Monday, January 25, 2010

BlogHer 2010: Elisa Camahort...Hi, I'm Matt-Man!!

I was cruising around the series of tubes that is the internets recently and started checking out some so-called Mommy Blogs which are of course published by that catty clique known as Mommy Bloggers.

After reattaching my retinas, and wiping away the clutter that collected in my mind from trying to figure out the appeal of Mommy Bloggers, I more deeply explored this estrogen rich environment and the McClintock effect it has on the blogospere, by stopping by the BlogHer website.

For those of you who have no clue what BlogHer is…It is, in their own words, “…the leading participatory news, entertainment and information network for women online.”

BlogHer, Inc. says that it helps women who blog to pursue exposure, education, community, and economic empowerment. Blah, blah, blah…Yak, yak, yak…Emote, emote, emote.

Scores of women who blog use, visit, and/or participate in BlogHer in some way. I just don’t get it.

How come women who blog feel the need to have an umbrella, a club, and group that offers them some ambiguous type of support?

I could see it if perhaps there were women who blogged and were alcoholics feeling they needed some type of online support system. They could commiserate with each other and call their group, DrunkHer. But simply women bloggers in general?

Are women so weak that they feel the need to band together? Are they so lacking in self-esteem that they need validation from others who appreciate the joy of a rapidly pulsating dildo?

Evidently so, because BlogHer will be holding their annual conference this year in New York City from August 5-7 at the Hilton New York.


Hundreds of women with blog sites and more issues than a magazine stand will be descending on the Big Apple.

There will be sessions involving angst, feelings, passion, and how it affects what women write about and how they express it on their site.

Oh Dear God!! They want to get in touch with their feelings? I’ll be happy to bring a hammer and smack ’em over their collective heads. They’ll feel that real quick. And passion?

What? Are these women not getting enough passion from their husband or boyfriend?

Maybe if instead of wanting to get in touch with their feelings so damn much they could open a bottle of Jack, spread their legs, and let hubby give em’ the high hard one!!

People, oft times women, want to overanalyze and dear God, I hate it when they say this, “process” things. Takin' it up the ass doesn’t take processing, it just takes a well tossed salad, and the willingness to spread them cheeks baby. How’s that for passion?

They do have a writing session titled, "Humor”. The description reads: “Great humor writers care about things as granular and detailed as punctuation. How do some of the writers who make you LOL for realz do it?”

Holy Cow!! Are they for “realz”? Humor in written form requires pacing and emphasis which have to somehow mirror as if it is actually being spoken therefore sometimes ignoring traditional grammar and punctuation…granular or otherwise.

Sounds to me like more processing going on.

Maybe I’ll contact Elisa Camahort over at BlogHer and see if I can conduct a humor writing session at the 2010 BlogHer Conference.

I’ll call the session: I’m Matt-Man, Bitch…and Here's What’s Funny.

Think she’ll go for it? I’ll let you know when and if I hear back from her.

Cheers!!

39 comments:

boo said...

While I can't honestly claim to *get* the BogHer network, or even necessarily why it exists; I can say this: women band together. Much like the phenomenon of all the women in any given party all herding to the bathroom at the same time, so it is on the interwebs. Maybe it gives a sense of security? A sense of belongingness? Remember all those cliques in high school? I think it falls along the same lines. The cool feminista chicks band together in their little club, and if you're a gal and you blog and don't belong then obviously you haven't ever heard of it, or you're not a real woman. Or something like that.

Personally, I find it a bit exclusionary, but that's just me. I'm not a wilting flower, nor am I a feminist. I'm just some chick who gets off on babbling away at the anonymous web, reveling in the attention seeking nature of the thing. We all want to be known, and feel at least marginally understood. Perhaps that's the key, if there's some secret womanhood club out there, then they feel the blanket safety of *getting* and *being got* by a whole group of people out there.

For all I care they can pool all their menses together and claim themselves Sisters in the Blood, it doesn't make them any better (or worse, for that matter) than any other blogging collective out there. If they need each other to feel supported and empowered, well then let them to it, I say. I'd rather they cried all over each other's tampons then filled my cup with their tears. I prefer an honest connection to any given individual rather than an illusion of connection by dint of owning a vagina.

Desert Rat said...

For realz: it's all about validation. I am, therefore, I blog. I don't need anyone else to tell me that's "okay," but some folks, apparently, do.

Matt-Man said...

Boo: You covered alot of what I was thinking when I wrote this. I don't give a crap. People of all sorts can create whatever club or network they want.

I too, am just not a belonging kind of guy based on a group type basis. I too like my connections to be based on what I feel on a peronal basis no matter what level it's on.

