Monday, December 28, 2009

Urban Meyer Resigns Himself To An Indefinite Leave Of Absence

Okay, now let me get this straight...

Urban Meyer, the coach of the University of Florida football team announced Saturday that due to health concerns, he would be resigning, and that the Sugar Bowl on January 1, 2010 against the University of Cincinnati would be his last game.

The sports world was shocked, as was I. How could a guy who has an obscenely successful head coaching record of something like 95-18 leave the game at the age of 45?

Ol’ Urb cited health concerns…Claimed his 45 year old ticker was giving him and his doctors fits.

He didn’t like the prospects of having a jug of Gatorade tossed over his head after a victory, have a myocardial infarction and die at midfield while clutching his heart with drool coming out of his mouth on National TV.

No he didn’t like that prospect at all. Urb wanted to get better and spend the rest of his 40 so years on Earth with his wife and family. And the only way to do that as of this past Saturday, was to quit coaching and take it easy.

Well, until Sunday rolled around. On Sunday evening, Urban Meyer said that being with his players at a “spirited practice” Sunday morning persuaded him not to resign. So…

The Urb-Meister will be taking an indefinite leave of absence instead of resigning and after the Sugar Bowl, Steve Addazio will be at the helm of the Gator football squad.

In less than a 24 hour period, Urban Meyer joined the likes of such sports greats as Michael Jordan and Brett Favre by retiring and un-retiring while a nation of sports fans were held captive by the drama.

The only difference is that while Jordan and Favre let the melodrama of their situations drag on with the pace of Marathon runner, Coach Meyer played out his tragedy and rebirth at the speed of Usain Bolt blazing down a 100-meter track.

Damn Straight…Coach Meyer has refused to let the course of his future be drawn out into a swirl of uncertainty. Urban will definitely be on the sidelines coaching the Gators during the 2010 NCAA Football season…or will he?

During a press conference on Sunday, Meyer said that despite his health concerns, he expects to be on the sidelines when the Florida Gators open next season. He continued…

“I do in my gut believe that will happen.”

WTF? He “expects to be on the sidelines”? He “believes in his gut” that it will happen? What kind of doublespeak and anything but definite kind of talk is that crap? What a dick.

Either be the coach or don’t, Meyer.

You allegedly have a bad heart (uh-huh). Are you saying that the problems will go away after just a couple of months? Or are you saying that the U of F wants you to act like you are staying so that potential recruits do not get scared off and go somewhere else?

I don’t like the smell of this. It smells of musty ball sweat stained jock straps and deceit.

I think Florida convinced Meyer (perhaps with money)"to stay", in order to save the recruiting class. But…

I can also see this situation as nothing nearly as nefarious as stringing recruits along as I have suggested.

Maybe Urban Meyer, outside of his skill as a football coach is simply a rash, annoying, fucked up crazy person.

He is after all…a devout Catholic.

Cheers!!

14 comments:

colbymarshall said...

As a UGA grad, I can confidently say that this ridiculous streak has to be due to the fact that is, well, a Gator. LOL!

Jay said...

Can't anybody make a freaking decision anymore?

3 Men and a Lady said...

My stepdad, baby brother, big brother, and husband were gossiping about this last night like women discussing Rosie leaving the view. I was trying to figure out who the hell "Urban" was and why anyone would name their kid that.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Maybe Urban Meyer un-retirement is explainable. But the Colts loss last night isn't.

Matt-Man said...

Colby: You may be correct. After all, he seemed like a normal guy prior to going to U of F. Cheers Colby!!

Jay: I don't know. I mean...well...I'm not sure. Maybe. Cheers Jay!!

Lady: Ha. Coming from the uber-Catholic family that he did he was was named after a Pope. But still, that's an awful thing to do to a kid. Cheers D!!

Matt-Man said...

Nick: Merry Christmas Nick. Yeah, the Colts simply gave that game away. Oh well. Cheers Nick!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...what the hell is a devout catholic doing in Florida anyway?...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Exactly!! He should either be at Notre Dame or Boston College freezing his Papal adoring ass off. Cheers P-Man!!

Hope said...

I don't follow football much so I really wasn't paying a lot of attention to it. Of course I heard about it at a sports bar Saturday night after a couple of Jacks so ummm I have to say everything you are saying makes perfect sense, but I would have totally missed all the nuances you just pointed out. Being of the more changerminder sex I won't think he really just felt moved emotionally to make a different decision. If I've learned anything so far its that money is usually at the root of most situations or at least a first round draft pick.

You can Call me AL said...

They want him to be a ubber Football guru consultant, if his health won't let him Coach in normal capacity.
He's a Head Football coach and a damn good one. He has built one of the best programs in Football today.
He would love to keep doing exactly what he has been but... Doc said, "it's going to kill You!"

He loves his family but being a Football Coach is his identity. I really feel for the guy and completely understand what seems to be fickle, is just a guy and a college trying to keep their identity.

Joker_SATX said...

Call me a cynic but something tells me that Mr. Meyer has gone the way of Tiger Woods and is getting out before the getting gets good....


Something tells me that something diabolical like that is underfoot.

Matt-Man said...

Hope: Well I am glad I could help out. And that was quite an indepth comment for not knowing anything about it!! Cheers Hope!!

Al: I know, I know...it could certainly be that and that only, but my gut says otherwise. Cheers Al!!

Joker: I have no idea why, but that's how I feel as well. Cheers Joker!!

Lu' said...

Funny photo. Is he auditioning to be the new Mr. Rogers?

Matt-Man said...

Lu: I thought that maybe he was trying to rub his stomach and head at the same time. Cheers Lu!!