BlogHer 2010: Elisa Camahort...Hi, I'm Matt-Man!!

I was cruising around the series of tubes that is the internets recently and started checking out some so-called Mommy Blogs which are of course published by that catty clique known as Mommy Bloggers.

After reattaching my retinas, and wiping away the clutter that collected in my mind from trying to figure out the appeal of Mommy Bloggers, I more deeply explored this estrogen rich environment and the McClintock effect it has on the blogospere, by stopping by the BlogHer website.

For those of you who have no clue what BlogHer is…It is, in their own words, “…the leading participatory news, entertainment and information network for women online.”

BlogHer, Inc. says that it helps women who blog to pursue exposure, education, community, and economic empowerment. Blah, blah, blah…Yak, yak, yak…Emote, emote, emote.

Scores of women who blog use, visit, and/or participate in BlogHer in some way. I just don’t get it.

How come women who blog feel the need to have an umbrella, a club, and group that offers them some ambiguous type of support?

I could see it if perhaps there were women who blogged and were alcoholics feeling they needed some type of online support system. They could commiserate with each other and call their group, DrunkHer. But simply women bloggers in general?

Are women so weak that they feel the need to band together? Are they so lacking in self-esteem that they need validation from others who appreciate the joy of a rapidly pulsating dildo?

Evidently so, because BlogHer will be holding their annual conference this year in New York City from August 5-7 at the Hilton New York.

Hundreds of women with blog sites and more issues than a magazine stand will be descending on the Big Apple.

There will be sessions involving angst, feelings, passion, and how it affects what women write about and how they express it on their site.

Oh Dear God!! They want to get in touch with their feelings? I’ll be happy to bring a hammer and smack ’em over their collective heads. They’ll feel that real quick. And passion?

What? Are these women not getting enough passion from their husband or boyfriend?

Maybe if instead of wanting to get in touch with their feelings so damn much they could open a bottle of Jack, spread their legs, and let hubby give em’ the high hard one!!

People, oft times women, want to overanalyze and dear God, I hate it when they say this, “process” things. Takin' it up the ass doesn’t take processing, it just takes a well tossed salad, and the willingness to spread them cheeks baby. How’s that for passion?

They do have a writing session titled, "Humor”. The description reads: “Great humor writers care about things as granular and detailed as punctuation. How do some of the writers who make you LOL for realz do it?”

Holy Cow!! Are they for “realz”? Humor in written form requires pacing and emphasis which have to somehow mirror as if it is actually being spoken therefore sometimes ignoring traditional grammar and punctuation…granular or otherwise.

Sounds to me like more processing going on.

Maybe I’ll contact Elisa Camahort over at BlogHer and see if I can conduct a humor writing session at the 2010 BlogHer Conference.

I’ll call the session: I’m Matt-Man, Bitch…and Here's What’s Funny.

Think she’ll go for it? I’ll let you know when and if I hear back from her.

Cheers!!

Choosy Female Bloggers Choose Matt-Man and Jay

Earlier this month, the hot, come-hither hippie, Meg, of Prefers Her Fantasy Life, named me as one of her ten Blog crushes.

I believe nine of her ten crushes were males.

I was quite honored, and needless to say, more than a bit aroused…by Meg, not the other eight guys you morons.

However…

In addition to enjoying Meg’s post, I was struck by one of the comments left by a female reader.

She said something to the effect, “I never read blogs by guys.”

It wasn’t in a nasty manner or anything like that, just a matter-of-fact statement.

I told Schmoop about the comment, to which Schmoop replied…

“Yeah, so? Neither do I. I mean other than yours, Jay’s, Dad Gone Mad, and once in awhile Rude Cactus, I only read blogs by women…mainly the Mommy Bloggers.”

As evidenced by the vast amount of sweet, steamy estrogen in the comment section of Bagwine Ruminations, some women do read Matt-Man, but…

After hearing Schmoop’s response...

I looked around and read blogs by women/mommies that draw incredible audiences, and they are comprised of nearly all women.

And I ruminated…

What is with the zealous, feminine loyalty of many women reading blogs by other women and mommies exclusively?

Now, I’m not knocking these bloggers.

Hell, I commend them for building followings larger than that of the echo produced by Lindsay Lohan’s hoo-ha while it’s being talked dirty to by a hot chick.

But man...

How many captions of cute family pictures, tales about green baby shit, and narratives on how some uptight wife had her feelings hurt because hubby said that her green beans were underdone, can one read?

Holy Crap!! Schmoop, and many other women, read this type of repetitive blog barf (from here on out, known as blarf) everyday and rarely venture on to the sweaty, semen stained turf of a male blog.

When I pressed her as to why, she said…

“I find that the majority of you men who blog, can’t spell, and have absolutely nothing to say.”

Unbelievable. Her statement leaves me in a state of confusion. If she is correct and yet, 80-90% of my readers are women what does that say about me? Or someone like Jay?

If we men have nothing to say that interest women, and yet they return time and time again, it says one thing, and one thing only…

Jay and I, are a couple of smokin’ hot pieces of man-meat whom the ladies simply cannot live without.

And yeah, I can live with that.

Cheers!!