Monday, August 03, 2009

18 Kids and Counting: The Duggar Family, Huckabee, and TLC, are Freaking Me Out!!

I have mentioned that I don’t watch much TV other than news/political talk shows, sports, and Seinfeld re-runs.

I am even more out of the idiot box loop when it comes to TV reality shows. Hate em’.

Sunday night I was watching my favorite Arkansan (outside of Jay), Mike Huckabee, on FOX News.

Huckabee’s show blows, but I find it to be the Lawrence Welk Show of political punditry offerings, and seriously, watching old episodes of The Lawrence Welk Show is funny.

The Huckster had a family on his show that when I saw them, my mouth became agape…canyon-like…wider than Lindsay Lohan’s legs.

The family? The Duggars. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their 18 kids. I had never heard of these people.

Evidently, Jim Bob, Michelle and their 1 ½ dozen kids have a reality show on TLC…The Learning Channel. It’s called, 18 Kids and Counting, and many of you, unlike me, have heard of it.

A few things came to mind when I saw this congregation of familial fundamentalism. The first thing?

I asked out loud to no one in particular…WTF?

The second thing that came to mind? Who the hell wants to have 18 frickin’ kids? Hell, my mom and dad had nine kids and I thought they were bat-shit crazy for having that many.

The third thing that came to mind…?

Holy Shit…Michelle’s hoo-ha has to be wider than my mouth which was at the time of that thought, lying on the floor approximately 5’7” below my incredibly kissable, yet quivering top lip.

The Huckster interviewed Jim Bob, Michelle and the rest of the Cirque du Duggars, and it became apparent that they thought God was responsible for this ginormous born-again family.

Prayer, God’s blessings, and home schooling led to this gargantuan family that is only a kicker and punter short of a starting football roster.

I don’t fucking think so. God had nothing to do with this.

The God I know would not permit a man from Arkansas named Jim Bob to produce 18 kids with a chick named Michelle who is neither his mom, sister, and/or cousin. Arkansas should now and forever be known as, The Un-Natural State.

God would also not allow the parents to name all 18 kids with a name that starts with the letter “J”.

In honor of God’s son, the J-Man, there is a Joy…a Joshua…and a Jeremiah. How hopeful and biblical. There is also an older daughter named, Jinger. Jinger? With a J?
I went to the Duggar Family website...


Jinger’s favorite hobby is riding horses. I think that between the name Jinger and her penchant for riding horses, I see a pole dancing and/or porn career in Jinger’s future.

Where I am going with all of this? I have no idea. But I do know a couple of things…

A couple who produces 18 kids, is pretty damn crazy.

In fact, Jim Bob and Michelle having 18 kids makes them twice as crazy as my parents.

I know one other thing as well…

Home Schooling may teach a person a helluva lot about Creationism but it doesn’t teach a person one damn thing about birth control.

Cheers!!

38 comments:

doggybloggy said...

its not Monday yet.....

Scott Oglesby said...

That’s not a womb, it’s a puppy mill…for babies. Are they running a sweat shop that they need all that cheap labor? As you know I’m in Spain, so I somehow missed this abomination myself. To have 18 kids with the same wife; that’s a whole lotta sex over a long period of time. I think I’d need a harem to pull off making that many babies. And they’re all homeschooled learning about how Adam and Eve rode dino’s in the Kentucky Derby of 0001? That’s wonderful!! That’s just what God wanted; to fuck with Darwin by intentionally retarding the gene pool.

Matt-Man said...

Doggy Bloggy: As ususal my words were ahead of their time. Cheers!!

Scott: 18 kids over 25 years of marriage...That's craziness. And as you point out in regards to the gene pool, if God was behind this is one evil and wacky mo-foe. Cheers Scott!!

Dana said...

So, 18 kids wouldn't be my choice, but as long as they aren't on one of those national health care plans *cough*medicaid*cough I have no issues.

