Sunday after work, I popped open a couple of beers and watched Huckabee on the Fox News Channel.Good ol’ Gov. Mike Huckabee…He has his own show at 8 o’clock on Fox on Sunday nights. Why do I watch it?
My favorite genre of entertainment is unintentional comedy.
While Huck is not as funny as those comedians, Brian “Duhhhhh” Kilmeade, Steve “Whatever You Say, Mr. Ailes” Doocy, and Gretchen “Uber-Vacuous” Carlson on Fox and Friends in the morning...
His show does provides me with a chortle or two.
As I watched, my mind became overcome with a series of random thoughts. Shall I impart them to you? I shall…
First up on the show was Jonathan Krohn. He’s a 13 year old little dweeb who spoke at CPAC on the same bill as Rush “I Downed Three OxyContin and Ate Kirstie Alley for Dinner ” Limbaugh.
Little Johnny has written a book, Define Conservatism. He’s done a plethora of talk shows. He’s been described as a prodigy.
I describe him as a little right-wing shit who is never going to kiss a girl, go to a school dance, or enjoy good ol’ American porn…
As I watched, my mind became overcome with a series of random thoughts. Shall I impart them to you? I shall…
First up on the show was Jonathan Krohn. He’s a 13 year old little dweeb who spoke at CPAC on the same bill as Rush “I Downed Three OxyContin and Ate Kirstie Alley for Dinner ” Limbaugh.
Little Johnny has written a book, Define Conservatism. He’s done a plethora of talk shows. He’s been described as a prodigy.I describe him as a little right-wing shit who is never going to kiss a girl, go to a school dance, or enjoy good ol’ American porn…
I mean, unless it’s porn involving Rev. Ted Haggard and/or Mark Foley.
He’s a semi-professional child actor whose mom found an angle, and on top of that…he plays the cello AND the banjo. Can you say, weenie?
Dude, my advice to you?
Politics can wait. While you’re young…go to a school football game with a hot teen chick, and feel her blossoming boobies underneath the bleachers.
He’s a semi-professional child actor whose mom found an angle, and on top of that…he plays the cello AND the banjo. Can you say, weenie?
Dude, my advice to you?
Politics can wait. While you’re young…go to a school football game with a hot teen chick, and feel her blossoming boobies underneath the bleachers.
If you continue down the path you're on, you’ll end up a bitter old wife beater.
Speaking of which…
The Huckster’s next guest was Denise Brown. Gack!! Blah, blah, I lost my sister. Blah, blah, it hurts. Blah, blah…I need some face time.
Ick. Yeah, it was a tragedy that OJ walked away, but girl?
Speaking of which…
The Huckster’s next guest was Denise Brown. Gack!! Blah, blah, I lost my sister. Blah, blah, it hurts. Blah, blah…I need some face time.Ick. Yeah, it was a tragedy that OJ walked away, but girl?
You are nothing more than a opportunist, and the psychologist in me thinks you were jealous of Nicole.
It’s nice that after her death, you started a foundation that “promotes the awareness” of domestic violence but seriously…
1998 tax records show that your foundation only gave away 3.6% of what it took in. And on average, your group at best, gives back 36%. Pfffffft. Go Away, you suck.
Lastly, during the Huckster’s show, I had an epiphany due to a commercial for the Alzheimer’s drug, Aricept.
I was thinking…Alzheimer’s does have its benefits for both victim and family.
If I had Alzheimer’s Disease, I could have sex with Schmoop and I wouldn’t know that it was her. It would be like having sex with a different woman every night.
I have always thought erroneously that I am a stud muffin, but in this case, at least in my mind, I actually would be!!
And for Schmoop? She could feed me baloney sandwiches every night, and tell me the next day that I had steak for dinner.
It’s a win-win.
Even more so for her because, instead of actually having sex with me, she could tell me that we did and I wouldn’t know any better.
Oh sure, I’d wonder why my balls were engorged, and my prostate was backing up, but hell…
I’d just blame it on a side effect from the Aricept.
Cheers!!
It’s nice that after her death, you started a foundation that “promotes the awareness” of domestic violence but seriously…
1998 tax records show that your foundation only gave away 3.6% of what it took in. And on average, your group at best, gives back 36%. Pfffffft. Go Away, you suck.
Lastly, during the Huckster’s show, I had an epiphany due to a commercial for the Alzheimer’s drug, Aricept.
