Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Pope Benedict XVI and the Virtual Vatican...OMG!!

Pope Benedict XVI has been making news left and right of late.

A couple of weeks ago he was chiming in on the evils of gay marriage, and now?

Blitzkrieg Benny is attempting to bring the Catholic Church into the 21st Century by urging his flock of Priests to make full use of new communication technologies in order to evangelize.

Yes indeed…Instead of his army of Priests spending their time embracing young boys, His Popeness wants them to spend their time embracing the internet.

That’s all this world needs, Priests being encouraged to use the internet fully and frequently.

Sweet Baby Jeebus!!

Now, in addition to physically molesting the altar boys at St. Peter in Chains Church and Bingo Hall, these clerical Captains of Catholicism will be enjoying virtual molestation of young boys all over the world.

Watch out you Laotian lads, I hear Father Peter likes his boy toys skinny!!

Maybe I’m wrong about the consequences, but I find it disturbing that when talking about this, the Pope said that internet use will:

“…Create deeper forms of relationship across greater distances.”

Holy Mary!! I’m sure that’s exactly what many of these men are hoping to do in the name of evangelizing.

They’ll be socializing and commenting on teen blogs, and researching the North America Man/Boy Love Association website in hopes of “bringing kids to Christ”.

I can envision names like, Hot4Preacher, FatherYahoo, and Jawbone In Your Ass 69, popping up in chat rooms everywhere.

I can see VaticanMan XVI sending a message out on Twitter that says:

“Sister Maria just brought my dinner. I sed, Fish again? LOL. She told me to, STFU. Who sed dagos can cook? I 8 better food in the Nazi Army. ROFLMAO!!”

When this happens, I’ll know that the Apocalypse, or at least the end of the Catholic Church is near. Oh yeah, Bitches…


This Papal internet initiative has sin and disaster written all over it, and dear God, I do love it so...

Let the “evangelizing” and the scandals begin!!

Cheers!!

29 comments:

Desert Rat said...

I got nothing, so I'm going to take my chainsaw and go to bed.

Jeff B said...

Cool, the new iPope has arrived. All the guilt right at your fingertips 24/7

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Tease!! Cheers Rat!!

Jeff: Ha. The Church is always thinking and schemeing. Cheers Jeff!!

mostlygrocery.com said...

LOL, that Iphone picture almost made me choke

Scott Oglesby said...

They stole a page right out of Mark Foley’s playbook. OMG. ROFLMFAO.

BTW, dagos can cook. Bleavit!

Matt-Man said...

Grocery: Ha. Yeah, he's a Holy Hipster. Thanks for the comment. Cheers Grocery!!

Scott: I thought of him when I wrote this. And I think Benny's jab at the Italians goes back to the Hitler/Mussolini rivalry. Cheers Scott!!

Doc said...

All I have to say is WTF ??

Micky-T said...

Wonderful...now the masses can tune in to twitter mass.

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Well said Doc, well said. TY and I'll TTYL. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Ha. Yes indeed. The possibiliies are endless. e*Marriage anyone? Cheers Mick!!

Dianne said...

brings a whole new meaning to twitter

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Hee. I always knew that Benny was on the cutting edge. Cheers Di!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...soon, much of seminary school will be taught at Our Lady of the Perpetual Blog...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. Taught by Monsignor Google. Cheers P-Man!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...and for the nuns, Sister Yahoo!...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: The Yahoo Sisters would make a great name for a band. Cheers P-Man!!

Joker_SATX said...

ROTFLMAO!

Matt-Man said...

Joker: Ha. Praise Jeebus. Cheers Joker!!

Bond said...

Does this mean new computers will need to be outfitted with a spray mechanism so the Priest can sprinkle you with holy water?

David said...

>>>the altar boys at St. Peter in Chains Church

Is this where they conduct the Advanced Bondage classes for the Semenarians & Monsignors (S&M)? Semenarians - emphasis on the semen.

Cheers

Lu' said...

After the funny, I see one more in person relationship hitting the skids by way of the internet.

Lu' said...

Hmm, where Jay?

Jay said...

I can't wait until the Pope posts a pic of his emo haircut on Facebook and Twitter. Maybe he can also do some vlogs where he talks about how hard it is being Pope.

Or maybe he should just do some song parodies. LOL ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Heyyyyy. That would be kinda neat. Cheers Vin!!

David: I don't know. They're always so damn secretive. Maybe there's a clue in the DaVinci Code. Cheers David!!

Lu: I am at a loss...no really, I don't know what you mean. Cheers Lu!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. Maybe he could sing Nazarean Dandy. I bet that song is even funnier when sung in German. Cheers Jay!!

Four Dinners said...

Oh dear.

That is all I can say.

...apart from God save the children...

Matt-Man said...

Four: It's gonna be a wacky time. Preists Gone Wild. Cheers FD!!

~Isobel~DingoDoll said...

BWAHAHAHAHAAAA! WHILE you arre right about the whole 'reach out & touch 'em there' thingy I am still peeing myself, I mean laughing till i cried over the LolJeebus pic! It's my new desktop background.
~IzzyDingo

~Isobel~DingoDoll said...

The Most Holy Nazi Vicar of Jeebus digs the kindle more, I'm a h8r 4 bursting your bubble!