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Nope, no gov't aid as far as I know. Their freak show is funded personally and by the almighty Hand of God. Cheers!!

Michele said...

While I haven't done any empirical studies it seems to me that in most families one out of three kids turns out to be a fuck up. Maybe, not for all of their life but at least part. That means that the Druggers have 5 that will end up getting knocked up or knocking up someone, doing time, or choosing the illustrious career of exotic dancer. Does our society need 5 fuck ups from the same family? I don't think so.

Clown car. That was great Matt!

Karen said...

I love the Duggars. Like Dana said, not my thing, but they seem to make it work. Jim Bob and Michelle seem to take care of and provide for the kids and that is more than some families with one or two kids can say.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: I am disturbed by your non-empirical postulate. That means 3 of us in my family are fuck ups...Well, huh...I guess you are balls on accurate.

As for the clown car picture? I can't take credit for that. I just found it doing a Google image search. But it is damn funny. Cheers Michele!!

Matt-Man said...

Karen: They were on Huckabee for maybe fifteen minutes and I thought I was going to succumb to a fructose overdose, and the entire commune feel to the situation creeped me out. Cheers!!

Micky-T said...

What a way to get attention.

I kinda prefer to not know about all these people on the reality shows. They get thrown in my face because Bic likes to watch. I really don't care about people like the Duggers and the guy in the hospital with a tree through his neck, or the 700 pound single guy who wants to lose weight so he can have a girlfriend. WTF is happening to the mindset of this country if this is what we call entertainment?

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I have a thoery about this. Our country is the New Rome...in decline.

We hire Haliburton and Blackwater to be our mercenaries, alleged Christians are trying to take over the govt., and instead of gladiator contests in the Coliseum, we have reality shows on TV. God help us all. Cheers Mick!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I, too, enjoy watching the Lawrece Welk Show...

Dianne said...

it's not a clown car!!!

priceless Matty

I have never watched their show but I did catch a show about how the older kids spend far too much time caring for the younger ones - I assume while Mom and Dad are having another moment with Jesus

every sperm is precious

the idea was that the older kids don't have a life - made sense to me and is one more reason why I think these parents are so selfish - you want that many kids adopt

Marilyn said...

Birth control has been thoroughly discussed in my homeschool. I figure it's irresponsible to let a kid go to Catholic catechism and not set the record straight. I guess I'm evil that way.

Jay said...

These people live about an hour from me. They're very much like a cult. And I do believe the oldest daughter is now married and knocked up also.

Jim was a state representative for a while, but actually got beat in a republican primary. Yeah, he's THAT much of an extremist.

They're not on public assistance, but they are on corporate assistance. Most of the stuff they have was donated by corporations and church friends. Of course, those corporate gifts may have slowed down after Jim left the state legislature. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: "The Duggars" would be a great name for a band. Cheers!!

Dianne: Are you messin' with God's plan? I used to like you but if you are against 18 kids being born, I may have to reconsider. Cheers Di!!

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Responsible family planning is evil. Repent and heal yourself. Cheers!!

Jay: What the Hell is going on down in your state? It's one thing to tap some pie hole but to do it without protection. You guys are rebels. Hose those mo-foes down Jay. Cheers!!

Starrlight said...

Don't start me on these freaks. I am sorry, on the dole or not, they are contributing to the overpopulation problem we got going on here. Go forth and mulitply may have been the name of the game when we were all drawing little fishes in the sand but come the fuck on. Wake up and smell the ozone.

Candice said...

I think you're just jealous that Jim Bob is getting laid. Granted, having sex with his wife is akin to tossing a hotdog down a hallway, but still...

David said...

I never heard of them and I'm sure I would never watch the show.

I've come to the conclusion that people who have 6, 8 or double digit numbers of children in these days are offensive as they are personally committing over population of the plant. We are rapidly approaching the point where farmers will be unable to produce enough food for the populace.