I was thinking…Alzheimer’s does have its benefits for both victim and family.
If I had Alzheimer’s Disease, I could have sex with Schmoop and I wouldn’t know that it was her. It would be like having sex with a different woman every night.
I have always thought erroneously that I am a stud muffin, but in this case, at least in my mind, I actually would be!!And for Schmoop? She could feed me baloney sandwiches every night, and tell me the next day that I had steak for dinner.
It’s a win-win.
Even more so for her because, instead of actually having sex with me, she could tell me that we did and I wouldn’t know any better.
Oh sure, I’d wonder why my balls were engorged, and my prostate was backing up, but hell…
I’d just blame it on a side effect from the Aricept.
Cheers!!
25 comments:
I bet that kid is insufferable. He's totally getting stuffed into his locker his freshman year of high school.
Jay's right. That kid is lining hismself up for an adolescenthood full of atomic wedgies. As for the Alzhiemer bit, I have to say Matt, that was the first time I ever heard someone try to make a case for the positive side. Impressive. It's why you get paid the big bucks my friend! lol
I watched the kiddo too... my heart sank for him. His parents should be caned....
Jay: No doubt. I'd do it myself if I was in school with him, and I have nary a bit of bully in me. Cheers Jay!!
Hope: Ha. Yeah, in spite of objections from Schmoop, I went and did it. There were a couple of more horrid medical related jokes that popped into my head but I relented to her wish of omission. Cheers Hope!!
Cheesy: Oh man...it's a joke. Oy. You're right, the parents need dirt sleep. Cheers Cheesy!!
That kid's parents were probably the product of acid-dropping, pot-smoking hippies, and now they're getting their revenge on the grandparents.
Someone should drop some acid on that kid's parents; they could use a good trip or two.
Songbird: If that was my kid I would tell him to go out and play and don't come home til' dinner 's ready. Cheers!!
Nicole: Y'know? I had a really funny response to your comment, but I can't for the life of me remember what the hell it was. Cheers!!
...Rush "Then I Ate Rachel Ray From Hugeass, N.Y. For Dessert" Limbaugh...
Phfrankie: Ha. It's pfhunny that you say that because when I wrote this, I was torn between referencing Kirstie Alley or Rachel Ray. You solved that dilemma for me. Cheers P-Man!!
I too ocasionally drop in on the "new" comedy channel!
Micky: How could one not? I find O'Reilly to be one of the funniest mo-foes in the world, and he hasn't a clue. Cheers Mick!!
Sounds like Desert doesn't like me... lol
Wait...who is Nicole?
Do I know her?
That kid is not getting stuffed in his locker..he will never make it to school...they will find him on the back seat of the bus with his hands and feet tied with strawberry twizzlers...
Cheesy: Ha. That was pretty good. Cheers!!
Bond: Ha. That was too. He needs to be whipped with a Cow Tail. Cheers Vinny!!
I predict there are many swirlies waiting for that kid throughout high school.
Giggle: Oh no doubt...But I bet Mom and dad go to scholl WITH him. Cheers!!
I wonder if that tie will fit up his nostril?
VE: I think we should find out. Yo, anyone...Bring me the tiny head of Jonathan Krohn. Cheers VE!!
Kids with too much info on either side scare me. They shouldn't have such strong opinions - except maybe on their favorite sports team.
Fox News is always on at the Y. I can't even hear them and I want to poke my eyes out. How can you stand it?
We are taking my mom to have her memory evaluated soon. My heart is breaking, I'm reading a really depressing Alzheimer's novel (doing my homework), and I've been needing a good Alzheimer's joke. And there you were. I forwarded it to my sister. Cheers!
PS I picked you up out of the gutter at Vodka Mom's. You should really be more discriminating about who you hang out with.
Karen: You have made the best point of the day. Why (and how) doe s a kid get locked into one ideology ot another at such a young age? Cheers Karen!!
Lucky: I loooathe Fox News, but I can't turn away. Sorry to hear about your Mom; I hope things work out for her and your family.
Ha. you don't know how many times I have been picked up out of a gutter. I've lost count. Thanks for the comment and Cheers!!
Nicole is so sad. She proclaims that she hates you and finds you disgusting and yet she just keeps coming back.
You secretly play with your own poo, don't ya Nicole?
Starr: Ha. Hate and disgust are emotions I have a knack for drawing out of women. Cheers Starr!!
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