I have always found the group thing when its based upon creed, color, sex, political party or some other herd type thing rather amusing. I guess I certainly still do.

Cheers Boo!!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Ha. Yeah, for realz. Oh God. You are a rebel. Maybe I'll go ahead and start of group for sarcastic assholes like myself and others who blog. I'll call it, BlogHole. Cheers Rat!!

boo said...

*SNORT* BlogHole! Fuck, Matty, I love that. If you do start such an organization, I want to join, though I'm not sure I can muster up enough assholeishnes to properly belong. Much like I can't seem to muster up enough Crotch Tears to belong to the femmie club. *gigglesnort*

Jeff B said...

Makes me want to build a big 'ole bonfire, invite you, Jay, Bond and a host of other manly Bloggers over and sing Kumbaya!

Please note the extensive use of commas and an apostrophe for grammatical effectiveness in that comment.

3 Men and a Lady said...

I'm not much of a club person. I don't like having to adhere to someone else's standards and I can make friends on my own. I think much of the appeal of BlogHer and SITS (another women's blog thing) is how easy it is to "get commenters" and network your blog. I don't find it appealing at all. I don't want fakey comments from those who are just coming by b/c they are from SITS. I do think the blogging conventions sound fun, which these groups do have, but not all the cool bloggers would be there ;-)

Love the BlogHole idea. I just MIGHT join that one!

Jay said...

Oh boy, get ready dude. Pissing off the BlogHer chicks is like pissing off the mob. They'll put a hit out on ya now. LOL

They actually do allow men at BlogHer. And it's pretty fun to read about all the women bitching up a storm about it.

Oh and Fox News has more ethnic diversity than BlogHer does. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Boo: Ha. Your supreme assholiness lies in your incredibly subtle and not so subtle phrases that you come up with. You don't have to be unlikeable to be an asshole in this club. I'm sure you would be a founding member. Cheers Boo!!

Jeff: Hee Hee. You have "granular" punctuation down to a science. Cheers Jeff!!

Lady: I'd love a big ol' Blog Convention too. But as you said, with all of the coolest, nice, and funny. Not based on any one thing. Cheers to ya, D!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Really? I wish I had consider that before I wrote this. ; ) Wait until Elisa Camahort gets my email here in a few. Hee Hee. Cheers!!

cathy said...

Beats me. I would have missed out on meeting a lot of interesting people if I only visited "mommy blogs", apart from which it sounds like a name for the stain you get on your shoulder when a baby sicks up on you.

Scott Oglesby said...

I was going to say just about the same thing that Boo said…and some of what you replied to her. We all need some form of validation. If any of us stopped receiving any comments whatsoever, we wouldn’t go on for more than a month. Still, you should give and receive validation at a personal level, not from some AA/therapy/cult inclusion.

Then however…..I got an ambiguous phone call from an untraceable, scrambled cell and Jay is right man….. they are coming for you. Although I refused the hit, someone out there is going to take it. From what I gathered they are offering 20k for your clock. The only stipulation being that it was still attached to your neck. Watch you back man! And your front….you never know where they’ll be coming from. But they are coming…..

Matt-Man said...

Cathy: Ha. I wish I had said that. It does sound like a baby urping all over the place. Hope you're well. Cheers Cathy!!

Scott: Ha. Strangled by a chick yanking on clock. How untimely!! Funny, I did receive a text in my email from an unknown person that emanated out of the Philadelphia, MS. area. The message merely said, "Hey".

Oh I understand the validation thing by getting comments. I just find the whole organized group mentality over something as simple as being a woman (or it could be men, whatever) odd. Cheers Scott!!

Dana said...

BlogHer has become a group of mediocre (at best) bloggers who can associate their names with a know organization and feel important. See, the worst thing in the world is for a mommy blogger to be told she's just like everyone else (even though most are). She can go to a BlogHer conference and feel special.

They were here in Chicago last summer. They were ANNOYING!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Ha. You? Annoyed? I can't fathom that.

What you describe is exactly what many organizations evolve (or devolve) into. You touch on the irony of this all.

A bunch of much like-minded and same gender people getting together in order to feel "special" and/or "unique". How odd. Cheers Dana!!

Doc said...

I'm gonna just sit back and watch the fur fly!
*Makes popcorn*

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Ha. Fur fly? I am but a simple man trying to lend a hand in making this year's BlogHer Conference sensational. Or something. Cheers Doc!!

David said...

Oh man. I sure hope you get that speaking invitation. I would travel to NYC just to watch the estrogen boil in reaction to your session.

