Monday, December 07, 2009

U.N. Climate Change Summit in Denmark: The Answers Are Under Your Nose

Today marks the day that the UN Climate Change Conference convenes in wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen…That’s in Denmark.

Delegates from nearly every country will be attending this summit over the course of the next two weeks.

Can you tell that I am bored as I type this? Well if you can’t, let me tellz ya…


My eyes are vacant and crossing and my head is nearly resting on my keyboard. And no…I haven’t had any Wild Irish Rose to drink either.

Climate Change/Global Warming/It’s Good to be Green is an issue/topic/religion that I just cannot get a hard-on about. It bores me to tears, and I find people on both sides of the issue to be more than irritating.

The Greeniks wail and gnash their teeth because the world is going to end tomorrow if we don’t retard the filth and man made heat we are generating.

Those on the other end of this climatological spectrum who like Pangloss utter, “This is the best of all possible worlds!!”, have their heads in the sand.

Over millions of years, this planet has and will continue to undergo climate change. How much is man made and how much is a natural, cyclical occurrence, no one knows.

And…If someone says they know, they’re lying

Certainly the human race has had an effect on the climate. How can a group of people go from simple hunting and gathering to producing mega factories that belch ungodly pollutants out of their smokestacks and not expect it to have an effect?

On the other hand…in the grand scheme of Earth’s history, we haven’t been belching into the atmosphere all that long.

In order to determine how much change in our climate is natural and how much is man made can only be determined if we can find a climatologist who is a million years old. I don’t think one exists. Sure, Larry King is a million years old, but he isn’t a climatologist.

I do have a theory on the issue at hand however…

I think it is both ironic and appropriate that this Climate Change Summit is taking place in Denmark.

If global warming due to human causes is a reality, the answer as to why lies in Denmark, and here it is…


That’s right Matt-Man’s favorite Danish dish, Heidi Zadeh. She can pop the top off of any thermometer just by looking at it. Heidi Zadeh, ladies and gentlemen…the cause of global warming.

With that problem solved, I want to give a big wet kiss and birthday shout out to my buddy Dianne.

Happy Birthday, Dianne. Think of me when you bite into that cake today.

Cheers!!

23 comments:

3 Men and a Lady said...

I'm with you on the climate thing. No one really knows.

Scott Oglesby said...

I agree with you completely. I find the global warming crowd incredible pompous and self serving and the ‘anti’ crowd to be hypocritical and well….self serving. I don’t know why the green movement put all of their resources into something that is so hard to prove. We know there have been periods of great warming and freezing over the span of the life’s earth. Why not just stick to pollution, over-development and the destruction of the woodlands? That’s enough to get people on your side. Nobody wants to live in a post apocalyptic cement jungle. Well, except for the pro post apocalyptic cement jungle lobby.

I think you may be partially right about Heidi as well. But it might be all women, because of the ‘open plumbing’ issue. I'd pay to see Al Gore gesturing effusively to maps and diagrams of that.

Matt-Man said...

Lady: As with many things the answer probably lies in the middle somewhere, but people cannot let go of their unyielding beliefs and ideologies. Cheers D!!

Scott: Ha. Love the Gore comment. Gee, stick to things like pollution, over-development, and the eradication of woodlands? That makes too much sense. What? Are you crazy? Cheers Scott!!

Micky-T said...

Your right, it has been an incredibly short time since we humans have been affecting the PLANET to any degree.
Does it really matter how much we fuck up the natural cycles of the planet, I thought Jeebus was coming soon to slap our wrists and destroy the world?
Let's just party it up, tear open and lay waste to mountains, fill smoke stacks with coal to burn, then we can dump all the ash in the rivers and oceans. We don't really need fish anymore, food comes in a box or a can, everyone knows that.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Well that's not what I'm saying. I'm agreeing with Scott.

