? Cheers TB!!

Marilyn said...

Those are the exact kind of flowers we had at my (most recent) wedding.... it was a low budget thing, but anyway, they're my favorite.

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: I like them alot. They come in a good variety of colors too. Cheers Marilyn!!