Hola Bitches!!Why do I open today’s post with that line, you ask? Well…
Because tomorrow is Bagwine buddy, Jay’s, birthday.
The Cynical Bastard hizzelf, will be celebrating his 41st year on this big blue marble of ours.
If you get the chance today or tomorrow, stop by his site and wish the funny man a very Happy Birthday.
You can stop by Jay’s digs by clicking HERE. Happy Birthday Jay!!
Now to the matter at hand on this busy day in Bagwine, Ohio.
This week I have introduced you to my four part Bagwine Economic Plan. I have called for raising money through legalized prostitution, drugs, smoking, and taxing churches.
With the exception of the visits and comment from the Joyce Meyer Ministries yesterday, the response has been quite positive.
I think today would be a good time to celebrate not only Jay’s birthday, but the success of my economic plan as well.
So friends, today we will be having a party, and instead of cake we will be feasting on the head of Joyce Meyer.
Dig in people!! Her head is a tasty treat of deceit, avarice, and vanity. Although be warned…It does have an awful aftertaste.
Of course we need to wash it down with something, and that leads me to the fourth and final part of the Bagwine Economic Plan.
After running the numbers of tax revenue generated by parts 1-3, I have found that we can greatly reduce the debt and still give something back to the American taxpayers.
Part Four, my fellow Americans…FREE BOOZE FOR ALL, FOR LIFE.
Be it beer, Bagwine, or top shelf booze, you will be able to get plastered at no cost.
You may suffer a hangover from this benefit but, your wallet will not. Boo Yah!!
So eat a piece of Joyce Meyer’s head and drink up, bitches. It’s a celebration!!
If you would like to see the other three planks of my economic plan you can do so by clicking HERE.
Enjoy your weekend, and…
Cheers!!
40 comments:
i love aftertaste, if it has that tirdhead flavor.
Anony: Ha. With Joyce you'll get plenty of that flavor. Cheers D!!
...I get the nose! I get the nose!...
Phfrankie: You dirty nose hoarder, you. Enjoy it. Cheers P-Man!!
The nose is taken... I'll take the headcheese...
Cheesy: Of course you will. Maybe eating her headcheese will miraculously heal your leg. Cheers Cheesy!!
Sorry, bud; I know you're a partaker of swill, but I refuse to debase myself with the dregs of this so-called religious person. It might ruin me and my chances of entering the gates of...wherever. I'll imbibe only the finest potato grain alcohol, thankyouverymuch. And since it will be free, booyah!
Songbird: But eating Joyce's head is your patriotic duty. It rids our society of yet another criminal. Plus, Jeebus would smile down upon you for your actions. Cheers and Boo Yah!!
Happy Birthday to ME bitches! Well, tomorrow anyway.
And free booze is a brilliant idea. And free bonus booze on one's birthday is an even better idea! Just go by your official Government Alcohol Dispensing Station (GADS™) and pick up, not only your weekly supply of booze rations (4 cases of beer, 4 bottles of tequila, 2 bottles of bourbon, 6 bottles of wine for every member of the household) but on your birthday you get to double that!
Her hairspray made from holy water really scratched my throat! Can I sue? Can I sue? Or at least give testimony - I love giving testimony. I'll even do it in tongues - oh wait - maybe I just love giving tongue
I'm so confused!
Help me Jeebus - I have a credit card.
Well fuck me where I live and breathe!! I forgot to say ...
Happy Birthday Jay!! He is so hawt and so cynical and such a wonderful bastard.
Jay: Ha. Drink up, Jay. I hope you have a fantastic birthday weekend. I called Jennifer Love-Hewitt. She is supposed to stop by uyour pad and give you a blow job. You can thank me later. Cheers and Happy B-Day, Jay!!
Dianne: I looooove it when you use your tongue. I see Jeebus when you wiggle it out there. And...
You said, "Well fuck me where I live and breathe." Can I take you up on that? Cheers Di!!
Is anything in life better than seeing that lovely picture of Jay in your reader?? The answer is NO!
Love it! Happy Bday Jay.
Karen: He's sweetheart. Have a good non-date tomorrow, Karen. Cheers!!
Matty my man I refuse to partake of that bitches head.
But I TOTALLY CALL DIBS on her shriveled omelet-like ears. I am gonna make a necklace out of the likes they did in 'Nam, praise Jeeezus!
Starr: And THAT comment my friends, is only one example as to why I have loved Starr for so long. Cheers Starr!!
Oh good, it wasn't TOO over the top for ya ;)
Starr: Especially when it comes from you, it never is too over the top for me. Cheers!!
Now, this is one I can really get into; especially if it includes a really nice red.
Michele: WIR is red...Would you like to partake. I always share. Cheers Michele!!
"a really nice red" is really subjective isn't? Not to put down your drink of choice, mind you.
Michele: Because I like you so much, I'll ignore that comment. Cheers Michele!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAY
OK, once Starr take her ears for her necklace can I use the hole to f her head...I will NOT eat any of it though
Vinny: Why Vinny, that is so unlike you. And by all means...please do so. Cheers Vin!!
Scheming slimeballs, who in the name of God, steal from people who are looking for some sort of relief from their ills are lower than whale s**t at the bottom of the ocean and they should be placed there to implode...
Guess you touched a button for me...I hope ya still love me even after showing that side of me...
Hmmm... I think I'll just take the earrings and make a wind chime which can tinkle in the breeze from the Breath of God.
Free alcohol: I like your thinkin'!
Happy Birthday to Jay!
well..as you know...we can't get the Rose out here.
And I'm passing on the cake...I'm allergic to stupid people.
but hey....I will go wish jay a happy day...if I may..that is all I will say....
Bond: Forgive ya? I dig that side of you. Cheers Vinny!!
Desert Rat: Always collecting trinkets from the dead, aren't ya? That is so you. Cheeers Rat!!
KAt: Well that's cool. But I am sorry to find that I make you sneeze. Cheers Kat!!
Well I think Vinny Bond and I have nicely covered the Apocalypse Now side of this post.
"The Horror!" Eh Vinny?
Starr: Joseph Conrad would be sooooo proud. Cheers Starr!!
heheheheehe
I love when Starr and I are so in sync!
Ditto Vinny. I want Angelica Huston to play me in the movie version. I'd ask for Pacini if I were you ;)
Starr and Vinny: I have no comment other than to ask...Isn't Pacini a type of mushroom? Oh, wait, that's porcini. Cheers!!
HAH!
I blame that on paint fumes. My mom just showed up at my office to deliver a 5 gallon bucket of paint for the charity auciton....only to find out that dad had NOT put the lid on tight enough and her entire back hatch of her subara is a sea of latex paint.
She is oh so very pissed right now...
I love sucking the meat out of chicken necks, but I ain't touching any of that.
Pacini? I thought he was an opera star!
Starr: Holy Crap...That's not good. Good luck with all of that. Cheers!!
Micky: It is pretty nasty, no? Good God woman. Cheers, Mick!!
Bond: Ha. I was actually going to say that initially. Cheers Vin!!
Keep serving up meals like that and we will all join you on your meatless lent do without.
Happy happy Birthday Jay.
Lu: But buddy....I hear that eating Joyce is like eating Devil's Food Cake. Cheers Lu!!
Yet another spectacular plank in your economic platform. You are needed in Washington immediately if not sooner.
And I should know since I'm in Washington.
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