We need to have clean waterways, forests, farmland, and clean air. The focus should be on working on and saying things like that rather than trying to raise fear through nebulous phrases and causes such as "Climate Change" and "Global Warming".

As much as naysayers will deny any type of change, the environment is much less clean than it was even 200years ago and the air is dirtier, but likewise, the Chicken Littles on the other side have no reason to yelp that the sky is falling. Cheers Mick!!

Micky-T said...

But the sky did, almost fall.

Something tells me that through the millions of cycles of past history the ozone layer stayed intact. But that's just...a feeling...I have.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...Heide got nothin' on the lovely Cunegonde!...

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Well the sky did indeed fall when in some likelihood a huge meteor slammed into the Gulf and began the Ice Age, but that was a natural occurance. Unless of course, it was brought on by the Invisble Man in the Sky. Cheers Mick!!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. I bet Cunegonde looked sexy in chains before she was smited. Purrrrrrr. Cheers P-Man!!

Micky-T said...

Opps! I forgot about that little alleged event.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: The dinosaurs never saw it coming. Cheers Mick!!

Jay said...

Weather today in Copenhagen:

Partly cloudy, cool with heavy smug.

The Teamster said...

it's snowing as I type in Lathrop, Ca...elevation of about 50 feet...it's the first snow in Lathrop in over 1.5 million years...just in time for the conference...

Desert Rat said...

This is the kind of topic on which I could go on and on and on...

We don't know. Not really. There is evidence for global warming as well as for cooling. Depends on whose numbers, analysis, and interpretation you want to buy in to. (We have a good friend who is a plasma physicist at NOAA - comes in handy for these deep questions - and solar activity - sunspots - play a part in the climatological activity of our planet, as well).

The Earth has indeed experienced drastic climatic changes over time - many of which were induced by natural catastrophic events - volcanic eruptions are a great favorite of mine.

Right now we are emerging from an ice age - in terms of geologic time, it's barely the blink of an eye.

How much impact can man have? Quite a bit, actually, but so what? The planet will endure long after we're gone. Humans are like fleas on a dog.

In the meantime, since I generally like people, I try not to be a resource hog while continuing to maintain a comfortable (but not excessive), standard of living.

Have a groovy day!

Four Dinners said...

It's all my fault you know. I admit it. I will own up and take the consequences.

I can't help it you know. I really can't.

I eat lots and lots of very hot curry which does weird things to my inside bits resulting in much farting.

This I believe is the sole reason the ozone layer is vanishing.

It wants to avoid my farts.

I'm so very very sorry.

I'm having a Vindaloo tonight.

If the world isn't here in the morning. Sorry.

Desert Rat said...

Of course it *could* be that Indian food! Palak Paneer is a personal fav. I'm jealous of Four's dinner. I'm having leftover turkey meatballs.

Bond said...

baby it's cold outside

Dianne said...

if only cows would stop farting - I shall e-mail the billboard ladies and mention that to them

I think of you all the time Matty! thanks hot stuff

MysteryChick said...

I read yesterday that sleeping naked is green. Maybe Four Dinners could offset his Vindaloo that way.

katherine. said...

just sayin' hey

I promise you do not want to get me started on this issue.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. Very Good. Cheers Jay!!

Teamster: Well, don't waste it. Make a snowman. Cheers!!

Rat: Ha. I knew you would chime in. I don't waste either but I'm not a nut about it. Cheers Rat!!

Matt-Man said...

Four: I knew it had to be the fault of a Brit. You guys are always causing trouble. Control the Vindaloo would ya? Cheers FD!!

Rat: I love meatballs. Turkey or otherwise. Cheers!!

Bond: It certainly is here. Cheers Vin!!

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Anytime, Baby!! Cheers and Happy Birthday, Sexy!!

Mystery: I can't sleep completely naked. I have to have my boxers on. I think it's like a defense shield. Cheers Chick!!

Kat: Hey right back atcha...And c'mon. Get started. Go off on it. Cheers Kat!!