And people who cling to religious indoctrination to breed endlessly are sheep adhering blindly to a corporate church program to increase the membership.

Just my opinion.

Cheers

Desert Rat said...

Okay, Candice's comment about "tossing a hotdog down a hallway" made me laugh out loud! That was great!

I'd never heard of the Duggers but the picture where they are all dressed alike is kind of disturbing.

Remember that scene in Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" where the woman's baby just kind of falls out on the floor while she's washing the dishes ("Oh, would you get that?"). For some reason, that just leapt to mind.

Lu' said...

Ha! I like the photo caption, Vagina
it's not a clown car.

True although many a clown take it for a ride hee hee hee!

I also agree that anyone that gives birth to 18 kids is batshit crazy and probably should not have had the revolving door installed on the ol' vajayjay.

katherine. said...

this means the mother has been pregnant for about 13 years. Oh my.

Most wombs wouldn't hold up for that many pregnancies. I read about this family once...but never saw their show.

I think its freakish and not a great idea for lots of reasons. HOWEVER it is their right. And in other cultures in other countries it happens far more frequently.

You can't really mandate how many children a family has can you? and at what number? They don't seem to be taking public assistance....or to be abusive to the children...

you could ignore them...if no one is watching the show...they will go away...or go to Jay's. smile.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

..."The Duggars" would be an OK name for a band, but "The Clown Car Vaginas" would be a GREAT name...

Starrlight said...

Phrankie is right, that would be a stellar band name!

Matt-Man said...

Starrlight: I have always felt that pencillin has been the downfall of our society thru overpopulation. Cheers!!

Candice: Jim Bob ain't getting laid. If ya give the poor woman time to heal during her years giving birth, he's only been laid 18 times in 25 years. Fuck That. Cheers Candice!!

David: You're a farmer, aren't ya? Cheers David!!

Matt-Man said...

Desert Rat: Ha...And you're right about the uniformed cult look. I expect Grandpa Koresh and Uncle Jim Jones to be in the picture. Cheers Adorable One!!

Lu: Hee Hee...Everytime I have sex it's a clown driving something. Cheers Lu!!

Kat: I was just making a satirical commentary. I wasn't trying to dictate how many these goofs have. I was merely concerned about the safety of her and appearance of her birth hole. Cheers Kat!!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: You my good man, are a genius. Cheers!!

Starr: He's very gifted...in a savant kinda way. Cheers Starr!!

Lu' said...

Does one get Arooghanoria from a clown car vagiana?

Desert Songbird said...

I could see myself in a band called Clown Car Vaginas. Sad, huh?

MysteryChick said...

I was just talking about the Duggars last night. I'm of the opinion that the only reason they keep having babies is because they have all those older kids to hand them off to one they're off the boob.

I have watched the show a few times, it's like a car wreck you can't stop looking. I have to say though that according to them they were financially independent before the show and probably more so with corporate sponsorship and being paid per episode.

I wouldn't mind a little corporate sponsorship right about now. Hell if I thought someone would pay to watch my life I'd be whoring my myself out too.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...LMAO @ Lu!!!!...

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Ha. Good One. In addition to sores and morning drip that come along with that disease, one's feet swell up really big. Cheers Lu!!

Songbird: All of the sadness would fade if you had a chart topping record. Cheers!!

Mystery: It's funny that you mention having your life on TV because I have often thought about doing a live webcam event of life. Wanna do a sex scene with me? We can Number Nine. Cheers Chick!!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: She's a keeper isn't she. Cheers P-Man!!

David said...

>>>David: You're a farmer, aren't ya? Cheers David!!

No way jose. I'm far too lazy plus the odds of a successful harvest and making a profit are too lousy - I suspect that Vegas odds are more favorable to the gambler.

I did get on my soapbox though didn't I? :-)

Cheers

Matt-Man said...

David: Indeed you did and I liked it. Cheers!!

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