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha. Oddly enough I have yet to hear from her. I sent the email last night. Cheers David!!

metalmom said...

I may have 'mom' in my name, but I am NOT one of those. I'll spank my kids, use 'non-green' cleaners, and tell them all to remove their sticks. I have a sense of humor more like a man's and far too many of them tend to exclude those who are outside of the tampax box.

I know a few of the guys who have made it to BlogHer and have had mixed responses. I'd love to see you go and shake the catty gals up!

Matt-Man said...

Metal: Ha. I don't know if there is a "man's" sense of humor. I have found that most of you who comment here be it man or woman are all sarcastic, infantile, and funnier than shit.

Let's just all get together and laugh as we have sex with one and other....and then I can go to the BlogHer Conference and talk about it. Cheers Metal!!

Micky-T said...

I knew it, they'll be taking over the internets as soon all the kids are fed and put to bed.

We men better come up with something to counter the attack.
A group....I don't know, maybe something like, Manblog Masters.
We better hurry!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Ha. We don't need that. Echoing Boo again, and knowing how your wandering self is, people like Boo and you who frequent here prefer to just live life and run into certain people when we can...because we like them. Cheers Mick!!

doggybloggy said...

"Bloghole" "crotch tears" this stuff is priceless. I think maybe you need to spell your session title "I'm Matt-Man, Bitch...and Her's What's Funny."

Matt-Man said...

Doggy: Ha. That was actually pretty good. Cheers Doggy!!

Michele said...

I didn't even know there was a Blogher until a month before the 2009 conference. I just don't see the need to go or join or whatever it is they do. I would love to visit and raise a glass with some of the people that I read. So in my travels I always try to contact them before I leave to set something up. I guess that makes me a more one on one kind of gal.

Oh and the cheeks comment....eeeeewwwww....

Matt-Man said...

Michele: A thousand pardons...but c'mon, I did mention salad within the same comment. Cheers Michele!!

Clay Perry said...

you know how women are... they always have to form up into a pack so they rip everything around them to pieces.. god forbid they make up their own mind... like witches, they have to have a coven... its poor genetics...

Karen said...

I don't love the mommy blogs - because I am not a mommy, but I do see the appeal of blogher. AND I will be attending this year because it is in NY and that is my home town. I do read some blogs of men who went and participated last year. And I will be the first to sign up for a Matt-Man panel discussion.

Desert Rat said...

Now, Clay, be fair, not all women are "like that." I work almost exclusively with men, in the great outdoors, doing manly construction activities (only I'm in charge - hee hee - but I still bring donuts), and I can totally hang with the dudes. (And no, I don't bat for the other team.)

If there was a manblog, I would want in so I could talk about power tools, like the totally badass Poulan chain saw that my dad just got. Grrrrrrr - oh, yeah!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I like anything that has the word "mommy" in it...

Matt-Man said...

Clay: Ha. And here I thought I would make a great guest at BlogHer. I think you should go. They'll love ya. Cheers Clay!!

Karen: Well, have fun and I'd go if it was near me. However, I think may reasons may be ddifferent than yours. And alas, I haven't heard from BlogHer so I doubt that I'll be speaking. Cheers Karen!!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Do you ever go to bed wearing a mask and toting a chainsaw? That would be HOT!! Cheers Rat!!

Phfrankie: Ha...Of course you do. Cheers P-Man!!

Desert Rat said...

But, of course... doesn't everyone?

Bond said...

jeff had a grand idea UNTIL he said we would sing kumbaya

instead i propose we build the big old bonfire get the guys together with a case of gentleman jack a 60 inch flat screen 100 hot fiery wings from hooters along with 30 hooters girls and play debbie does dallas and deep throat and anal sisters in love until we all pass out


note i did not use any proper punctuation or capitalization in this entire comment just to piss off those people over at blogher

Lu' said...

LOL Phfrankie.

Matt-Mister maybe if they aren't interseted in the stand up comedy they would like you give them a sit down dance.

Matt-Man said...

Rat: I usually wear one of those round floatation devices that has a duck head. Cheers Rat!!

Bond: That's a capital idea, but your lack of punctuation may have sent some in the BlogHersphere wacky. Cheers Vin!!

Lu: The man is a mess. And when I fisrt read your comment I thought it said that I should give them a "slit" down dance. Ha. Cheers Lu!!

Jeff B said...

I have to admit, Vinny's idea sounds like a lot more fun.

Matt-Man said...

Jeff: There's nothing like Hooter's chick with wing sauce all over her breastesses. Cheers Jeff!!