1,400 Posts Later, The Bagwine Is Still Flowing

Today marks my 1,400th installment on Bagwine Ruminations. I thought it was a good time to revisit something that I had done long ago but do little of now.

It is a theme that I call, Ask the Bag Man, where “people” ask me questions about Wild Irish Rose.

The questions and answers that appear below were first published in 2006 when Bagwine Ruminations was but a couple of months old and had maybe six readers a day.

After nearly four years and 1,400 posts, I thought I should revisit the impetus and attitude for this website…that being my affection and knowledge about Bagwine in general and Wild Irish Rose in particular.

Enjoy…

Dear Matt-Man:

My name is Horton and I am seven years old. My dad was drunk on Wild Irish Rose and accidentally put our cat into the dryer while doing laundry…little Pussy-Boots died.

He said that if I tell Mommy that I did it, Santa Claus will bring me everything I want this Christmas. Should I lie for my dad and wait for Santa to reward me, or should I tell the truth?

A Frustrated First Grader in Beavercreek

Dear Frustrated:

Your father was probably not drunk. I am sure that he was simply trying to find the reality that only Rose can offer. You, on the other hand need some reality from the Matt-Man. First of all, Horton is a stupid name, as is Pussy-Boots, so I am glad your cat is dead.

Secondly, there is no Santa Claus. Your mom and dad are the ones who buy the Christmas presents for you in order to keep your spoiled, selfish ass quiet. That being said, lie for your dad and take the payola.

Oh, one other slice of reality for you, I’m sleeping with your mommy. Now, you’ve learned your lesson: “Reality goes better with Rose”.


Dear Matt-Man:

I’ve heard good things about Wild Irish Rose and would like to try it. Is there a “lite” or “low-calorie” version of Rose that we women who are watching our figures could purchase?

Craving a Lo-Cal Buzz

Dear Craving:

At this time there is no low calorie Rose available, and I am not sure that there should be one. I think to alter the natural goodness of this well balanced bouquet would be a travesty. Don’t fret, however. If you are new to Rose or drink enough of it, you won’t be able to keep anything down anyway.


Dear Matt-Man,

I had to buy my Wild Irish Rose at the Kroger grocery store last week. The chick at the checkout counter asked if I wanted paper or plastic. I froze and didn’t know what to say. How should I have responded?

Bagged in Springfield

Dear Bagged,

This is a very good question as most Wild Irish Rose is not purchased in grocery stores, unless it’s Bert and Ethel’s Corner Market next to the abandoned Jarts factory.

The answer is simple; would you really want to put something as tasty, true, and pure into something as artificial as a plastic bag? Of course not, be genuine…use paper.


Dear Matt-Man,

I am a novice Wild Irish Rose drinker. I am not certain which flavor of Rose goes with what dishes. Any suggestions?

Culinary Chaos in Dayton

Dear Chaos,

The great thing about WIR is that it is such a versatile vino. It goes with anything and everything. I really like the Red when I am serving hot dogs, frozen pizza, or Loosemeat Sandwiches. The White goes well with chicken nuggets, and really shines when complementing fried SPAM.

If you’re having one of your ladies over, I suggest a combination of oysters and the Wild Fruit with Ginseng. The oysters get her motor running and the Ginseng will help you keep it running. NOTE: Unless you like having colorful stool, there is no good reason to drink the Grape.


Dear Matt-Man:

I was trying to find reality through a bottle of Rose the other day and accidentally killed our cat by putting him in the dryer. I offered a bribe to my seven year old son to take the heat for me.

I told him Santa would be very generous this year. Was this wrong? Also, my wife came home the other night and she smelled like Wild Irish Rose. She doesn’t drink the stuff. Do you think she’s cheating on me?

Bewildered in Beavercreek

Dear Bewildered:

Of course you did the right thing. Kids, like pets, are there for adults to place blame upon, and yes, unlike with animals, a nice incentive seals the deal. As for whether your wife is cheating on you, I doubt it.

Perhaps she hides her love for WIR because she is a woman. One thing for certain, never pose this question to your lovely young son. It could cause emotional scars.

Here's to 1,400 posts and here's to 1,400 more. Have a great Hump Day all, and thanks for reading and partaking of the Bagwine.

Cheers!!