I have mentioned that I don’t watch much TV other than news/political talk shows, sports, and Seinfeld re-runs.
I am even more out of the idiot box loop when it comes to TV reality shows. Hate em’.
Sunday night I was watching my favorite Arkansan (outside of Jay), Mike Huckabee, on FOX News.
Huckabee’s show blows, but I find it to be the Lawrence Welk Show of political punditry offerings, and seriously, watching old episodes of The Lawrence Welk Show is funny.
The Huckster had a family on his show that when I saw them, my mouth became agape…canyon-like…wider than Lindsay Lohan’s legs.
The family? The Duggars. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their 18 kids. I had never heard of these people.
Evidently, Jim Bob, Michelle and their 1 ½ dozen kids have a reality show on TLC…The Learning Channel. It’s called, 18 Kids and Counting, and many of you, unlike me, have heard of it.
A few things came to mind when I saw this congregation of familial fundamentalism. The first thing?
I asked out loud to no one in particular…WTF?
The second thing that came to mind? Who the hell wants to have 18 frickin’ kids? Hell, my mom and dad had nine kids and I thought they were bat-shit crazy for having that many.
The third thing that came to mind…?
Holy Shit…Michelle’s hoo-ha has to be wider than my mouth which was at the time of that thought, lying on the floor approximately 5’7” below my incredibly kissable, yet quivering top lip.
The Huckster interviewed Jim Bob, Michelle and the rest of the Cirque du Duggars, and it became apparent that they thought God was responsible for this ginormous born-again family.
Prayer, God’s blessings, and home schooling led to this gargantuan family that is only a kicker and punter short of a starting football roster.
I don’t fucking think so. God had nothing to do with this.
The God I know would not permit a man from Arkansas named Jim Bob to produce 18 kids with a chick named Michelle who is neither his mom, sister, and/or cousin. Arkansas should now and forever be known as, The Un-Natural State.
God would also not allow the parents to name all 18 kids with a name that starts with the letter “J”.
In honor of God’s son, the J-Man, there is a Joy…a Joshua…and a Jeremiah. How hopeful and biblical. There is also an older daughter named, Jinger. Jinger? With a J?
I went to the Duggar Family website...
Jinger’s favorite hobby is riding horses. I think that between the name Jinger and her penchant for riding horses, I see a pole dancing and/or porn career in Jinger’s future.
Where I am going with all of this? I have no idea. But I do know a couple of things…
A couple who produces 18 kids, is pretty damn crazy.
In fact, Jim Bob and Michelle having 18 kids makes them twice as crazy as my parents.
I know one other thing as well…
Home Schooling may teach a person a helluva lot about Creationism but it doesn’t teach a person one damn thing about birth control.